If I was going to write a book, this would be the title--Reflections from a Messy Christian. It's amazing to me that so many believers pretend to have it all together--all sorted out and tied up in a pretty bow. So many put on a happy face for Sunday morning, and their snazzy clothes, and they talk the usual Christianese...all the while hiding from what they're really feeling or wishing they could say or tell someone about. Why do so many messy Christians pretend to be all put-together?
I wish I had happy thoughts about church and how it helps people. Right now I don't. I've seen so many times that the church shuns the messy people--they're not welcome. They're asked to leave or change or are not allowed to step foot inside a place that is supposed to love and care about people. Jesus said, "Love one another as I have loved you." How many people did Jesus shun or turn away? How many people didn't feel good enough to be near Him or not welcome around Him? NONE. Jesus surrounded Himself with a motley crew of guys who were basically nobodys by the worlds standards. These men, He would later call His disciples. Jesus welcomed tax collectors and prostitues--those shunned by the wold but important to Him. He welcomed children, whose presence was seen as a bother or burden--even to His disciples. To me, Jesus' mandate to love as He loved is clear. We need to follow His lead and love the messy people.
I wish that church could be the safest place on earth for messy people to be. It's just not. As a result, many people are not welcome and many more become pretenders...just to be able to fit into the shiny environment that they so long to be a part of. Me? I've pretended for a long time...but long for a place where I can be me and come with all my issues--big and small--to a place that draws out healing and life and the Spirit of the Living God in one another. I don't want to be a part of a shiny church, I want to be part of a community that is real and raw and life-giving. The early church was a place where people were drawn--it was a contagious place. Today's church is a place where the messy people know that they're not welcome so they don't even try to go, and even more play the pretend game to try to find comfort in a place where they are never really known. I'm not a cynic--I long for revival and life in the church and I believe it is possible. But it is possible only if we're willing to confront our weaknesses and stop pretending to be all put-together. We have to acknowledge that we are messy believers who don't have it all figured out, and we have to have that modeled from the leadership of our churches. Brokeness and humility and weakness are not signs of a bad Christian or a bad leader, they're signs of a real Christian--a real leader. So what are we afraid of?
I don't know about you, but I'm drawn to the idea of messy Christians openly acknowledging their messiness and their need for their Savior. That's me, as best I can describe myself: a messy Christian who is daily in desperate need of his Savior.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Trust Me
So I was talking to a friend of mine today and she has a major trust issue. It's like she wants to know for certain that no one is taking advantage of her and that she's not getting duped or being lied to like so many of her friends. She's wanting to avoid being that naive "Oh I just trust him" kind of girl, yet is fighting the very nature of trust...faith.
I was trying to explain my perspective by talking about God. Have you ever heard someone ask, "Well if God wanted me to believe in Him, then how come He doesn't make it obvious that He's real? I mean, if He's real, why doesn't he just prove it?" I smile when someone says that first because it shows a WANT to believe. Yet, the nature of God will not ever be to prove Himself. He wants us to believe and therefore give him glory through our belief...because it is not out of proof but out of faith that we desire to know and love and live for Him. Faith is not "proveable" or it would not be faith. 2 + 2 = 4 is not readily questioned, but the only way that I can say God is, was, and will be is not because it is 2 + 2 = 4. It's because I believe Him at His Word. That's faith. That's trust.
So back to talking about everyday human trust.... What is it in our nature that makes us want proof that we're not being duped? Why is the risk of trust so difficult to rest in? Why can't issues like faith and trust come easy for us? What's the hang up? Why when I say "trust me" is the risk so great for the trust-er?
I think for me the reason that I'm okay with trusting and possibly being duped is because I want to take people at their word. I want to want to trust them. I want to call out the sacred within them and allow myself to believe that what they're telling me is true and honest. Granted, trusting a human is a LOT different than trusting God at His Word, becuase God never fails! I am sure to screw up a lot and to fail even the people I love the most. But God is never that way. So when God says "Trust Me", is it just my pride that keeps me from relinquishing the guise of control that I have on my life to see if what He has is really better? What do you think?
I was trying to explain my perspective by talking about God. Have you ever heard someone ask, "Well if God wanted me to believe in Him, then how come He doesn't make it obvious that He's real? I mean, if He's real, why doesn't he just prove it?" I smile when someone says that first because it shows a WANT to believe. Yet, the nature of God will not ever be to prove Himself. He wants us to believe and therefore give him glory through our belief...because it is not out of proof but out of faith that we desire to know and love and live for Him. Faith is not "proveable" or it would not be faith. 2 + 2 = 4 is not readily questioned, but the only way that I can say God is, was, and will be is not because it is 2 + 2 = 4. It's because I believe Him at His Word. That's faith. That's trust.
