[Here's an excerpt from an email I sent a friend today. [The parentheses represent the only real additions to my original email.] I was curious to get more feedback about my thoughts here. To those reading, please let me know what you think!
I want to be honest with you about something. My road, though I have been a Christian for almost my entire life, has not been without many potholes, misdirections, and miscues. I'm assuming that doesn't come as a shock or surprise to you...as the world is messy [and so are those in it]. However, I just want to lay it out there from the beginning that I'm far from perfect. I've made many mistakes, all of which I wish I could get back...but I'm grateful to the Lord for pulling me through and for allowing me to learn from my journey and keep going. I know I'm not really in a spot to start confessing my life's woes to you, but I don't want to give any mixed messages. I'm a sinner...saved by grace...and reveling in my redemption as often as I can. My favorite Scripture is from 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." Now I know that Paul wasn't talking about sin when he was talking about boasting here...but I think the premise is still true...that in the spots that we are weak, we need to be vocal. We need to express that only Jesus can get us through--that on my own I'm useless and weak. But that's not the end of the story (thanks be to God). After all, His grace is sufficient. His power is made perfect in weakness. His power is made perfect when we get out of the way and let Him work! Why is it so easy for sin to continue to own people...even those made new in Christ? Because they're trying to beat it on their own instead of putting Christ on display in their lives! Right? [...and ultimately, even you if disagree with my thoughts here. What would it hurt to put Jesus on display? Could we end up making a mistake by being honest about who we are and our need for Christ to indwell us daily--even (and I would say ESPECIALLY) the grossest parts of who we are?]
I hope you don't think I'm nuts--just passionate about my Lord. I want to live for Him more than anything, yet I fall so short so often it seems. I hope this email doesn't freak you out. It is very much me...how I'm wired and how I think, so now you've seen more of my heart. What do you think?
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
A New Year
I'm lying here tired from my day with my mind spinning--as usual. It's a new year and I want to live this one better than the last and screw up less and honor God more. I guess I feel overwhelmed. I'm overwhelmed with desire to be a better person, a fuller man, a stronger Christian...and I feel the heaviness of not knowing where to start. I have so many flaws, so many hangups, so many sins (that so easily entangle) and it often feels like I have so little to offer. A new year but the same frustrations and struggles. I know I'm a new creation but I feel so very old.
Yet in the midst of my sobering thoughts, I find myself comforted that I am His. I have no more answers in this the start of 2007 than I had at the end of 2006, but I have my Lord...and He is enough for me. He doesn't feel like enough most days. He doesn't feel present in my struggles and frustrations very often. But I do trust that He is enough.
I'm wondering if I'm alone in feeling like this and wanting to snap out of it and put some crafty spin on this that's motivating and captivating and...and yeah, you get it. I'm actually trying to find expressive words to make this sound better than it really is. :::smiles::: I'm a redeemed wretch, but I am His.
:::teary eyed::: I'm very thankful.
Yet in the midst of my sobering thoughts, I find myself comforted that I am His. I have no more answers in this the start of 2007 than I had at the end of 2006, but I have my Lord...and He is enough for me. He doesn't feel like enough most days. He doesn't feel present in my struggles and frustrations very often. But I do trust that He is enough.
I'm wondering if I'm alone in feeling like this and wanting to snap out of it and put some crafty spin on this that's motivating and captivating and...and yeah, you get it. I'm actually trying to find expressive words to make this sound better than it really is. :::smiles::: I'm a redeemed wretch, but I am His.
:::teary eyed::: I'm very thankful.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Reflections from a Messy Christian
If I was going to write a book, this would be the title--Reflections from a Messy Christian. It's amazing to me that so many believers pretend to have it all together--all sorted out and tied up in a pretty bow. So many put on a happy face for Sunday morning, and their snazzy clothes, and they talk the usual Christianese...all the while hiding from what they're really feeling or wishing they could say or tell someone about. Why do so many messy Christians pretend to be all put-together?
I wish I had happy thoughts about church and how it helps people. Right now I don't. I've seen so many times that the church shuns the messy people--they're not welcome. They're asked to leave or change or are not allowed to step foot inside a place that is supposed to love and care about people. Jesus said, "Love one another as I have loved you." How many people did Jesus shun or turn away? How many people didn't feel good enough to be near Him or not welcome around Him? NONE. Jesus surrounded Himself with a motley crew of guys who were basically nobodys by the worlds standards. These men, He would later call His disciples. Jesus welcomed tax collectors and prostitues--those shunned by the wold but important to Him. He welcomed children, whose presence was seen as a bother or burden--even to His disciples. To me, Jesus' mandate to love as He loved is clear. We need to follow His lead and love the messy people.
I wish that church could be the safest place on earth for messy people to be. It's just not. As a result, many people are not welcome and many more become pretenders...just to be able to fit into the shiny environment that they so long to be a part of. Me? I've pretended for a long time...but long for a place where I can be me and come with all my issues--big and small--to a place that draws out healing and life and the Spirit of the Living God in one another. I don't want to be a part of a shiny church, I want to be part of a community that is real and raw and life-giving. The early church was a place where people were drawn--it was a contagious place. Today's church is a place where the messy people know that they're not welcome so they don't even try to go, and even more play the pretend game to try to find comfort in a place where they are never really known. I'm not a cynic--I long for revival and life in the church and I believe it is possible. But it is possible only if we're willing to confront our weaknesses and stop pretending to be all put-together. We have to acknowledge that we are messy believers who don't have it all figured out, and we have to have that modeled from the leadership of our churches. Brokeness and humility and weakness are not signs of a bad Christian or a bad leader, they're signs of a real Christian--a real leader. So what are we afraid of?
I don't know about you, but I'm drawn to the idea of messy Christians openly acknowledging their messiness and their need for their Savior. That's me, as best I can describe myself: a messy Christian who is daily in desperate need of his Savior.
I wish I had happy thoughts about church and how it helps people. Right now I don't. I've seen so many times that the church shuns the messy people--they're not welcome. They're asked to leave or change or are not allowed to step foot inside a place that is supposed to love and care about people. Jesus said, "Love one another as I have loved you." How many people did Jesus shun or turn away? How many people didn't feel good enough to be near Him or not welcome around Him? NONE. Jesus surrounded Himself with a motley crew of guys who were basically nobodys by the worlds standards. These men, He would later call His disciples. Jesus welcomed tax collectors and prostitues--those shunned by the wold but important to Him. He welcomed children, whose presence was seen as a bother or burden--even to His disciples. To me, Jesus' mandate to love as He loved is clear. We need to follow His lead and love the messy people.
I wish that church could be the safest place on earth for messy people to be. It's just not. As a result, many people are not welcome and many more become pretenders...just to be able to fit into the shiny environment that they so long to be a part of. Me? I've pretended for a long time...but long for a place where I can be me and come with all my issues--big and small--to a place that draws out healing and life and the Spirit of the Living God in one another. I don't want to be a part of a shiny church, I want to be part of a community that is real and raw and life-giving. The early church was a place where people were drawn--it was a contagious place. Today's church is a place where the messy people know that they're not welcome so they don't even try to go, and even more play the pretend game to try to find comfort in a place where they are never really known. I'm not a cynic--I long for revival and life in the church and I believe it is possible. But it is possible only if we're willing to confront our weaknesses and stop pretending to be all put-together. We have to acknowledge that we are messy believers who don't have it all figured out, and we have to have that modeled from the leadership of our churches. Brokeness and humility and weakness are not signs of a bad Christian or a bad leader, they're signs of a real Christian--a real leader. So what are we afraid of?
I don't know about you, but I'm drawn to the idea of messy Christians openly acknowledging their messiness and their need for their Savior. That's me, as best I can describe myself: a messy Christian who is daily in desperate need of his Savior.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Trust Me
So I was talking to a friend of mine today and she has a major trust issue. It's like she wants to know for certain that no one is taking advantage of her and that she's not getting duped or being lied to like so many of her friends. She's wanting to avoid being that naive "Oh I just trust him" kind of girl, yet is fighting the very nature of trust...faith.
I was trying to explain my perspective by talking about God. Have you ever heard someone ask, "Well if God wanted me to believe in Him, then how come He doesn't make it obvious that He's real? I mean, if He's real, why doesn't he just prove it?" I smile when someone says that first because it shows a WANT to believe. Yet, the nature of God will not ever be to prove Himself. He wants us to believe and therefore give him glory through our belief...because it is not out of proof but out of faith that we desire to know and love and live for Him. Faith is not "proveable" or it would not be faith. 2 + 2 = 4 is not readily questioned, but the only way that I can say God is, was, and will be is not because it is 2 + 2 = 4. It's because I believe Him at His Word. That's faith. That's trust.
So back to talking about everyday human trust.... What is it in our nature that makes us want proof that we're not being duped? Why is the risk of trust so difficult to rest in? Why can't issues like faith and trust come easy for us? What's the hang up? Why when I say "trust me" is the risk so great for the trust-er?
I think for me the reason that I'm okay with trusting and possibly being duped is because I want to take people at their word. I want to want to trust them. I want to call out the sacred within them and allow myself to believe that what they're telling me is true and honest. Granted, trusting a human is a LOT different than trusting God at His Word, becuase God never fails! I am sure to screw up a lot and to fail even the people I love the most. But God is never that way. So when God says "Trust Me", is it just my pride that keeps me from relinquishing the guise of control that I have on my life to see if what He has is really better? What do you think?
I was trying to explain my perspective by talking about God. Have you ever heard someone ask, "Well if God wanted me to believe in Him, then how come He doesn't make it obvious that He's real? I mean, if He's real, why doesn't he just prove it?" I smile when someone says that first because it shows a WANT to believe. Yet, the nature of God will not ever be to prove Himself. He wants us to believe and therefore give him glory through our belief...because it is not out of proof but out of faith that we desire to know and love and live for Him. Faith is not "proveable" or it would not be faith. 2 + 2 = 4 is not readily questioned, but the only way that I can say God is, was, and will be is not because it is 2 + 2 = 4. It's because I believe Him at His Word. That's faith. That's trust.
So back to talking about everyday human trust.... What is it in our nature that makes us want proof that we're not being duped? Why is the risk of trust so difficult to rest in? Why can't issues like faith and trust come easy for us? What's the hang up? Why when I say "trust me" is the risk so great for the trust-er?
I think for me the reason that I'm okay with trusting and possibly being duped is because I want to take people at their word. I want to want to trust them. I want to call out the sacred within them and allow myself to believe that what they're telling me is true and honest. Granted, trusting a human is a LOT different than trusting God at His Word, becuase God never fails! I am sure to screw up a lot and to fail even the people I love the most. But God is never that way. So when God says "Trust Me", is it just my pride that keeps me from relinquishing the guise of control that I have on my life to see if what He has is really better? What do you think?
