Saturday, May 28, 2005

The Return of the Prodigal Son

Here's a post I've been saving for a good time. It's about one of my favorite books, The Return of the Prodigal Son. Henri Nouwen wrote this book in response to the parable of the lost son found in Luke 15:11-31. I encourage you to reread this passage before reading his relections below. Nouwen didn't just reflect on this passage, though. He wrote this work as a written reflection of Rembrandt's pictorial representation of Luke 15:11-31 shown here:





Get a taste of Nouwen's book, The Return of the Prodigal Son, through these two small compilations of quotes from the book.

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"YOU ARE MY BELOVED, ON YOU MY FAVOR RESTS"

"The Father is always looking for me with outstretched arms to receive me back and whisper again in my ear: 'You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests.'

Somehow I have become deaf to the voice that calls me the Beloved, have left the only place where I can hear that voice, and have gone off desperately hoping that I would find somewhere else what I could no longer find at home. When I forget that voice of the first unconditional love, then innocent suggestions can easily start dominating my life and pull me into the 'distant country'.

Leaving home is, then, much more than an historical event bound to time and place. It is a denial of the spiritual reality that I belong to God with every part of my being, that God holds me safe in an eternal embrace, that I am indeed carved in the palms of God’s hands and hidden in their shadows. Leaving home means ignoring the truth that God has 'fashioned me in secret, moulded me in the depths of the earth and knitted me together in my mother’s womb.' (Psalm 139) Leaving home is living as though I do not yet have a home and must look far and wide to find one.

Home is the center of my being where I can hear the voice that says: 'You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests'—the same voice that gave life to Adam and spoke to Jesus; the same voice that speaks to all the children of God and sets them free to live in the midst of a dark world while remaining in the light. I have heard that voice. It has spoken to me in the past and continued to speak to me now. It is the never-interrupted voice of love speaking from eternity and giving life and love whenever it is heard. When I hear that voice, I know that I am home with God and have nothing to fear.

God has never pulled back his arms, never withheld his blessing, never stopped considering his son the Beloved One. But the Father couldn’t compel his son to stay home. He couldn’t force his love on the Beloved. He had to let him go in freedom, even though he knew the pain it would cause both his son and himself. It was love itself that prevented him from keeping his son home at all cost. It was love itself that allowed him to let his son find his own life, even with the risk of losing it.

Here the mystery of life is unveiled. I am loved so much that I am left free to leave home. The blessing is there from the beginning. I have left it and keep on leaving it. But the Father is always looking for me with outstretched arms to receive me back and whisper again in my ear: 'You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests.'"

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"GOD WANTS TO FIND ME!"

"For most of my life I have struggled to find God, to know God, to love God. I have failed many times but always tried again, even when I was close to despair.

Now I wonder whether I have sufficiently realized that during all this time God has been trying to find me, to know me, and to love me. God is looking into the distance for me, trying to find me, and longing to bring me home.

It might sound strange, but God wants to find me as much as, if not more than, I want to find God. I am beginning now to see how radically the character of my spiritual journey will change when I no longer think of God as hiding out and making it as difficult as possible for me to find him, but, instead, as the one who is looking for me while I am doing the hiding. When I look through God’s eyes at my lost self and discover God’s joy at my coming home, then my life may become less anguished and more trusting.

The parable of the prodigal son is a story that speaks about a love that existed before any rejection was possible and that will still be there after all rejections have taken place. It is the first and everlasting love of a God who is Father as well as Mother. It is the fountain of all true human love, even the most limited. Jesus’ whole life and preaching had only one aim: to reveal this inexhaustible, unlimited motherly and fatherly love of his God and to show the way to let that love guide every part of our daily lives. In his painting of the father, Rembrandt offers me a glimpse of that love. It is the love that always welcomes home and wants to celebrate."

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Nouwen's words beautifully portray the love that our heavenly Father has for each one of us. Don't waste another day: return to the arms of your loving, eternal Father today. He's been wanting to find you for so long. I love Henri Nouwen because in the way he writes I'm drawn more and more to the overwhelming love and acceptance that is freely offered to you and I through Jesus. He helps me appreciate the depth of my Lord's love and acceptance of me, a prodigal. How about you? How does all this come across to you. May we find ourselves today as the beloved of the Father and come out of hiding, realizing that God has been pursuing us for so long. Bless you!