So back to talking about everyday human trust.... What is it in our nature that makes us want proof that we're not being duped? Why is the risk of trust so difficult to rest in? Why can't issues like faith and trust come easy for us? What's the hang up? Why when I say "trust me" is the risk so great for the trust-er?
I think for me the reason that I'm okay with trusting and possibly being duped is because I want to take people at their word. I want to want to trust them. I want to call out the sacred within them and allow myself to believe that what they're telling me is true and honest. Granted, trusting a human is a LOT different than trusting God at His Word, becuase God never fails! I am sure to screw up a lot and to fail even the people I love the most. But God is never that way. So when God says "Trust Me", is it just my pride that keeps me from relinquishing the guise of control that I have on my life to see if what He has is really better? What do you think?
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Love
Most of my posts here are about God or my journey with the Lord and if you just looked at the title here, you might think that this will be another. Although I'm not asking those of you who share my spiritual convictions to withhold your comments due to the lense through which you see the world (something I should write a post on sometime), I'm not intentionally writing this about God, even though most 6-year olds in Sunday school could tell you "God IS love". I'm just writing this about my most recent romantic episodes.
"It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." What do you think of this quote? I'll agree that romantic love is something that everyone deserves to experience in their life at some point, but the losing part is not something that I would wish on anyone. It is soooo hard. After a little over a year, I've broken up with a girl that I love...not because we had a falling out or something horrible happened, just because we felt that was the best decision for us at this point. I hate the losing part of loving. Is anyone else with me?
"It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." What do you think of this quote? I'll agree that romantic love is something that everyone deserves to experience in their life at some point, but the losing part is not something that I would wish on anyone. It is soooo hard. After a little over a year, I've broken up with a girl that I love...not because we had a falling out or something horrible happened, just because we felt that was the best decision for us at this point. I hate the losing part of loving. Is anyone else with me?
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
The Calm After the Storm
I thought I'd share my most recent support letter with you. I know this isn't riveting material but it will give you a little taste of my life and ministry! Let me know what you think, and if any of you would like to receive my support letter, please let me know.
It’s hard to believe that over one month ago, the 2005-2006 Dare 2 Share tour came to a close. It is so amazing to partner with other Christian youth organizations, like D2S, and see the world impacted with the glory of God--one high schooler and junior higher at a time. We not only experience changed lives right before our eyes, but we also have the assurance that the message of Jesus that almost 50,000 students heard this year at Dare 2 Share alone, continues to make an impact long after the conferences have ended. It’s amazing to watch high school and junior high students catch the vision and allow God to use them to lead the way in revolutionizing this world for Christ. I love it!
I finished our year with a couple crazy months of travel. I found myself experiencing many of those not-so-joyous days spent trapped in the airport as a “frequent flier” instead of in the air where I wanted to be. It has been a whirlwind, but I’m happy to be home now for another month or so before our next event. In this period of time spent back on the home-front, a few major events take place: I turn 27 years old (yikes!), my baby sister graduates high school with honors (and I get to be there to cheer her on), and I become a homeowner (I bought a condo in Frankfort, IL and close on May 25th). By the time you’re reading this, all of these things will already be true…I can hardly believe it. But I am very excited…and nervous, if I’m honest. I’m coming to a place where I don’t know how all the bills will get paid or whether or not I’m going to starve or just gorge myself on junk food, where my old age is making its mark through the gray in my hair and the blur in my eyesight, and where I can no longer promise my dad that no boys will hurt my baby sister (because of a fear of the wrath of her older brothers who know where they live—hehe). However, I do know that I can’t wait to see what the Lord has for me just around the corner. I covet your prayers.
Work is wonderful! I really believe that the work that we do is so extremely important and I absolutely love doing it. I can’t tell you enough how much your love and support (both through prayer and pocketbook) is so appreciated. You truly are members of our team! And though your name isn’t on the side of our new letterhead, you are on our team, and you are impacting the lives of thousands of teenagers as a result of your ministry with and to us. I hope that each of you will do your best to meet us on the road somewhere and get a taste of how we see God move on a daily basis through our events. If you ever want to come and catch up with me, or want to bring students, or want to volunteer with us, please let me know. I would love to see you and to have you physically experience the ministry that you’re so very much a part of.