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Love
Most of my posts here are about God or my journey with the Lord and if you just looked at the title here, you might think that this will be another. Although I'm not asking those of you who share my spiritual convictions to withhold your comments due to the lense through which you see the world (something I should write a post on sometime), I'm not intentionally writing this about God, even though most 6-year olds in Sunday school could tell you "God IS love". I'm just writing this about my most recent romantic episodes.
"It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." What do you think of this quote? I'll agree that romantic love is something that everyone deserves to experience in their life at some point, but the losing part is not something that I would wish on anyone. It is soooo hard. After a little over a year, I've broken up with a girl that I love...not because we had a falling out or something horrible happened, just because we felt that was the best decision for us at this point. I hate the losing part of loving. Is anyone else with me?
"It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." What do you think of this quote? I'll agree that romantic love is something that everyone deserves to experience in their life at some point, but the losing part is not something that I would wish on anyone. It is soooo hard. After a little over a year, I've broken up with a girl that I love...not because we had a falling out or something horrible happened, just because we felt that was the best decision for us at this point. I hate the losing part of loving. Is anyone else with me?
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
The Calm After the Storm
I thought I'd share my most recent support letter with you. I know this isn't riveting material but it will give you a little taste of my life and ministry! Let me know what you think, and if any of you would like to receive my support letter, please let me know.
It’s hard to believe that over one month ago, the 2005-2006 Dare 2 Share tour came to a close. It is so amazing to partner with other Christian youth organizations, like D2S, and see the world impacted with the glory of God--one high schooler and junior higher at a time. We not only experience changed lives right before our eyes, but we also have the assurance that the message of Jesus that almost 50,000 students heard this year at Dare 2 Share alone, continues to make an impact long after the conferences have ended. It’s amazing to watch high school and junior high students catch the vision and allow God to use them to lead the way in revolutionizing this world for Christ. I love it!
I finished our year with a couple crazy months of travel. I found myself experiencing many of those not-so-joyous days spent trapped in the airport as a “frequent flier” instead of in the air where I wanted to be. It has been a whirlwind, but I’m happy to be home now for another month or so before our next event. In this period of time spent back on the home-front, a few major events take place: I turn 27 years old (yikes!), my baby sister graduates high school with honors (and I get to be there to cheer her on), and I become a homeowner (I bought a condo in Frankfort, IL and close on May 25th). By the time you’re reading this, all of these things will already be true…I can hardly believe it. But I am very excited…and nervous, if I’m honest. I’m coming to a place where I don’t know how all the bills will get paid or whether or not I’m going to starve or just gorge myself on junk food, where my old age is making its mark through the gray in my hair and the blur in my eyesight, and where I can no longer promise my dad that no boys will hurt my baby sister (because of a fear of the wrath of her older brothers who know where they live—hehe). However, I do know that I can’t wait to see what the Lord has for me just around the corner. I covet your prayers.
Work is wonderful! I really believe that the work that we do is so extremely important and I absolutely love doing it. I can’t tell you enough how much your love and support (both through prayer and pocketbook) is so appreciated. You truly are members of our team! And though your name isn’t on the side of our new letterhead, you are on our team, and you are impacting the lives of thousands of teenagers as a result of your ministry with and to us. I hope that each of you will do your best to meet us on the road somewhere and get a taste of how we see God move on a daily basis through our events. If you ever want to come and catch up with me, or want to bring students, or want to volunteer with us, please let me know. I would love to see you and to have you physically experience the ministry that you’re so very much a part of.
Besides all of my onsite responsibilities this year which have included being a stage manager for Dare 2 Share, creating and managing all visual graphics for Stuck in the Middle (an all junior high event held this year in Kansas City), being a one-man production team at all of the Dare 2 Share preview events, etc., I’ve also been working on a lot of behind-the-scenes work for Outside the Box (OtB). One of the roles I fall into is a support raiser for our organization. Along with Rolly, my boss, I get the privilege of raising support on behalf of a non-profit organization that I believe in so strongly. We are currently in the process of making these support letters e-friendly. So, for those of you who live on email and might want to get this letter in email form (and help us save money in postage), please email me and let me know. Don’t worry, if you prefer the traditional method of getting this in the mail and putting it on your fridge as a prayer reminder for those of us at Outside the Box, I will happily continue to send you a hard copy. I just want to extend you the option in attempt to stay current and hip (something we will always face, as we keep getting older, and our primary audience, teenagers, always seem to stay the same age). :) So let me know which you prefer.
We have a couple other wonderful opportunities to be part of this summer. We are working on both DCLA, a Youth Specialties evangelism-training event for high schoolers, and New Awakening, a collegiate growth conference sponsored by JAMA. These two events, which happen on the same dates and in the same cities this summer, will force us to be flexible and trust God in order to make it through. While we might, at times, be a little unsure how we’re going to survive these two grueling weeks, we are all anxiously anticipating the struggle and watching how God will show up in amazing ways. Pray for us over the weeks of July 1-4 in Washington, D.C. and August 8-11 in Anaheim, California. God continues to grow us as we work for his glory, and we continue to see the lives of teenagers impacted with the message of the gospel. Thank you for your partnership in this important ministry. Remember, you are a valuable part of our team! There is absolutely no way that we could complete the work God has given us without you! Thank you so much!
Teaming with you for His glory!
BJ
Event Production Assistant
Outside the Box Ministries
www.otbm.org
It’s hard to believe that over one month ago, the 2005-2006 Dare 2 Share tour came to a close. It is so amazing to partner with other Christian youth organizations, like D2S, and see the world impacted with the glory of God--one high schooler and junior higher at a time. We not only experience changed lives right before our eyes, but we also have the assurance that the message of Jesus that almost 50,000 students heard this year at Dare 2 Share alone, continues to make an impact long after the conferences have ended. It’s amazing to watch high school and junior high students catch the vision and allow God to use them to lead the way in revolutionizing this world for Christ. I love it!
I finished our year with a couple crazy months of travel. I found myself experiencing many of those not-so-joyous days spent trapped in the airport as a “frequent flier” instead of in the air where I wanted to be. It has been a whirlwind, but I’m happy to be home now for another month or so before our next event. In this period of time spent back on the home-front, a few major events take place: I turn 27 years old (yikes!), my baby sister graduates high school with honors (and I get to be there to cheer her on), and I become a homeowner (I bought a condo in Frankfort, IL and close on May 25th). By the time you’re reading this, all of these things will already be true…I can hardly believe it. But I am very excited…and nervous, if I’m honest. I’m coming to a place where I don’t know how all the bills will get paid or whether or not I’m going to starve or just gorge myself on junk food, where my old age is making its mark through the gray in my hair and the blur in my eyesight, and where I can no longer promise my dad that no boys will hurt my baby sister (because of a fear of the wrath of her older brothers who know where they live—hehe). However, I do know that I can’t wait to see what the Lord has for me just around the corner. I covet your prayers.
Work is wonderful! I really believe that the work that we do is so extremely important and I absolutely love doing it. I can’t tell you enough how much your love and support (both through prayer and pocketbook) is so appreciated. You truly are members of our team! And though your name isn’t on the side of our new letterhead, you are on our team, and you are impacting the lives of thousands of teenagers as a result of your ministry with and to us. I hope that each of you will do your best to meet us on the road somewhere and get a taste of how we see God move on a daily basis through our events. If you ever want to come and catch up with me, or want to bring students, or want to volunteer with us, please let me know. I would love to see you and to have you physically experience the ministry that you’re so very much a part of.
Besides all of my onsite responsibilities this year which have included being a stage manager for Dare 2 Share, creating and managing all visual graphics for Stuck in the Middle (an all junior high event held this year in Kansas City), being a one-man production team at all of the Dare 2 Share preview events, etc., I’ve also been working on a lot of behind-the-scenes work for Outside the Box (OtB). One of the roles I fall into is a support raiser for our organization. Along with Rolly, my boss, I get the privilege of raising support on behalf of a non-profit organization that I believe in so strongly. We are currently in the process of making these support letters e-friendly. So, for those of you who live on email and might want to get this letter in email form (and help us save money in postage), please email me and let me know. Don’t worry, if you prefer the traditional method of getting this in the mail and putting it on your fridge as a prayer reminder for those of us at Outside the Box, I will happily continue to send you a hard copy. I just want to extend you the option in attempt to stay current and hip (something we will always face, as we keep getting older, and our primary audience, teenagers, always seem to stay the same age). :) So let me know which you prefer.
We have a couple other wonderful opportunities to be part of this summer. We are working on both DCLA, a Youth Specialties evangelism-training event for high schoolers, and New Awakening, a collegiate growth conference sponsored by JAMA. These two events, which happen on the same dates and in the same cities this summer, will force us to be flexible and trust God in order to make it through. While we might, at times, be a little unsure how we’re going to survive these two grueling weeks, we are all anxiously anticipating the struggle and watching how God will show up in amazing ways. Pray for us over the weeks of July 1-4 in Washington, D.C. and August 8-11 in Anaheim, California. God continues to grow us as we work for his glory, and we continue to see the lives of teenagers impacted with the message of the gospel. Thank you for your partnership in this important ministry. Remember, you are a valuable part of our team! There is absolutely no way that we could complete the work God has given us without you! Thank you so much!
Teaming with you for His glory!
BJ
Event Production Assistant
Outside the Box Ministries
www.otbm.org
Thursday, May 25, 2006
What do you think?
I know, I know...I haven't written in forever. I don't know why I'm even bothering to act like someone else is reading this. I don't know how that would happen due to my severely unkept blog. (Down with the author!) Anyway, I have been thinking about this and just want to get it out. If anyone's reading, let me know what you think.
I went to Wheaton College and during that time I had one guy who was really my best friend. He was a freshman on my floor when I was a sophomore. He again was on my floor when I was an RA as a junior, and our senior year we lived together in an apartment with two other guys. When I graduated, he took a year off of school to work and catch his breath and again we lived together. We did everything together! He was truly my best friend. Not all of our endeavors were smart...we screwed up our fair share of times, but we were together--there for each other to the very end. After his year break, he decided to move back home and so did I, due to my lack of a roommate. Fast forward to today....
It is now 4 years later. Since my friend moved home, I've probably called him 100 times and left over 50 messages. (I honestly have no idea of the exact numbers, but they feel astronomical.) I've never heard from him. Never. Not, "Hey I'm busy." Not, "Please don't contact me." Not, "Leave me alone." NOTHING! And so the question that is burning inside me...WHY????
I honestly cannot describe to you how this whole scenario makes me feel. Over the past four years, there have been irreversible events that I don't understand: my uncle dying of cancer, my brother's best friend dying in a motorcycle accident, a good friend of mine, an expecting father and husband, dying in a tragic motorcycle accident--horrible things that I don't understand. However, I trust that God is in control of those things and I can learn to accept them. My current status with my best friend, however, I just cannot accept. This statement is not a statement about God (I don't think), but rather an absolute cry for an answer to why things are the way they are with my buddy.
So I ask you: what do you think? I'm hurt so badly by this broken relationship that I'm even surprised by it. I feel like there is a part of my life that has a gaping hole in it, and I search desperately for an answer. I've been hurt and angry and upset over all of this, but now...after YEARS...when I think about it yet again, I just plain miss my friend.