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Spirit Storytime

Ok...so I just finished a HUGE comment on a blog-friend's blog and I thought that I should probably just use it as the meat of today's post. We've been dialoging about the Spirit of God and I was wondering if any of you would want to share stories of "successes" or "failures" at listening to the Spirit of God. I thought it might be a source of encouragement as we all seek to listen and sometimes to so well, and sometimes not so well. Anyway...if you want, I'd love to hear them. I'll start.

A few years back I was at a party where, for all I know, I was the only believer present. (I really don't know nor did I really want to consider the spiritual state of the others there, but anywho I was there and interacting with others.) I would strike up random conversations with friends and new acquaintances, talking about whatever...asking a lot of questions...really, I was just passing the time. Eventually the question that I had asked to so many others that evening was posed back to me, "so what's your major in school?" To which my response was brief, "business", and I added, "and I'm a Spanish minor". At that moment, I felt the Spirit of God telling me so strongly to be completely honest (because I was also a Christian Education and Ministry major). I just sort of ignored the thought in my head and pretended I didn't hear it thinking to myself, 'Why in the world would he want to hear about that?' So I ignored that call. But that voice didn't stop. It came back again...and I ignored it again...and again...and I ignored it. Needless to say, that I ignored the Spirit's leading over and over that night because I "didn't feel like going there when I was at a party and didn't really know these people" and blah blah. Really, I just didn't want to be seen as one of those "Jesus freaks". I blew it in a major way that night; I stifled the Spirit of God, and I'll never forget it.

I'd very freely call that a failure except that God really taught me through that experience and I hope (and pray) that I'll never make a similar mistake like that again. Fast forward to a year or so ago.Here's what I might call a success:

Last summer I took a group of students to Peru on a missions trip. The year prior I went down to Peru by myself to visit the place we'd be living and working and just to get to know the missionaries there. Needless to say that I fell in love with my new missionary friends, John and Jannette, and really felt a strong connection with them. We were able to openly talk about deep spiritual things and share our lives with one another. It was the start of a beautiful friendship. :)

In one of those moments, they were telling me about their daughter who they very obviously love soooo dearly. They were sharing a little about her and her story...how she'd fallen away from God and was living with a guy that she'd recently had a baby with and wasn't in any sort of community or real relationship that spurred her on to the LORD. (I don't write any of these details as a statement of moral judgment...I'm merely relaying the facts as they were told to me to give you some background.) She was a little younger than me at the time, and Jannette was telling me about her daughter as if she were her most prized possession. Tearfully, she shared some of the hurts and frustrations that her daughter had expressed from her and I could see the love that she and John had for their daughter.

Well, on my way back to the States, they asked if I could mail some letters for them. One of the letters happened to be for their daughter. I brought it all the way back up to Chicago and as I was about to drop it in the outgoing mail, I heard a small voice telling me to write her. I started thinking...'Yeah right, why would I do that? She doesn't know me, she'll think I'm some weirdo for writing her out of the blue.' Anyway, the Spirit was insistent, "Write her."

Needless to say, I wrote her, not wanting for me to again end in failure from not responding to God's still small voice. I wrote her and told her who I was and that I had just spent a week with her parents. I told her that in my time there I'd grown to love her parents a lot and that I just wanted to let her know that they pray for her everyday. I told her that her mom and dad gushed over how wonderful she is and I finished my letter with, "Thought you should know all this," and that was it. I wrote the letter, tossed it in an envelope and mailed it. And for many hours afterward I wondered why I did such a weird thing. :)

I don't know how weird that girl thought I was for writing her out of the blue and telling her that stuff, but I know that when I told her parents that I did that a year later, they both started crying. I'll probably never know what God did with that letter, but I do know that I didn't ignore the Spirit that time...nor will I intentionally ignore Him ever again. (At least I hope I won't. I know I'm not above doing stupid things like ignoring the Spirit but I really want to listen...no matter how weird it sounds.)

So, what started as a comment in a blog has now become my post for the day. So what about you? Any stories for storytime?