Besides all of my onsite responsibilities this year which have included being a stage manager for Dare 2 Share, creating and managing all visual graphics for Stuck in the Middle (an all junior high event held this year in Kansas City), being a one-man production team at all of the Dare 2 Share preview events, etc., I’ve also been working on a lot of behind-the-scenes work for Outside the Box (OtB). One of the roles I fall into is a support raiser for our organization. Along with Rolly, my boss, I get the privilege of raising support on behalf of a non-profit organization that I believe in so strongly. We are currently in the process of making these support letters e-friendly. So, for those of you who live on email and might want to get this letter in email form (and help us save money in postage), please email me and let me know. Don’t worry, if you prefer the traditional method of getting this in the mail and putting it on your fridge as a prayer reminder for those of us at Outside the Box, I will happily continue to send you a hard copy. I just want to extend you the option in attempt to stay current and hip (something we will always face, as we keep getting older, and our primary audience, teenagers, always seem to stay the same age). :) So let me know which you prefer.
We have a couple other wonderful opportunities to be part of this summer. We are working on both DCLA, a Youth Specialties evangelism-training event for high schoolers, and New Awakening, a collegiate growth conference sponsored by JAMA. These two events, which happen on the same dates and in the same cities this summer, will force us to be flexible and trust God in order to make it through. While we might, at times, be a little unsure how we’re going to survive these two grueling weeks, we are all anxiously anticipating the struggle and watching how God will show up in amazing ways. Pray for us over the weeks of July 1-4 in Washington, D.C. and August 8-11 in Anaheim, California. God continues to grow us as we work for his glory, and we continue to see the lives of teenagers impacted with the message of the gospel. Thank you for your partnership in this important ministry. Remember, you are a valuable part of our team! There is absolutely no way that we could complete the work God has given us without you! Thank you so much!
Teaming with you for His glory!
BJ
Event Production Assistant
Outside the Box Ministries
www.otbm.org
It’s hard to believe that over one month ago, the 2005-2006 Dare 2 Share tour came to a close. It is so amazing to partner with other Christian youth organizations, like D2S, and see the world impacted with the glory of God--one high schooler and junior higher at a time. We not only experience changed lives right before our eyes, but we also have the assurance that the message of Jesus that almost 50,000 students heard this year at Dare 2 Share alone, continues to make an impact long after the conferences have ended. It’s amazing to watch high school and junior high students catch the vision and allow God to use them to lead the way in revolutionizing this world for Christ. I love it!
I finished our year with a couple crazy months of travel. I found myself experiencing many of those not-so-joyous days spent trapped in the airport as a “frequent flier” instead of in the air where I wanted to be. It has been a whirlwind, but I’m happy to be home now for another month or so before our next event. In this period of time spent back on the home-front, a few major events take place: I turn 27 years old (yikes!), my baby sister graduates high school with honors (and I get to be there to cheer her on), and I become a homeowner (I bought a condo in Frankfort, IL and close on May 25th). By the time you’re reading this, all of these things will already be true…I can hardly believe it. But I am very excited…and nervous, if I’m honest. I’m coming to a place where I don’t know how all the bills will get paid or whether or not I’m going to starve or just gorge myself on junk food, where my old age is making its mark through the gray in my hair and the blur in my eyesight, and where I can no longer promise my dad that no boys will hurt my baby sister (because of a fear of the wrath of her older brothers who know where they live—hehe). However, I do know that I can’t wait to see what the Lord has for me just around the corner. I covet your prayers.
Work is wonderful! I really believe that the work that we do is so extremely important and I absolutely love doing it. I can’t tell you enough how much your love and support (both through prayer and pocketbook) is so appreciated. You truly are members of our team! And though your name isn’t on the side of our new letterhead, you are on our team, and you are impacting the lives of thousands of teenagers as a result of your ministry with and to us. I hope that each of you will do your best to meet us on the road somewhere and get a taste of how we see God move on a daily basis through our events. If you ever want to come and catch up with me, or want to bring students, or want to volunteer with us, please let me know. I would love to see you and to have you physically experience the ministry that you’re so very much a part of.
Besides all of my onsite responsibilities this year which have included being a stage manager for Dare 2 Share, creating and managing all visual graphics for Stuck in the Middle (an all junior high event held this year in Kansas City), being a one-man production team at all of the Dare 2 Share preview events, etc., I’ve also been working on a lot of behind-the-scenes work for Outside the Box (OtB). One of the roles I fall into is a support raiser for our organization. Along with Rolly, my boss, I get the privilege of raising support on behalf of a non-profit organization that I believe in so strongly. We are currently in the process of making these support letters e-friendly. So, for those of you who live on email and might want to get this letter in email form (and help us save money in postage), please email me and let me know. Don’t worry, if you prefer the traditional method of getting this in the mail and putting it on your fridge as a prayer reminder for those of us at Outside the Box, I will happily continue to send you a hard copy. I just want to extend you the option in attempt to stay current and hip (something we will always face, as we keep getting older, and our primary audience, teenagers, always seem to stay the same age). :) So let me know which you prefer.