I don't know how else to say it.
I went to Wheaton College and during that time I had one guy who was really my best friend. He was a freshman on my floor when I was a sophomore. He again was on my floor when I was an RA as a junior, and our senior year we lived together in an apartment with two other guys. When I graduated, he took a year off of school to work and catch his breath and again we lived together. We did everything together! He was truly my best friend. Not all of our endeavors were smart...we screwed up our fair share of times, but we were together--there for each other to the very end. After his year break, he decided to move back home and so did I, due to my lack of a roommate. Fast forward to today....
It is now 4 years later. Since my friend moved home, I've probably called him 100 times and left over 50 messages. (I honestly have no idea of the exact numbers, but they feel astronomical.) I've never heard from him. Never. Not, "Hey I'm busy." Not, "Please don't contact me." Not, "Leave me alone." NOTHING! And so the question that is burning inside me...WHY????
I honestly cannot describe to you how this whole scenario makes me feel. Over the past four years, there have been irreversible events that I don't understand: my uncle dying of cancer, my brother's best friend dying in a motorcycle accident, a good friend of mine, an expecting father and husband, dying in a tragic motorcycle accident--horrible things that I don't understand. However, I trust that God is in control of those things and I can learn to accept them. My current status with my best friend, however, I just cannot accept. This statement is not a statement about God (I don't think), but rather an absolute cry for an answer to why things are the way they are with my buddy.
So I ask you: what do you think? I'm hurt so badly by this broken relationship that I'm even surprised by it. I feel like there is a part of my life that has a gaping hole in it, and I search desperately for an answer. I've been hurt and angry and upset over all of this, but now...after YEARS...when I think about it yet again, I just plain miss my friend.
I don't know how else to say it.
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Fresh Starts
Why is it that though God's mercies are new every morning we spend many mornings (days, nights, you fill in the blank) beating ourselves up about bad choices, lost opportunities, and life that we thought would go differently?
I spent the night tonight with my brother, after of course doing a little work and running errands with my dear friend. (I had to put in the work line just in case my boss ever reads my blog. hehe) One year ago yesterday, August 24th, my brother's best friend died in a motorcycle accident. I spent the night at his deceased friend's mom's house with my brother--my best friend. My brother would be the first to tell you that he hasn't had a morning in the past year that he didn't wake up feeling pain from the loss of his best friend. And yet, God's mercies are new every morning, right? Hmmm....
Don't read this to think that I've jumped off the deep end into a wave of cynicism and criticism that questions the very faith in which I've placed my life and my hope and my family. Do know that I trust God at His Word in a very serious way. I'm just merely asking questions about the human condition and life in general. Okay?
I mentioned in my last post, which was a while ago...(again sorry I haven't been keeping up all that well), that I've been thinking a lot about fresh starts. And I guess, today, I wish that my brother could have one. And he would wish (and I do too) that his best friend could have one.
So as I lay here with my laptop, I guess I'm stuck pondering the meaning of a fresh start. The "start" part is easy, it's a beginning. "Fresh" on the other hand isn't so easy. Fresh starts definitely are not fresh as in new. My brother will never get a new start at life. He will never start over and try again. He will never get the opportunity to be with his best friend again. This is no do-over. So if fresh isn't new, then what is it? I guess a fresh start might better be defined as a different start. A different beginning. Thought it isn't new as in do-over, it is different.
So can I hope for a fresh start for my brother? Yes. I can hope that he can have a different start every morning that he wakes up and faces the option to take another run at life or to give up and give in. I pray for that fresh start for him tomorrow as the reality of his loss weighs more than a Mack truck on his shoulders. As he sleeps now, not ten feet from me, I know that his waking day tomorrow will be his toughest day yet. So yes, I pray for a fresh start tomorrow. Please pray that with me.
As for me, my fresh start has found footing in a new job, which I'm very excited about (except for the fact that I'm often distant from those people that I love...like my brother).
And I pray for you, that no matter what poor choices you've made, no matter how you've missed an opportunity today or yesterday, no matter how life has thrown you the fiercest curveball you've ever faced, that you would find the strength of your fresh start in the person of Jesus who "makes all things new". Now that is truly the freshest of starts, wouldn't you say?!
I spent the night tonight with my brother, after of course doing a little work and running errands with my dear friend. (I had to put in the work line just in case my boss ever reads my blog. hehe) One year ago yesterday, August 24th, my brother's best friend died in a motorcycle accident. I spent the night at his deceased friend's mom's house with my brother--my best friend. My brother would be the first to tell you that he hasn't had a morning in the past year that he didn't wake up feeling pain from the loss of his best friend. And yet, God's mercies are new every morning, right? Hmmm....
Don't read this to think that I've jumped off the deep end into a wave of cynicism and criticism that questions the very faith in which I've placed my life and my hope and my family. Do know that I trust God at His Word in a very serious way. I'm just merely asking questions about the human condition and life in general. Okay?
I mentioned in my last post, which was a while ago...(again sorry I haven't been keeping up all that well), that I've been thinking a lot about fresh starts. And I guess, today, I wish that my brother could have one. And he would wish (and I do too) that his best friend could have one.
So as I lay here with my laptop, I guess I'm stuck pondering the meaning of a fresh start. The "start" part is easy, it's a beginning. "Fresh" on the other hand isn't so easy. Fresh starts definitely are not fresh as in new. My brother will never get a new start at life. He will never start over and try again. He will never get the opportunity to be with his best friend again. This is no do-over. So if fresh isn't new, then what is it? I guess a fresh start might better be defined as a different start. A different beginning. Thought it isn't new as in do-over, it is different.
So can I hope for a fresh start for my brother? Yes. I can hope that he can have a different start every morning that he wakes up and faces the option to take another run at life or to give up and give in. I pray for that fresh start for him tomorrow as the reality of his loss weighs more than a Mack truck on his shoulders. As he sleeps now, not ten feet from me, I know that his waking day tomorrow will be his toughest day yet. So yes, I pray for a fresh start tomorrow. Please pray that with me.
As for me, my fresh start has found footing in a new job, which I'm very excited about (except for the fact that I'm often distant from those people that I love...like my brother).
And I pray for you, that no matter what poor choices you've made, no matter how you've missed an opportunity today or yesterday, no matter how life has thrown you the fiercest curveball you've ever faced, that you would find the strength of your fresh start in the person of Jesus who "makes all things new". Now that is truly the freshest of starts, wouldn't you say?!
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Long Time No Talk
So for all of you who have written me emails and nice notes and even scared emails thinking that I was dead or severely depressed, I thank you. I never imagined that if I accidentally fell off the planet for a month that so many people would...well...miss my writing. I don't write that comment as a depressed man, I just honestly am humbled and moved by your care and warm comments. I, too, have missed you.
So where have I been? Well, a lot has been going on with me. I have finished up my role as youth director at my church and have officially begun my new job working for a ministry that comes alongside organizations that use large youth conferences as their medium to impact students. My boss is an event producer and we manage and produce many different projects and events around the country for many different organizations. I've been in Ft. Collins, Colorado this week working on a conference of 2500 Free Methodist students at a conference called IYC. And I'm headed up to the mountains next week for a video shoot for an organization called Dare2Share.
So things are crazy. I played piano in my cousins wedding before I came here to Colorado. That was in Michigan (and remember I'm from Chicago). She is a suburban Chicago girl and married a cowboy. Talk about a clash of cultures! Their reception was quite comical, but very beautiful and so fun! I love Stacy (my cousin) and Zac (the new addition to the fam) so very much! And since I'll be in Denver a lot for my new job, I'll still get to see them a lot, which I'm just a little excited about! hehe :)
Before that I was home for a week but spent the week walking the new youth director through his brand new (and quite overwhelming) position. He's a great guy and will do so well with the ministry. I just know he's feeling quite overwhelmed and scared about all the details and so little time.
The week before that I was at summer camp with my students in the North Woods of Wisconsin at a camp called Silver Birch Ranch. We were the worship team there at SBR and it was a great way to end my time at my church--with students and the new youth director, helping him meet students and talking him through many things. It was also great to catch up with dear friends at the camp (which I have been going to since I was 5). So, I will miss them greatly!
All that to say, I've been a little busy. Not dead, not in a depth of depression, just busy and feeling torn in so many directions. I wish that you could jump into my world a little bit and see all the things that are going on and be excited with me, and when I get another chance (and don't worry it will be soon), I will share some of those excitements with you. For now, though, this will have to do.
I'm not sure if I have any readers left, but for those of you who are still around, I will be back to my usual rants once I establish a bit of a schedule in my new job. It's difficult finding blog time when I'm on so many events and typically work 15-20 hours a day. That would sould like a lot, but I love it. It's amazing to see so many students get impacted in powerful ways. I love seeing the effects of changed lives and fresh starts. Fresh starts.... That may just be the title of my next post. I feel like I need one. Do you?
Bless you all!
So where have I been? Well, a lot has been going on with me. I have finished up my role as youth director at my church and have officially begun my new job working for a ministry that comes alongside organizations that use large youth conferences as their medium to impact students. My boss is an event producer and we manage and produce many different projects and events around the country for many different organizations. I've been in Ft. Collins, Colorado this week working on a conference of 2500 Free Methodist students at a conference called IYC. And I'm headed up to the mountains next week for a video shoot for an organization called Dare2Share.
So things are crazy. I played piano in my cousins wedding before I came here to Colorado. That was in Michigan (and remember I'm from Chicago). She is a suburban Chicago girl and married a cowboy. Talk about a clash of cultures! Their reception was quite comical, but very beautiful and so fun! I love Stacy (my cousin) and Zac (the new addition to the fam) so very much! And since I'll be in Denver a lot for my new job, I'll still get to see them a lot, which I'm just a little excited about! hehe :)
Before that I was home for a week but spent the week walking the new youth director through his brand new (and quite overwhelming) position. He's a great guy and will do so well with the ministry. I just know he's feeling quite overwhelmed and scared about all the details and so little time.
The week before that I was at summer camp with my students in the North Woods of Wisconsin at a camp called Silver Birch Ranch. We were the worship team there at SBR and it was a great way to end my time at my church--with students and the new youth director, helping him meet students and talking him through many things. It was also great to catch up with dear friends at the camp (which I have been going to since I was 5). So, I will miss them greatly!
All that to say, I've been a little busy. Not dead, not in a depth of depression, just busy and feeling torn in so many directions. I wish that you could jump into my world a little bit and see all the things that are going on and be excited with me, and when I get another chance (and don't worry it will be soon), I will share some of those excitements with you. For now, though, this will have to do.
I'm not sure if I have any readers left, but for those of you who are still around, I will be back to my usual rants once I establish a bit of a schedule in my new job. It's difficult finding blog time when I'm on so many events and typically work 15-20 hours a day. That would sould like a lot, but I love it. It's amazing to see so many students get impacted in powerful ways. I love seeing the effects of changed lives and fresh starts. Fresh starts.... That may just be the title of my next post. I feel like I need one. Do you?