Monday, May 23, 2005

THE neglected SPIRIT

Yesterday my senior pastor talked about modernism and postmodernism and how these two ways of thinking affect the church and create miscommunication between the members. He jokingly made some comment about how he can't stand when postmoderns use the word "journey" in reference to their spiritual walk with God. He said, "When they say that, I feel like I should be on Oprah or something." In that split second I didn't know whether to be offended or laugh out loud, but I chose the middle ground of pretending he didn't say anything at all (which probably hints at the fact that I was in some way offended...at least a little). I mean, check out what I wrote for my little snip-it about me here on my blog. I write, "I'm a prematurely graying single male who loves Jesus and desires to journey with Him forever." I really like that statement (well all but the part about me going gray already. I mean, I started graying at 23! What the heck is that about?!). To me, the knowledge that life is a journey helps me to desire to experience God on a daily basis, no matter what terrain I'm walking. Which brings me to my major point of concern that was my pastor's topic of speaking this past Sunday: the sources of the Truth.

The Bible is God's Word, it is infallible, it is God-breathed, it is absolute, and yadda-yadda. I strongly agree with all of that. For all of you modernists out there, it's as simple as that. The Bible is truth. It is God's book, it is his all-inspired word, etcetera etcetera. But I really don't think it's as "simple" as that. As a predominantly postmodern, "young" (as Layla says despite the fact that I'm prematurely graying), single male, I see the point of life as being our call to experience God. In experiencing God, I am drawn to 'love the LORD my God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength' and 'love my neighbor as myself'. I'm drawn to 'go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit'. I'm just plain drawn to live like I'm HIS and to worship Him all along the way! And the Bible is definitely part of that!!! But it is not the only part, and it is definitely not the part I think we should be talking about. Actually, as a general perception, I feel like that's the ONLY part that we do talk about; we talk about the Bible as the truth of God so much, and we neglect the other very personal and intimate ways that God speaks to our hearts on a regular basis through His Spirit. I want to look at the passage we talked through on Sunday because I think it helps s look at these issues even more: 1 John 2:18-27.

This passage centers around the idea of false teachers, which, as a sidenote for all of you Bible trivia buffs, when based off of sheer numbers, is the theme that comes up most repeatedly in the Scripture. But anyway, the part my pastor focused on that I want to share with you comes in verses 24 and 27. My senior pointed out that verse 24 brings out the idea that Bible is the "Word of Truth". It is that which "you have heard from the beginning"; it is God's Word and it is our absolute source of truth. He also brought up that in verse 27 that there is another source of truth, the "Spirit of Truth". Verse 27 talks about the "anointing" that you have received from God and that it teaches you about all things. This 'anointing' represents the Spirit of God and it is also the truth!! It comes from God, in the form of person of the Spirit and it is real in our lives!

So what I want to know is, why don't we ever talk about the Spirit? I mean, just because we're not pentecostal doesn't mean that we can't talk about the amazingly powerful and REAL nature of the Spirit of God in our lives today, does it?! I don't get it. I mean we're not talking about some hokey makeshift gospel, we're talking about God Himself in the form of the Spirit!!! So what are we so afraid of? I mean, yes, my pastor brought this up on Sunday. However, compared to how he developed his talk regarding the Word of Truth (the Bible) and how much emphasis he put on pursuing the Word of Truth and not watering down the Word ever and standing out as a church that practices that in the midst of all the false teaching and teaching the Word to the next generation, his talk about the Spirit of Truth was but little more than drip in the bucket; it didn't compare at all. So why don't we talk about the Spirit?

Honestly, I think it's because we're scared to trust the Spirit. I mean, honestly, I've seen people misuse the Spirit's leading often. My favorite story of this is when a woman was talking to my future employer and she told him, "God told me that my son is supposed to speak at your conference of 20,000 students this summer, and He told me to tell you." To which my employer responded, "Really? Hmmm...well I know God, too, and He didn't tell me that." That story makes me smile because it's as if when we qualify our agenda as "being led by the Spirit" then we have extra clout and we'll get our way. We selfishly say that Spirit said what I want to have happen. Oh if that were the case. In my life, the Spirit almost never leads me to see that I was "right" initially. Normally, the Spirit leads me to see something, which in my flesh, I never would have seen otherwise.