We have a couple other wonderful opportunities to be part of this summer. We are working on both DCLA, a Youth Specialties evangelism-training event for high schoolers, and New Awakening, a collegiate growth conference sponsored by JAMA. These two events, which happen on the same dates and in the same cities this summer, will force us to be flexible and trust God in order to make it through. While we might, at times, be a little unsure how we’re going to survive these two grueling weeks, we are all anxiously anticipating the struggle and watching how God will show up in amazing ways. Pray for us over the weeks of July 1-4 in Washington, D.C. and August 8-11 in Anaheim, California. God continues to grow us as we work for his glory, and we continue to see the lives of teenagers impacted with the message of the gospel. Thank you for your partnership in this important ministry. Remember, you are a valuable part of our team! There is absolutely no way that we could complete the work God has given us without you! Thank you so much!
Teaming with you for His glory!
BJ
Event Production Assistant
Outside the Box Ministries
www.otbm.org
Thursday, May 25, 2006
What do you think?
I know, I know...I haven't written in forever. I don't know why I'm even bothering to act like someone else is reading this. I don't know how that would happen due to my severely unkept blog. (Down with the author!) Anyway, I have been thinking about this and just want to get it out. If anyone's reading, let me know what you think.
I went to Wheaton College and during that time I had one guy who was really my best friend. He was a freshman on my floor when I was a sophomore. He again was on my floor when I was an RA as a junior, and our senior year we lived together in an apartment with two other guys. When I graduated, he took a year off of school to work and catch his breath and again we lived together. We did everything together! He was truly my best friend. Not all of our endeavors were smart...we screwed up our fair share of times, but we were together--there for each other to the very end. After his year break, he decided to move back home and so did I, due to my lack of a roommate. Fast forward to today....
It is now 4 years later. Since my friend moved home, I've probably called him 100 times and left over 50 messages. (I honestly have no idea of the exact numbers, but they feel astronomical.) I've never heard from him. Never. Not, "Hey I'm busy." Not, "Please don't contact me." Not, "Leave me alone." NOTHING! And so the question that is burning inside me...WHY????
I honestly cannot describe to you how this whole scenario makes me feel. Over the past four years, there have been irreversible events that I don't understand: my uncle dying of cancer, my brother's best friend dying in a motorcycle accident, a good friend of mine, an expecting father and husband, dying in a tragic motorcycle accident--horrible things that I don't understand. However, I trust that God is in control of those things and I can learn to accept them. My current status with my best friend, however, I just cannot accept. This statement is not a statement about God (I don't think), but rather an absolute cry for an answer to why things are the way they are with my buddy.
So I ask you: what do you think? I'm hurt so badly by this broken relationship that I'm even surprised by it. I feel like there is a part of my life that has a gaping hole in it, and I search desperately for an answer. I've been hurt and angry and upset over all of this, but now...after YEARS...when I think about it yet again, I just plain miss my friend.
I don't know how else to say it.
I went to Wheaton College and during that time I had one guy who was really my best friend. He was a freshman on my floor when I was a sophomore. He again was on my floor when I was an RA as a junior, and our senior year we lived together in an apartment with two other guys. When I graduated, he took a year off of school to work and catch his breath and again we lived together. We did everything together! He was truly my best friend. Not all of our endeavors were smart...we screwed up our fair share of times, but we were together--there for each other to the very end. After his year break, he decided to move back home and so did I, due to my lack of a roommate. Fast forward to today....
It is now 4 years later. Since my friend moved home, I've probably called him 100 times and left over 50 messages. (I honestly have no idea of the exact numbers, but they feel astronomical.) I've never heard from him. Never. Not, "Hey I'm busy." Not, "Please don't contact me." Not, "Leave me alone." NOTHING! And so the question that is burning inside me...WHY????
I honestly cannot describe to you how this whole scenario makes me feel. Over the past four years, there have been irreversible events that I don't understand: my uncle dying of cancer, my brother's best friend dying in a motorcycle accident, a good friend of mine, an expecting father and husband, dying in a tragic motorcycle accident--horrible things that I don't understand. However, I trust that God is in control of those things and I can learn to accept them. My current status with my best friend, however, I just cannot accept. This statement is not a statement about God (I don't think), but rather an absolute cry for an answer to why things are the way they are with my buddy.
So I ask you: what do you think? I'm hurt so badly by this broken relationship that I'm even surprised by it. I feel like there is a part of my life that has a gaping hole in it, and I search desperately for an answer. I've been hurt and angry and upset over all of this, but now...after YEARS...when I think about it yet again, I just plain miss my friend.
I don't know how else to say it.
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