Bless you all!
Monday, June 27, 2005
Acting
I'm so sorry that I've been so bad at blogging lately. I'm not neglecting any of you purposefully, I've just been very busy lately. It has been good to feel missed, however, and I sincerely appreciate all of your encouragement, support, and prayers. May God bless you richly for the ways you've blessed me. Now onto my post....
I was in Denver for a few days this last week as a paid actor. Part of my new job, which begins August 1st, involves me being a part of the drama team for the Dare2Share student evangelism conferences which are being held all over the country. God blessed me with the opportunity to find myself being able to do some creative work (drama) as well as the technical, program-driven work that I'll be doing for the Christian production company I'll be working for. He is soo good to me! Anyway...all this acting has forced me to think about a few things. What is acting?
Well, acting is the art of becoming someone who you are not. It's the fine art of pretending (and to think I'll get paid for this. hehe). So I pretend to be a character, I attempt to think like he'd think and talk like he'd talk, being as genuinely him as possible...as if I were actually him. Acting is not real--ever.
So why are you and I such good actors? I'm not at all implying that you should be on the drama team with me for Dare2Share; I am implying that we all act in our lives. We want to come across as people that are liked and respected. We want to please those around us in a way that communicates love and care. We want people to think we look cute or are funny or successful or cheerful all the time. And often we act like we are...like those things are true...but we're acting--pretending. So what happens when life throws you such a curveball that no amount of acting could ever get you through? What happens when real life comes at you with such force that you are caught reeling backward wishing it was a role you were being asked to perform, but all the while facing the reality that it is your life? How do you feel in those moments? What do you do?
If you're anything like me when things like that happen, you don't sleep, your stomach hurts, you can't stop thinking about the issue at hand, you get angry and depressed, you feel hurt and betrayed by God, you want to curl up and die and hope no one else notices. Have you been there? In the role I play in the main drama for this conference I play a really messed up individual--an angry drunk who is explosively evil. It's a role that I play. What happens though when life makes me feel like that exposive individual where I want to just run and run and run and hope that when I get to wherever it is that I'm going that things will be "all better"?
Are you reeling from the crap of life, just wishing that you could act your way through it but faced with the reality that this is not going away? Are you acting your way through your existence, hoping that no one will realize that you're pretending, hoping that they'll be impressed with your pseudo-you?
I pray that we will be drawn out of the pretend, knowing that as bad as it can get, as lonely as we can be, as hopeless as we may feel, God is good, we are not alone and hope exists in the name of Jesus. Bless you!
I was in Denver for a few days this last week as a paid actor. Part of my new job, which begins August 1st, involves me being a part of the drama team for the Dare2Share student evangelism conferences which are being held all over the country. God blessed me with the opportunity to find myself being able to do some creative work (drama) as well as the technical, program-driven work that I'll be doing for the Christian production company I'll be working for. He is soo good to me! Anyway...all this acting has forced me to think about a few things. What is acting?
Well, acting is the art of becoming someone who you are not. It's the fine art of pretending (and to think I'll get paid for this. hehe). So I pretend to be a character, I attempt to think like he'd think and talk like he'd talk, being as genuinely him as possible...as if I were actually him. Acting is not real--ever.
So why are you and I such good actors? I'm not at all implying that you should be on the drama team with me for Dare2Share; I am implying that we all act in our lives. We want to come across as people that are liked and respected. We want to please those around us in a way that communicates love and care. We want people to think we look cute or are funny or successful or cheerful all the time. And often we act like we are...like those things are true...but we're acting--pretending. So what happens when life throws you such a curveball that no amount of acting could ever get you through? What happens when real life comes at you with such force that you are caught reeling backward wishing it was a role you were being asked to perform, but all the while facing the reality that it is your life? How do you feel in those moments? What do you do?
If you're anything like me when things like that happen, you don't sleep, your stomach hurts, you can't stop thinking about the issue at hand, you get angry and depressed, you feel hurt and betrayed by God, you want to curl up and die and hope no one else notices. Have you been there? In the role I play in the main drama for this conference I play a really messed up individual--an angry drunk who is explosively evil. It's a role that I play. What happens though when life makes me feel like that exposive individual where I want to just run and run and run and hope that when I get to wherever it is that I'm going that things will be "all better"?
Are you reeling from the crap of life, just wishing that you could act your way through it but faced with the reality that this is not going away? Are you acting your way through your existence, hoping that no one will realize that you're pretending, hoping that they'll be impressed with your pseudo-you?
I pray that we will be drawn out of the pretend, knowing that as bad as it can get, as lonely as we can be, as hopeless as we may feel, God is good, we are not alone and hope exists in the name of Jesus. Bless you!
Friday, June 17, 2005
The Nature of Man
At the very core of our nature, are we good or sinful?
Who cares? Why do we need to know that? Well…I think it makes a big difference in our perspective on life. For example…if we assert that all people are sinful by nature, then in effect we are saying that we are justified by living sinfully because that is our nature. If that were true, why then would Christ have had to come to Earth? Moreover, why would we want to accept Christ thereby living contrary to the sinful nature within us? However, if we assert that we are good by nature yet sinful in nature, then we see the importance of the salvific work of Christ. It actually would make more sense if we said we are good by nature and sinful in our humanness. I think it is correct to make the claim that we only have one nature within us. We were created in the image of God, we just don’t always live like that—and some people don’t ever accept that reality. Christ came to “save us” from sin and purposeless living and to help us reclaim the nature that God gave to humans when he began with Adam so long ago. Do you believe this? I mean, I know it's hard to believe when we often live so contrary to this reality, but I cling to this reality as it gives me a new outlook on life.
Jesus' grace still amazes me. It’s hard for me to grasp that Jesus came to Earth as a man, died for my sins, and rose from the dead for the sole purpose of glorifying His Father, thus giving me the ability to be re-identified with God ‘in’ my nature. Yes, I am sinful in my nature—God help me, I am sinful. However, I know that I am identified with Christ and that as a result of his salvific work on the cross, I am purified, I am a child of God, I am loved, I am holy and blameless in his sight, I am predestined, and on and on (Ephesians 1:3-9 and 1 John 3:1-3). When God looks at me, he doesn’t see me; he sees Jesus! I no longer have to be identified with sin or bound by it. Rather, I am alive with Christ and free from my bondage, and all through the person Jesus Christ and the sacrifice he made for me. Thanks be to God! Jesus is the restorer of my connection with the Creator, the God of my forefathers. What an incredible act of grace it was for God to send Jesus for me, perhaps the worst of sinners, AND FOR YOU, and He did it all because He loves us. Wow! Thank you, Father, for giving up your only Son that I might have life and the opportunity to know you in a real way. For that I am forever grateful! May you be drawn more fully today to the re-identification that you have with your Lord through Jesus' sacrifice for you.
Who cares? Why do we need to know that? Well…I think it makes a big difference in our perspective on life. For example…if we assert that all people are sinful by nature, then in effect we are saying that we are justified by living sinfully because that is our nature. If that were true, why then would Christ have had to come to Earth? Moreover, why would we want to accept Christ thereby living contrary to the sinful nature within us? However, if we assert that we are good by nature yet sinful in nature, then we see the importance of the salvific work of Christ. It actually would make more sense if we said we are good by nature and sinful in our humanness. I think it is correct to make the claim that we only have one nature within us. We were created in the image of God, we just don’t always live like that—and some people don’t ever accept that reality. Christ came to “save us” from sin and purposeless living and to help us reclaim the nature that God gave to humans when he began with Adam so long ago. Do you believe this? I mean, I know it's hard to believe when we often live so contrary to this reality, but I cling to this reality as it gives me a new outlook on life.
Jesus' grace still amazes me. It’s hard for me to grasp that Jesus came to Earth as a man, died for my sins, and rose from the dead for the sole purpose of glorifying His Father, thus giving me the ability to be re-identified with God ‘in’ my nature. Yes, I am sinful in my nature—God help me, I am sinful. However, I know that I am identified with Christ and that as a result of his salvific work on the cross, I am purified, I am a child of God, I am loved, I am holy and blameless in his sight, I am predestined, and on and on (Ephesians 1:3-9 and 1 John 3:1-3). When God looks at me, he doesn’t see me; he sees Jesus! I no longer have to be identified with sin or bound by it. Rather, I am alive with Christ and free from my bondage, and all through the person Jesus Christ and the sacrifice he made for me. Thanks be to God! Jesus is the restorer of my connection with the Creator, the God of my forefathers. What an incredible act of grace it was for God to send Jesus for me, perhaps the worst of sinners, AND FOR YOU, and He did it all because He loves us. Wow! Thank you, Father, for giving up your only Son that I might have life and the opportunity to know you in a real way. For that I am forever grateful! May you be drawn more fully today to the re-identification that you have with your Lord through Jesus' sacrifice for you.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
The Lap of My Savior
Here is a picture that is one of my all-time favorites. Like a child on his father's lap, so are we in our relationship with our Lord. There are so many things that vie for our attention and yet developing a depth of relationship with God is the most fulfilling pursuit that one could undertake. I love this picture because I can just imagine this little guy making Jesus his climbing wall and fighting so hard to get up onto His lap. When he finally makes, there is a deep sense of home that can be felt, a real love that doesn't mind trading exchanged words with felt presence. Oh to sit on the lap of my Savior and feel the warmth of His embrace, the fullness of His care, and the depth of His love. This picture came from the web somewhere, and it has inspired me (and many of my friends--especially Sue) to just sit with Jesus.
May you find yourself this day drawn more fully to the lap of your Savior where you can just sit and rest and enjoy Him.
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Rules and Regs: the Good, the Bad, the Community
Are there any situations in which other people or institutions (e.g., schools, governments, youth groups) have a right to tell YOU what to do (with YOUR body or YOUR actions)?
Hmm…. Many different situations arise where an individual is faced with a choice to either follow the “mandates” of an institution or not to follow them and to suffer the consequences. Take Wheaton College, for example…. Students and faculty that are a part of that college have signed a pledge stating that they will not drink or smoke. In any case, the institution, Wheaton College, is setting a boundary that students and faculty members can choose to uphold or choose to break. They have the choice to become part of the college, and abide by the rules, or they have the choice to go elsewhere. In this case, the institution is, in essence, telling students and faculty what to do with their choices about drinking and smoking; the college is “regulating” what they can and cannot do with their bodies.
Consider another question: When do the rights of the individual have to conform to the mandates of the institution? More specifically for us, could church authority go too far in exerting its “power” over the members of its body? Can the leadership of your church (or mine) expect its members to follow every “rule” that is configured? (And what did Jesus say about the legalists and lawmakers anyway.) But without even going into that argument, don't individual lay people have “rights” too, right? Whose rights take priority? George Bernard Shaw raises a great question,
Quite obviously the answer to that question has to be no. Both of the people on the train will not be completely appeased by either of the choices that could be made. However, a choice will be made. Therefore, the question remains: who has the right rights: leadership or its members?
I don’t think there are right and wrong rights, but I do feel like certain rights take precedence. Let me explain…. I feel that the church has the right to tell a person what to do with his/her body as long as biblical precepts are followed. As long as the guidelines given by the institution are biblical (or at least not contrary to the Bible), and as long as the members of the institution have the ability to decide whether or not they want to be part of the institution (biblical rules and all), then, in my opinion, the institution has the right to “tell them what to do”. Ultimately, this is a goofy issue because even the institution cannot force its members to follow the rules. The institution, whether it be a church, or college, or youth group, or whatever would just have the responsibility to follow through on the consequences of not adhering to the guidelines of the community.
In dealing with a community, we have to ask: will my actions hurt anyone else? In community, we have to consider those around us when we make our decisions; we have to consider whether or not we value our congregation and its members. If we do, then we will be careful to follow the guidelines so as not to offend anyone, and yet there is a freedom to live life and allow the Spirit to lead isn't there? So what does the balance look like? I guess I think some regulative forces are okay because in the end we do have a choice of which youth group to attend and which colleges to enroll in. So, if the institution in question has declared a certain boundary on a certain issue regarding what we can or cannot do (with or bodies or in general), then I do feel we have the responsibility to conform to the boundary or to find a different community that better fits our liking.
So, what about you? Where do you fall in all of this? I think it's funny that I'm writing all about the benefits of some regulatory practices when it comes to community because I've frequently been on the stifled side of that. It seem like I have often been the guy that has been reprimanded for making decisions according to the Spirit of God regarding with whom or where I've felt free to hang out. I do really want to believe, though, that the people that were making my life hell in some of those instances were really trying to preserve a safe and godly community. But then I have to ask if that really is their job.... I mean, don't the members of the body have the opportunity to listen to the Spirit as He speaks to them? I really don't know what I think on this. So what do you think? How do you feel abou the regulations that are placed on you as a member of your "institution"? What are some of the “mandates”, “rules”, or “guidelines” that are difficult for you to accept and what do you do about it? …and finally, the question everyone wants answered: “Is it worth it?” Thanks for listening. Bless you!
Hmm…. Many different situations arise where an individual is faced with a choice to either follow the “mandates” of an institution or not to follow them and to suffer the consequences. Take Wheaton College, for example…. Students and faculty that are a part of that college have signed a pledge stating that they will not drink or smoke. In any case, the institution, Wheaton College, is setting a boundary that students and faculty members can choose to uphold or choose to break. They have the choice to become part of the college, and abide by the rules, or they have the choice to go elsewhere. In this case, the institution is, in essence, telling students and faculty what to do with their choices about drinking and smoking; the college is “regulating” what they can and cannot do with their bodies.
Consider another question: When do the rights of the individual have to conform to the mandates of the institution? More specifically for us, could church authority go too far in exerting its “power” over the members of its body? Can the leadership of your church (or mine) expect its members to follow every “rule” that is configured? (And what did Jesus say about the legalists and lawmakers anyway.) But without even going into that argument, don't individual lay people have “rights” too, right? Whose rights take priority? George Bernard Shaw raises a great question,
"Do a smoker and non-smoker have the same rights on
the same railway car?"
Quite obviously the answer to that question has to be no. Both of the people on the train will not be completely appeased by either of the choices that could be made. However, a choice will be made. Therefore, the question remains: who has the right rights: leadership or its members?
I don’t think there are right and wrong rights, but I do feel like certain rights take precedence. Let me explain…. I feel that the church has the right to tell a person what to do with his/her body as long as biblical precepts are followed. As long as the guidelines given by the institution are biblical (or at least not contrary to the Bible), and as long as the members of the institution have the ability to decide whether or not they want to be part of the institution (biblical rules and all), then, in my opinion, the institution has the right to “tell them what to do”. Ultimately, this is a goofy issue because even the institution cannot force its members to follow the rules. The institution, whether it be a church, or college, or youth group, or whatever would just have the responsibility to follow through on the consequences of not adhering to the guidelines of the community.
In dealing with a community, we have to ask: will my actions hurt anyone else? In community, we have to consider those around us when we make our decisions; we have to consider whether or not we value our congregation and its members. If we do, then we will be careful to follow the guidelines so as not to offend anyone, and yet there is a freedom to live life and allow the Spirit to lead isn't there? So what does the balance look like? I guess I think some regulative forces are okay because in the end we do have a choice of which youth group to attend and which colleges to enroll in. So, if the institution in question has declared a certain boundary on a certain issue regarding what we can or cannot do (with or bodies or in general), then I do feel we have the responsibility to conform to the boundary or to find a different community that better fits our liking.
So, what about you? Where do you fall in all of this? I think it's funny that I'm writing all about the benefits of some regulatory practices when it comes to community because I've frequently been on the stifled side of that. It seem like I have often been the guy that has been reprimanded for making decisions according to the Spirit of God regarding with whom or where I've felt free to hang out. I do really want to believe, though, that the people that were making my life hell in some of those instances were really trying to preserve a safe and godly community. But then I have to ask if that really is their job.... I mean, don't the members of the body have the opportunity to listen to the Spirit as He speaks to them? I really don't know what I think on this. So what do you think? How do you feel abou the regulations that are placed on you as a member of your "institution"? What are some of the “mandates”, “rules”, or “guidelines” that are difficult for you to accept and what do you do about it? …and finally, the question everyone wants answered: “Is it worth it?” Thanks for listening. Bless you!
Monday, June 06, 2005
The Weight of Glory
This wonderful book by C.S. Lewis is a lot to digest! Have you read it? You must! I need to keep rereading it. Before I get into talking a bit about it, I want to ask you a question that will help to get you thinking about this marvelous book: what is your definition of glory? How would you explain God's glory, for example?
Lewis defines glory as fame. This definition particularly grabbed my attention. Much like the original response that Lewis had in his preliminary interpretation, I thought 'glory' to be a convoluted concept. I mean, what is it? It's difficult for me to wrap my arms around it and 'call it like it is'. On my first read, when Lewis brought up the idea that glory meant fame, I immediately responded negatively, after all, isn't fame bad!? (I so often see fame linked with Hollywood and self-promotion and the like. God is not famous, is He?.) However, as Lewis “warmed up” to the idea, I, too, became more comfortable with it. (And since I first read the book, Chris Tomlin's song, "Famous One", was written and it has truly helped me to understand God's glory even more.)
The book also talks a lot about the "approval” or “appreciation” of God. Is this something that you desire? I know for me, it is something that I long for in my life more than anything else. As Lewis noted, this view is from Scripture. “Nothing can eliminate from the parable the divine accolade, ‘Well done, thou good and faithful servant.’”
Oh how I long to hear those words from the mouth of my Savior. Don't you?? I long to receive approval and appreciation from my God in heaven. There is no doubt that the most fundamental issue is NOT how we think of God but rather how He thinks of us, as Lewis asserts. For us to appreciate God is important, yes. However, for a Christian that desires to know God deeply on a personal level, this appreciation of God is presupposed. Far more important is whether or not God appreciates us. (I know what the Bible says, but how I feel about my actions and whether or not God could actually approve of me, is so much harder to trust in faith. This is especially true of new believers who feel so unworthy to know God...like He's mad that they still mess up.) There is some good in taking an introspective look at our lives, though. I mean, would God approve of the actions and words that I chose, today, to make my own? Was I glorifying to Him in each of my endeavors today? Would today prove worthy of the words, “Well done, my good and faithful servant”? Though my answers might be 'No' and I can still receive the acceptance and love of God just as readily as if my answers were 'Yes', asking the questions is helpful for me in my pusuit of holiness. Yes, these are weighty questions—Lewis acknowledges that fact, himself. However, these are questions that we can ask ourselves in order to better understand this idea of glorifying God to the fullest. (Again, just to make sure you get what I said here: God loves you no matter what. If you had the worst day ever, He could not love you any less. That truth is freeing to me. Use these questions as a desire to increase the glory of God on a daily basis, and if they don't help you, chuck 'em.)
My struggle with applying how to be glorifying to God comes from the deeply rooted selfishness within me. I can be described with Lewis’ words on page 26: “We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at sea. We are far too easily pleased.” Why can’t I see the infinite joy that comes from pleasing my God in heaven? Why do I think that I know what is best for myself? Why do I act with such half-heartedness when it is the true desire of my heart to glorify God in all that I do? Why do I fall back on my own strength, my own desires, when I have the arms of the all-powerful God around me to support me each day, in each trial? What is keeping me from glorifying God?
Help me, Father, to seek you each and every day and to bring glory to your name. Help me to learn to live my life continually longing to hear the words, “Well done, my good and faithful servant,” though I will never be worthy of them. Oh Lord, this is my desire!
I pray you'll join me in my pursuit to glorify our LORD! Bless you!
Lewis defines glory as fame. This definition particularly grabbed my attention. Much like the original response that Lewis had in his preliminary interpretation, I thought 'glory' to be a convoluted concept. I mean, what is it? It's difficult for me to wrap my arms around it and 'call it like it is'. On my first read, when Lewis brought up the idea that glory meant fame, I immediately responded negatively, after all, isn't fame bad!? (I so often see fame linked with Hollywood and self-promotion and the like. God is not famous, is He?.) However, as Lewis “warmed up” to the idea, I, too, became more comfortable with it. (And since I first read the book, Chris Tomlin's song, "Famous One", was written and it has truly helped me to understand God's glory even more.)
The book also talks a lot about the "approval” or “appreciation” of God. Is this something that you desire? I know for me, it is something that I long for in my life more than anything else. As Lewis noted, this view is from Scripture. “Nothing can eliminate from the parable the divine accolade, ‘Well done, thou good and faithful servant.’”
Oh how I long to hear those words from the mouth of my Savior. Don't you?? I long to receive approval and appreciation from my God in heaven. There is no doubt that the most fundamental issue is NOT how we think of God but rather how He thinks of us, as Lewis asserts. For us to appreciate God is important, yes. However, for a Christian that desires to know God deeply on a personal level, this appreciation of God is presupposed. Far more important is whether or not God appreciates us. (I know what the Bible says, but how I feel about my actions and whether or not God could actually approve of me, is so much harder to trust in faith. This is especially true of new believers who feel so unworthy to know God...like He's mad that they still mess up.) There is some good in taking an introspective look at our lives, though. I mean, would God approve of the actions and words that I chose, today, to make my own? Was I glorifying to Him in each of my endeavors today? Would today prove worthy of the words, “Well done, my good and faithful servant”? Though my answers might be 'No' and I can still receive the acceptance and love of God just as readily as if my answers were 'Yes', asking the questions is helpful for me in my pusuit of holiness. Yes, these are weighty questions—Lewis acknowledges that fact, himself. However, these are questions that we can ask ourselves in order to better understand this idea of glorifying God to the fullest. (Again, just to make sure you get what I said here: God loves you no matter what. If you had the worst day ever, He could not love you any less. That truth is freeing to me. Use these questions as a desire to increase the glory of God on a daily basis, and if they don't help you, chuck 'em.)
“The promise of glory is the promise, almost incredible and only possible by the work of Christ, that some of us, that any of us who really chooses, shall actually survive that examination, shall find approval, shall please God. To please God…to be a real ingredient in the divine happiness…to be loved by God, not merely pitied, but delighted in as an artist delights in his work or a father in a son—it seems impossible, a weight or burden of glory which our thoughts can hardly sustain. But so it is.”
My struggle with applying how to be glorifying to God comes from the deeply rooted selfishness within me. I can be described with Lewis’ words on page 26: “We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at sea. We are far too easily pleased.” Why can’t I see the infinite joy that comes from pleasing my God in heaven? Why do I think that I know what is best for myself? Why do I act with such half-heartedness when it is the true desire of my heart to glorify God in all that I do? Why do I fall back on my own strength, my own desires, when I have the arms of the all-powerful God around me to support me each day, in each trial? What is keeping me from glorifying God?
Help me, Father, to seek you each and every day and to bring glory to your name. Help me to learn to live my life continually longing to hear the words, “Well done, my good and faithful servant,” though I will never be worthy of them. Oh Lord, this is my desire!
I pray you'll join me in my pursuit to glorify our LORD! Bless you!
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Spirit-Creatures
I was looking back over a book I started reading a few months ago, and came across some blog-worthy material. Here's the quote from Bill Gillham's book, Lifetime Guarantee
:
:The Scriptures also teach that God is spirit and that humanity is made in His image. Therefore, we are spirit-beings. We are not physical creatures with spirits; we are spirit-creatures with bodies.
I love this distinction! "We are not physical creatures with spirits; we are spirit-creatures with bodies." I've never heard it stated so plainly before, yet it's so true. I mean, why were you and I created? It wasn't to fulfill the infamous bumper sticker, "He who dies with the most toys wins." It wasn't for fame or glory or to leave a legacy or have a family, though there's nothing inherently wrong with those things in and of themselves (as long as they're not our desire). You and I were created to glorify God. Colossians 1:16 reads, "For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him." All things were created by Him! That means you and me and the neighbor down the street who has no clue that this is true! Everyone you run into on a daily basis was created for God, whether they know it or not.
So, in knowing that we were created for Him, it's awesome to think about being spirit-creatures first. I mean, being a male, living in such a sex-crazed culture, and counseling many students over the past few years, I can recall myself thinking and even speaking the words, "I'm a physical creature" or "You're a physical person; God created you that way." And while my intentions were good, and proved a point in the all-too-familiar daily battle that we face to be pure in our thoughts and actions, I really like the idea that my focus shouldn't be on the physical. I know what my flesh feels! I don't need any encouragement there (and some days that is such an understatement). [sigh] What I do need to be reminded is that I've been created as a spirit-creature, to glorify God with who I am and how I live. Now, I'm gonna be frank and say that I hope that one day God will allow me the opportunity to glorify Him through having a family of my own: a wife, a few munchkins--a family. But, no matter if or when that actually happens (and I really hope it does), I need to remember that I'm still a spirit-creature now. No matter how all-consuming the flesh or wants or desires may feel at the moment, the reality is that I'm a spirit-creature first. That is my ultimate calling (and yours, whether you believe it or not). We were first created for Him!! So, if He sees fit to have me in this place in my life, then so be it. If He sees fit to bring a wonderful woman into my life someday (fingers crossed, saying prayers...haha), then so be it. But I want so badly to live as a spirit creature today! Here's a perfect passage to leave you with from Romans 13:8-14.
Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law. The commandments, "Do not commit adultery," "Do not murder," "Do not steal," "Do not covet," and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: "Love your neighbor as yourself." Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.
And do this, understanding the present time. The hour has come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed. The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light. Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy. Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature.
May we be wrapped in the Lord as we seek to live as spirit-creatures today! Bless you!
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
A Much Needed Pick-Me-Up
So I've been feeling sorry for myself today. Just been thinking a lot about where I'm at in life and wishing that there was more for me, ya know? You ever been there? I mean, most of my best friends are married or working on it, I'm not a "success" in the eyes of man, I've just been feeling down today, and yet I have so much to be thankful for.
I came home tonight to find one of my favorite movies, Glory, on cable. It's like God knew what I needed to see and hear to encourage my spirit. I had just watched the movie for a few minutes before my favorite part of the movie came up. The men who were fighting in the Civil War, in the army's first black regiment--the 54, were gathered around a campfire and we're praising Jesus, asking for His blessing on their battle the next morning. They were walking into a certain death on the battlefield excited and praising their Lord! They had a faith beyond human reason and earthly accolades. They were proud to serve and even prouder about their hope in their Lord, who would sustain them, no matter the outcome--win or lose, live or die.
Oh that I might cling to the truth that the Lord sustains me...even today when my Spirit is heavy. I want so badly to live in the victory that Christ claimed for me through a brutal agony. And yet so often I'm consumed with the petty frustrations of life, and I get lost in all of what is "lacking", and by the way I live and think, you'd think that I had lost the battle. Oh that I might realize that I lack nothing, because in Him I have everything. This is not a passive truth that exists before me but an active one that empowers me to fight and live more fully for Him and His glory. The 54 lost over half of its men in that battle to capture Ft. Wagner, yet they were not failures. Though the fort was never taken, word of the bravery of this regiment of color spread throughout the Union, and many more regiments of color entered the war. President Lincoln attributed the eventual victory to this turning point, ushered in by the 54.
Oh that I may fight as a soldier of color for my Lord, in the midst of such a black and white world. May you and I, friends, find ourselves standing out boldly, taking risks for His glory, all the while knowing that no matter the outcome we are already victors in the reality that we fight with Him and for Him...and nothing else matters.
I came home tonight to find one of my favorite movies, Glory
, on cable. It's like God knew what I needed to see and hear to encourage my spirit. I had just watched the movie for a few minutes before my favorite part of the movie came up. The men who were fighting in the Civil War, in the army's first black regiment--the 54, were gathered around a campfire and we're praising Jesus, asking for His blessing on their battle the next morning. They were walking into a certain death on the battlefield excited and praising their Lord! They had a faith beyond human reason and earthly accolades. They were proud to serve and even prouder about their hope in their Lord, who would sustain them, no matter the outcome--win or lose, live or die.Oh that I might cling to the truth that the Lord sustains me...even today when my Spirit is heavy. I want so badly to live in the victory that Christ claimed for me through a brutal agony. And yet so often I'm consumed with the petty frustrations of life, and I get lost in all of what is "lacking", and by the way I live and think, you'd think that I had lost the battle. Oh that I might realize that I lack nothing, because in Him I have everything. This is not a passive truth that exists before me but an active one that empowers me to fight and live more fully for Him and His glory. The 54 lost over half of its men in that battle to capture Ft. Wagner, yet they were not failures. Though the fort was never taken, word of the bravery of this regiment of color spread throughout the Union, and many more regiments of color entered the war. President Lincoln attributed the eventual victory to this turning point, ushered in by the 54.
Oh that I may fight as a soldier of color for my Lord, in the midst of such a black and white world. May you and I, friends, find ourselves standing out boldly, taking risks for His glory, all the while knowing that no matter the outcome we are already victors in the reality that we fight with Him and for Him...and nothing else matters.
Saturday, May 28, 2005
The Return of the Prodigal Son
Here's a post I've been saving for a good time. It's about one of my favorite books, The Return of the Prodigal Son. Henri Nouwen wrote this book in response to the parable of the lost son found in Luke 15:11-31. I encourage you to reread this passage before reading his relections below. Nouwen didn't just reflect on this passage, though. He wrote this work as a written reflection of Rembrandt's pictorial representation of Luke 15:11-31 shown here:
Get a taste of Nouwen's book, The Return of the Prodigal Son, through these two small compilations of quotes from the book.
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"YOU ARE MY BELOVED, ON YOU MY FAVOR RESTS"
"The Father is always looking for me with outstretched arms to receive me back and whisper again in my ear: 'You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests.'
Somehow I have become deaf to the voice that calls me the Beloved, have left the only place where I can hear that voice, and have gone off desperately hoping that I would find somewhere else what I could no longer find at home. When I forget that voice of the first unconditional love, then innocent suggestions can easily start dominating my life and pull me into the 'distant country'.
Leaving home is, then, much more than an historical event bound to time and place. It is a denial of the spiritual reality that I belong to God with every part of my being, that God holds me safe in an eternal embrace, that I am indeed carved in the palms of God’s hands and hidden in their shadows. Leaving home means ignoring the truth that God has 'fashioned me in secret, moulded me in the depths of the earth and knitted me together in my mother’s womb.' (Psalm 139) Leaving home is living as though I do not yet have a home and must look far and wide to find one.
Home is the center of my being where I can hear the voice that says: 'You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests'—the same voice that gave life to Adam and spoke to Jesus; the same voice that speaks to all the children of God and sets them free to live in the midst of a dark world while remaining in the light. I have heard that voice. It has spoken to me in the past and continued to speak to me now. It is the never-interrupted voice of love speaking from eternity and giving life and love whenever it is heard. When I hear that voice, I know that I am home with God and have nothing to fear.
God has never pulled back his arms, never withheld his blessing, never stopped considering his son the Beloved One. But the Father couldn’t compel his son to stay home. He couldn’t force his love on the Beloved. He had to let him go in freedom, even though he knew the pain it would cause both his son and himself. It was love itself that prevented him from keeping his son home at all cost. It was love itself that allowed him to let his son find his own life, even with the risk of losing it.
Here the mystery of life is unveiled. I am loved so much that I am left free to leave home. The blessing is there from the beginning. I have left it and keep on leaving it. But the Father is always looking for me with outstretched arms to receive me back and whisper again in my ear: 'You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests.'"
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"GOD WANTS TO FIND ME!"
"For most of my life I have struggled to find God, to know God, to love God. I have failed many times but always tried again, even when I was close to despair.
Now I wonder whether I have sufficiently realized that during all this time God has been trying to find me, to know me, and to love me. God is looking into the distance for me, trying to find me, and longing to bring me home.
It might sound strange, but God wants to find me as much as, if not more than, I want to find God. I am beginning now to see how radically the character of my spiritual journey will change when I no longer think of God as hiding out and making it as difficult as possible for me to find him, but, instead, as the one who is looking for me while I am doing the hiding. When I look through God’s eyes at my lost self and discover God’s joy at my coming home, then my life may become less anguished and more trusting.
The parable of the prodigal son is a story that speaks about a love that existed before any rejection was possible and that will still be there after all rejections have taken place. It is the first and everlasting love of a God who is Father as well as Mother. It is the fountain of all true human love, even the most limited. Jesus’ whole life and preaching had only one aim: to reveal this inexhaustible, unlimited motherly and fatherly love of his God and to show the way to let that love guide every part of our daily lives. In his painting of the father, Rembrandt offers me a glimpse of that love. It is the love that always welcomes home and wants to celebrate."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nouwen's words beautifully portray the love that our heavenly Father has for each one of us. Don't waste another day: return to the arms of your loving, eternal Father today. He's been wanting to find you for so long. I love Henri Nouwen because in the way he writes I'm drawn more and more to the overwhelming love and acceptance that is freely offered to you and I through Jesus. He helps me appreciate the depth of my Lord's love and acceptance of me, a prodigal. How about you? How does all this come across to you. May we find ourselves today as the beloved of the Father and come out of hiding, realizing that God has been pursuing us for so long. Bless you!
Get a taste of Nouwen's book, The Return of the Prodigal Son, through these two small compilations of quotes from the book.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"YOU ARE MY BELOVED, ON YOU MY FAVOR RESTS"
"The Father is always looking for me with outstretched arms to receive me back and whisper again in my ear: 'You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests.'
Somehow I have become deaf to the voice that calls me the Beloved, have left the only place where I can hear that voice, and have gone off desperately hoping that I would find somewhere else what I could no longer find at home. When I forget that voice of the first unconditional love, then innocent suggestions can easily start dominating my life and pull me into the 'distant country'.
Leaving home is, then, much more than an historical event bound to time and place. It is a denial of the spiritual reality that I belong to God with every part of my being, that God holds me safe in an eternal embrace, that I am indeed carved in the palms of God’s hands and hidden in their shadows. Leaving home means ignoring the truth that God has 'fashioned me in secret, moulded me in the depths of the earth and knitted me together in my mother’s womb.' (Psalm 139) Leaving home is living as though I do not yet have a home and must look far and wide to find one.
Home is the center of my being where I can hear the voice that says: 'You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests'—the same voice that gave life to Adam and spoke to Jesus; the same voice that speaks to all the children of God and sets them free to live in the midst of a dark world while remaining in the light. I have heard that voice. It has spoken to me in the past and continued to speak to me now. It is the never-interrupted voice of love speaking from eternity and giving life and love whenever it is heard. When I hear that voice, I know that I am home with God and have nothing to fear.
God has never pulled back his arms, never withheld his blessing, never stopped considering his son the Beloved One. But the Father couldn’t compel his son to stay home. He couldn’t force his love on the Beloved. He had to let him go in freedom, even though he knew the pain it would cause both his son and himself. It was love itself that prevented him from keeping his son home at all cost. It was love itself that allowed him to let his son find his own life, even with the risk of losing it.
Here the mystery of life is unveiled. I am loved so much that I am left free to leave home. The blessing is there from the beginning. I have left it and keep on leaving it. But the Father is always looking for me with outstretched arms to receive me back and whisper again in my ear: 'You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests.'"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"GOD WANTS TO FIND ME!"
"For most of my life I have struggled to find God, to know God, to love God. I have failed many times but always tried again, even when I was close to despair.
Now I wonder whether I have sufficiently realized that during all this time God has been trying to find me, to know me, and to love me. God is looking into the distance for me, trying to find me, and longing to bring me home.
It might sound strange, but God wants to find me as much as, if not more than, I want to find God. I am beginning now to see how radically the character of my spiritual journey will change when I no longer think of God as hiding out and making it as difficult as possible for me to find him, but, instead, as the one who is looking for me while I am doing the hiding. When I look through God’s eyes at my lost self and discover God’s joy at my coming home, then my life may become less anguished and more trusting.
The parable of the prodigal son is a story that speaks about a love that existed before any rejection was possible and that will still be there after all rejections have taken place. It is the first and everlasting love of a God who is Father as well as Mother. It is the fountain of all true human love, even the most limited. Jesus’ whole life and preaching had only one aim: to reveal this inexhaustible, unlimited motherly and fatherly love of his God and to show the way to let that love guide every part of our daily lives. In his painting of the father, Rembrandt offers me a glimpse of that love. It is the love that always welcomes home and wants to celebrate."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nouwen's words beautifully portray the love that our heavenly Father has for each one of us. Don't waste another day: return to the arms of your loving, eternal Father today. He's been wanting to find you for so long. I love Henri Nouwen because in the way he writes I'm drawn more and more to the overwhelming love and acceptance that is freely offered to you and I through Jesus. He helps me appreciate the depth of my Lord's love and acceptance of me, a prodigal. How about you? How does all this come across to you. May we find ourselves today as the beloved of the Father and come out of hiding, realizing that God has been pursuing us for so long. Bless you!
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Spirit Storytime
Ok...so I just finished a HUGE comment on a blog-friend's blog and I thought that I should probably just use it as the meat of today's post. We've been dialoging about the Spirit of God and I was wondering if any of you would want to share stories of "successes" or "failures" at listening to the Spirit of God. I thought it might be a source of encouragement as we all seek to listen and sometimes to so well, and sometimes not so well. Anyway...if you want, I'd love to hear them. I'll start.
A few years back I was at a party where, for all I know, I was the only believer present. (I really don't know nor did I really want to consider the spiritual state of the others there, but anywho I was there and interacting with others.) I would strike up random conversations with friends and new acquaintances, talking about whatever...asking a lot of questions...really, I was just passing the time. Eventually the question that I had asked to so many others that evening was posed back to me, "so what's your major in school?" To which my response was brief, "business", and I added, "and I'm a Spanish minor". At that moment, I felt the Spirit of God telling me so strongly to be completely honest (because I was also a Christian Education and Ministry major). I just sort of ignored the thought in my head and pretended I didn't hear it thinking to myself, 'Why in the world would he want to hear about that?' So I ignored that call. But that voice didn't stop. It came back again...and I ignored it again...and again...and I ignored it. Needless to say, that I ignored the Spirit's leading over and over that night because I "didn't feel like going there when I was at a party and didn't really know these people" and blah blah. Really, I just didn't want to be seen as one of those "Jesus freaks". I blew it in a major way that night; I stifled the Spirit of God, and I'll never forget it.
I'd very freely call that a failure except that God really taught me through that experience and I hope (and pray) that I'll never make a similar mistake like that again. Fast forward to a year or so ago.Here's what I might call a success:
Last summer I took a group of students to Peru on a missions trip. The year prior I went down to Peru by myself to visit the place we'd be living and working and just to get to know the missionaries there. Needless to say that I fell in love with my new missionary friends, John and Jannette, and really felt a strong connection with them. We were able to openly talk about deep spiritual things and share our lives with one another. It was the start of a beautiful friendship. :)
In one of those moments, they were telling me about their daughter who they very obviously love soooo dearly. They were sharing a little about her and her story...how she'd fallen away from God and was living with a guy that she'd recently had a baby with and wasn't in any sort of community or real relationship that spurred her on to the LORD. (I don't write any of these details as a statement of moral judgment...I'm merely relaying the facts as they were told to me to give you some background.) She was a little younger than me at the time, and Jannette was telling me about her daughter as if she were her most prized possession. Tearfully, she shared some of the hurts and frustrations that her daughter had expressed from her and I could see the love that she and John had for their daughter.
Well, on my way back to the States, they asked if I could mail some letters for them. One of the letters happened to be for their daughter. I brought it all the way back up to Chicago and as I was about to drop it in the outgoing mail, I heard a small voice telling me to write her. I started thinking...'Yeah right, why would I do that? She doesn't know me, she'll think I'm some weirdo for writing her out of the blue.' Anyway, the Spirit was insistent, "Write her."
Needless to say, I wrote her, not wanting for me to again end in failure from not responding to God's still small voice. I wrote her and told her who I was and that I had just spent a week with her parents. I told her that in my time there I'd grown to love her parents a lot and that I just wanted to let her know that they pray for her everyday. I told her that her mom and dad gushed over how wonderful she is and I finished my letter with, "Thought you should know all this," and that was it. I wrote the letter, tossed it in an envelope and mailed it. And for many hours afterward I wondered why I did such a weird thing. :)
I don't know how weird that girl thought I was for writing her out of the blue and telling her that stuff, but I know that when I told her parents that I did that a year later, they both started crying. I'll probably never know what God did with that letter, but I do know that I didn't ignore the Spirit that time...nor will I intentionally ignore Him ever again. (At least I hope I won't. I know I'm not above doing stupid things like ignoring the Spirit but I really want to listen...no matter how weird it sounds.)
So, what started as a comment in a blog has now become my post for the day. So what about you? Any stories for storytime?
A few years back I was at a party where, for all I know, I was the only believer present. (I really don't know nor did I really want to consider the spiritual state of the others there, but anywho I was there and interacting with others.) I would strike up random conversations with friends and new acquaintances, talking about whatever...asking a lot of questions...really, I was just passing the time. Eventually the question that I had asked to so many others that evening was posed back to me, "so what's your major in school?" To which my response was brief, "business", and I added, "and I'm a Spanish minor". At that moment, I felt the Spirit of God telling me so strongly to be completely honest (because I was also a Christian Education and Ministry major). I just sort of ignored the thought in my head and pretended I didn't hear it thinking to myself, 'Why in the world would he want to hear about that?' So I ignored that call. But that voice didn't stop. It came back again...and I ignored it again...and again...and I ignored it. Needless to say, that I ignored the Spirit's leading over and over that night because I "didn't feel like going there when I was at a party and didn't really know these people" and blah blah. Really, I just didn't want to be seen as one of those "Jesus freaks". I blew it in a major way that night; I stifled the Spirit of God, and I'll never forget it.
I'd very freely call that a failure except that God really taught me through that experience and I hope (and pray) that I'll never make a similar mistake like that again. Fast forward to a year or so ago.Here's what I might call a success:
Last summer I took a group of students to Peru on a missions trip. The year prior I went down to Peru by myself to visit the place we'd be living and working and just to get to know the missionaries there. Needless to say that I fell in love with my new missionary friends, John and Jannette, and really felt a strong connection with them. We were able to openly talk about deep spiritual things and share our lives with one another. It was the start of a beautiful friendship. :)
In one of those moments, they were telling me about their daughter who they very obviously love soooo dearly. They were sharing a little about her and her story...how she'd fallen away from God and was living with a guy that she'd recently had a baby with and wasn't in any sort of community or real relationship that spurred her on to the LORD. (I don't write any of these details as a statement of moral judgment...I'm merely relaying the facts as they were told to me to give you some background.) She was a little younger than me at the time, and Jannette was telling me about her daughter as if she were her most prized possession. Tearfully, she shared some of the hurts and frustrations that her daughter had expressed from her and I could see the love that she and John had for their daughter.
Well, on my way back to the States, they asked if I could mail some letters for them. One of the letters happened to be for their daughter. I brought it all the way back up to Chicago and as I was about to drop it in the outgoing mail, I heard a small voice telling me to write her. I started thinking...'Yeah right, why would I do that? She doesn't know me, she'll think I'm some weirdo for writing her out of the blue.' Anyway, the Spirit was insistent, "Write her."
Needless to say, I wrote her, not wanting for me to again end in failure from not responding to God's still small voice. I wrote her and told her who I was and that I had just spent a week with her parents. I told her that in my time there I'd grown to love her parents a lot and that I just wanted to let her know that they pray for her everyday. I told her that her mom and dad gushed over how wonderful she is and I finished my letter with, "Thought you should know all this," and that was it. I wrote the letter, tossed it in an envelope and mailed it. And for many hours afterward I wondered why I did such a weird thing. :)
I don't know how weird that girl thought I was for writing her out of the blue and telling her that stuff, but I know that when I told her parents that I did that a year later, they both started crying. I'll probably never know what God did with that letter, but I do know that I didn't ignore the Spirit that time...nor will I intentionally ignore Him ever again. (At least I hope I won't. I know I'm not above doing stupid things like ignoring the Spirit but I really want to listen...no matter how weird it sounds.)
So, what started as a comment in a blog has now become my post for the day. So what about you? Any stories for storytime?
Monday, May 23, 2005
THE neglected SPIRIT
Yesterday my senior pastor talked about modernism and postmodernism and how these two ways of thinking affect the church and create miscommunication between the members. He jokingly made some comment about how he can't stand when postmoderns use the word "journey" in reference to their spiritual walk with God. He said, "When they say that, I feel like I should be on Oprah or something." In that split second I didn't know whether to be offended or laugh out loud, but I chose the middle ground of pretending he didn't say anything at all (which probably hints at the fact that I was in some way offended...at least a little). I mean, check out what I wrote for my little snip-it about me here on my blog. I write, "I'm a prematurely graying single male who loves Jesus and desires to journey with Him forever." I really like that statement (well all but the part about me going gray already. I mean, I started graying at 23! What the heck is that about?!). To me, the knowledge that life is a journey helps me to desire to experience God on a daily basis, no matter what terrain I'm walking. Which brings me to my major point of concern that was my pastor's topic of speaking this past Sunday: the sources of the Truth.
The Bible is God's Word, it is infallible, it is God-breathed, it is absolute, and yadda-yadda. I strongly agree with all of that. For all of you modernists out there, it's as simple as that. The Bible is truth. It is God's book, it is his all-inspired word, etcetera etcetera. But I really don't think it's as "simple" as that. As a predominantly postmodern, "young" (as Layla says despite the fact that I'm prematurely graying), single male, I see the point of life as being our call to experience God. In experiencing God, I am drawn to 'love the LORD my God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength' and 'love my neighbor as myself'. I'm drawn to 'go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit'. I'm just plain drawn to live like I'm HIS and to worship Him all along the way! And the Bible is definitely part of that!!! But it is not the only part, and it is definitely not the part I think we should be talking about. Actually, as a general perception, I feel like that's the ONLY part that we do talk about; we talk about the Bible as the truth of God so much, and we neglect the other very personal and intimate ways that God speaks to our hearts on a regular basis through His Spirit. I want to look at the passage we talked through on Sunday because I think it helps s look at these issues even more: 1 John 2:18-27.
This passage centers around the idea of false teachers, which, as a sidenote for all of you Bible trivia buffs, when based off of sheer numbers, is the theme that comes up most repeatedly in the Scripture. But anyway, the part my pastor focused on that I want to share with you comes in verses 24 and 27. My senior pointed out that verse 24 brings out the idea that Bible is the "Word of Truth". It is that which "you have heard from the beginning"; it is God's Word and it is our absolute source of truth. He also brought up that in verse 27 that there is another source of truth, the "Spirit of Truth". Verse 27 talks about the "anointing" that you have received from God and that it teaches you about all things. This 'anointing' represents the Spirit of God and it is also the truth!! It comes from God, in the form of person of the Spirit and it is real in our lives!
So what I want to know is, why don't we ever talk about the Spirit? I mean, just because we're not pentecostal doesn't mean that we can't talk about the amazingly powerful and REAL nature of the Spirit of God in our lives today, does it?! I don't get it. I mean we're not talking about some hokey makeshift gospel, we're talking about God Himself in the form of the Spirit!!! So what are we so afraid of? I mean, yes, my pastor brought this up on Sunday. However, compared to how he developed his talk regarding the Word of Truth (the Bible) and how much emphasis he put on pursuing the Word of Truth and not watering down the Word ever and standing out as a church that practices that in the midst of all the false teaching and teaching the Word to the next generation, his talk about the Spirit of Truth was but little more than drip in the bucket; it didn't compare at all. So why don't we talk about the Spirit?
Honestly, I think it's because we're scared to trust the Spirit. I mean, honestly, I've seen people misuse the Spirit's leading often. My favorite story of this is when a woman was talking to my future employer and she told him, "God told me that my son is supposed to speak at your conference of 20,000 students this summer, and He told me to tell you." To which my employer responded, "Really? Hmmm...well I know God, too, and He didn't tell me that." That story makes me smile because it's as if when we qualify our agenda as "being led by the Spirit" then we have extra clout and we'll get our way. We selfishly say that Spirit said what I want to have happen. Oh if that were the case. In my life, the Spirit almost never leads me to see that I was "right" initially. Normally, the Spirit leads me to see something, which in my flesh, I never would have seen otherwise.
Anyway...I'm getting done...sorry this is so long. Reflecting on that story helps me to bring much of this conversation together. In order to know that it is really the Spirit of God moving us (and not just indigestion or selfish will), we have to know the Word of God; they are both extremely important! The movement of God in the Bible becomes a framework that helps us to see God's movement in our lives. Knowledge of the Scripture is so important, yet it alone is not all there is. I think we have to start looking for the Spirit of God in our lives so that we don't neglect the whole aspect of the Spirit of Truth and so we realize that God is alive and well and working in our lives and on our behalf on a very regular basis. In my church experience, though, we're very heavy on the Word of Truth and we won't even begin to scratch the surface in talking about the Spirit.
Again, I think it's because we're (church leadership) is scared to trust people to appropriately decipher the Spirit of God. But isn't this really a question of trusting the Spirit in people's lives. I mean, just because someone says that they heard the Spirit doesn't actually mean that they did. It's not like they can give the Spirit a bad name...His name is already God (and that's NEVER bad)!! I guess I just wish that honest talk about experiencing God and journeying with Him and the Spirit wasn't so weird and scary.
[sigh] Does any of this make sense at all? I'm lookin for someone to let me know if I'm making sense or if I'm way off or what. Anyway, as always, thanks for listening. Bless you!
The Bible is God's Word, it is infallible, it is God-breathed, it is absolute, and yadda-yadda. I strongly agree with all of that. For all of you modernists out there, it's as simple as that. The Bible is truth. It is God's book, it is his all-inspired word, etcetera etcetera. But I really don't think it's as "simple" as that. As a predominantly postmodern, "young" (as Layla says despite the fact that I'm prematurely graying), single male, I see the point of life as being our call to experience God. In experiencing God, I am drawn to 'love the LORD my God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength' and 'love my neighbor as myself'. I'm drawn to 'go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit'. I'm just plain drawn to live like I'm HIS and to worship Him all along the way! And the Bible is definitely part of that!!! But it is not the only part, and it is definitely not the part I think we should be talking about. Actually, as a general perception, I feel like that's the ONLY part that we do talk about; we talk about the Bible as the truth of God so much, and we neglect the other very personal and intimate ways that God speaks to our hearts on a regular basis through His Spirit. I want to look at the passage we talked through on Sunday because I think it helps s look at these issues even more: 1 John 2:18-27.
This passage centers around the idea of false teachers, which, as a sidenote for all of you Bible trivia buffs, when based off of sheer numbers, is the theme that comes up most repeatedly in the Scripture. But anyway, the part my pastor focused on that I want to share with you comes in verses 24 and 27. My senior pointed out that verse 24 brings out the idea that Bible is the "Word of Truth". It is that which "you have heard from the beginning"; it is God's Word and it is our absolute source of truth. He also brought up that in verse 27 that there is another source of truth, the "Spirit of Truth". Verse 27 talks about the "anointing" that you have received from God and that it teaches you about all things. This 'anointing' represents the Spirit of God and it is also the truth!! It comes from God, in the form of person of the Spirit and it is real in our lives!
So what I want to know is, why don't we ever talk about the Spirit? I mean, just because we're not pentecostal doesn't mean that we can't talk about the amazingly powerful and REAL nature of the Spirit of God in our lives today, does it?! I don't get it. I mean we're not talking about some hokey makeshift gospel, we're talking about God Himself in the form of the Spirit!!! So what are we so afraid of? I mean, yes, my pastor brought this up on Sunday. However, compared to how he developed his talk regarding the Word of Truth (the Bible) and how much emphasis he put on pursuing the Word of Truth and not watering down the Word ever and standing out as a church that practices that in the midst of all the false teaching and teaching the Word to the next generation, his talk about the Spirit of Truth was but little more than drip in the bucket; it didn't compare at all. So why don't we talk about the Spirit?
Honestly, I think it's because we're scared to trust the Spirit. I mean, honestly, I've seen people misuse the Spirit's leading often. My favorite story of this is when a woman was talking to my future employer and she told him, "God told me that my son is supposed to speak at your conference of 20,000 students this summer, and He told me to tell you." To which my employer responded, "Really? Hmmm...well I know God, too, and He didn't tell me that." That story makes me smile because it's as if when we qualify our agenda as "being led by the Spirit" then we have extra clout and we'll get our way. We selfishly say that Spirit said what I want to have happen. Oh if that were the case. In my life, the Spirit almost never leads me to see that I was "right" initially. Normally, the Spirit leads me to see something, which in my flesh, I never would have seen otherwise.
Anyway...I'm getting done...sorry this is so long. Reflecting on that story helps me to bring much of this conversation together. In order to know that it is really the Spirit of God moving us (and not just indigestion or selfish will), we have to know the Word of God; they are both extremely important! The movement of God in the Bible becomes a framework that helps us to see God's movement in our lives. Knowledge of the Scripture is so important, yet it alone is not all there is. I think we have to start looking for the Spirit of God in our lives so that we don't neglect the whole aspect of the Spirit of Truth and so we realize that God is alive and well and working in our lives and on our behalf on a very regular basis. In my church experience, though, we're very heavy on the Word of Truth and we won't even begin to scratch the surface in talking about the Spirit.
Again, I think it's because we're (church leadership) is scared to trust people to appropriately decipher the Spirit of God. But isn't this really a question of trusting the Spirit in people's lives. I mean, just because someone says that they heard the Spirit doesn't actually mean that they did. It's not like they can give the Spirit a bad name...His name is already God (and that's NEVER bad)!! I guess I just wish that honest talk about experiencing God and journeying with Him and the Spirit wasn't so weird and scary.
[sigh] Does any of this make sense at all? I'm lookin for someone to let me know if I'm making sense or if I'm way off or what. Anyway, as always, thanks for listening. Bless you!
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Jesus of Nazareth
Part of what I've done for my youth group over the past few years is search the web high and low for great pics. Here is one of my all time favorites. I don't know where it came from, but I do know how it's stirred my heart. I hope it moves you like it has moved me.
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