Anyway...I'm getting done...sorry this is so long. Reflecting on that story helps me to bring much of this conversation together. In order to know that it is really the Spirit of God moving us (and not just indigestion or selfish will), we have to know the Word of God; they are both extremely important! The movement of God in the Bible becomes a framework that helps us to see God's movement in our lives. Knowledge of the Scripture is so important, yet it alone is not all there is. I think we have to start looking for the Spirit of God in our lives so that we don't neglect the whole aspect of the Spirit of Truth and so we realize that God is alive and well and working in our lives and on our behalf on a very regular basis. In my church experience, though, we're very heavy on the Word of Truth and we won't even begin to scratch the surface in talking about the Spirit.

Again, I think it's because we're (church leadership) is scared to trust people to appropriately decipher the Spirit of God. But isn't this really a question of trusting the Spirit in people's lives. I mean, just because someone says that they heard the Spirit doesn't actually mean that they did. It's not like they can give the Spirit a bad name...His name is already God (and that's NEVER bad)!! I guess I just wish that honest talk about experiencing God and journeying with Him and the Spirit wasn't so weird and scary.

[sigh] Does any of this make sense at all? I'm lookin for someone to let me know if I'm making sense or if I'm way off or what. Anyway, as always, thanks for listening. Bless you!

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Jesus of Nazareth


Part of what I've done for my youth group over the past few years is search the web high and low for great pics. Here is one of my all time favorites. I don't know where it came from, but I do know how it's stirred my heart. I hope it moves you like it has moved me.

Friday, May 20, 2005

Forgiveness

So, I'm in my first hour of my 26th year on this earth, and I really felt like it was time to write about what God has been doing in my life. Sometimes in life it's very clear that God is trying to teach me something, and there's no question that this is one of those times.

I was talking to a friend of mine after playing poker with the boys the other night and on my way home from his house, God was teaching me something. I had an assignment that I was going to start to talk about with my counselor but I really felt led to talk about this new revelation from my LORD instead. God was so loud and so clear in those moments on my drive home, it's as if He was carefully placing the thoughts in my head and letting me know that they were from Him. And these thoughts center on the topic of forgiveness.

My buddy Josh is a musician and is usually the one to expose me to some new artist or something that he's been listening to. He's currently on a Robbie Seay Band kick, and the chorus of one of their songs goes like this:

Tasting forgiveness
Drinking of mercy
Feast on redemption
Tasting forgiveness

God has brought this song to my mind a lot over the past few days as I've been wrestling with the words He gave me in the car that night. I've been singing it, almost preparing myself for the transforming work that God is doing in my life.

Have you ever been hurt by someone--someone close to you--and you expect them to be the ones to come and make right on the situation? And when they do (if they do) they say something like, "I'm sorry for what happened...but...." It's like they're almost intentionally trying to make you mad about the very thing that hurt you initially by pointing out how your wrong even in the midst of their "apology". Well, needless to say, I've had some more interactions in 2005 when people that I've respected and looked up to and that "love" me have hurt me so badly. Not only have they hurt my feelings and bashed my ministry and crushed my spirit, but they think they're right and their apologies (for the one person that actually apologized at all) were not really apologies but more hurtful interactions that make me want to steer clear of that subject matter and that person all together. Well, the words God has been speaking to me is about forgiveness, I told you that. Specifically, God is calling me to forgive these people. He's calling ME to forgive THEM.

Ugh! I can't tell you how humbling an experience this has been for me over the past few days. Why would God ask me to forgive them? They're the ones that have hurt me! They're the ones that continue to selfishly push their agenda even in their "apologies" and end up hurting me even more. They've wronged me! What did I do wrong? ...and the answer comes: nothing. Absolutely nothing. I've done nothing wrong.

Sound familiar? My LORD was beaten beyond recognition, stabbed, had a crown of thorns rammed into His skull, He was mocked, He was rejected by men--even His disciples turned on Him, He was broken, He was hung on a cross as a criminal, and He was put to death for false accusations. What did He do wrong? ...and the answer comes: nothing. Absolutely nothing. My LORD did nothing wrong. And yet He forgave all. He forgave the soldiers who flogged Him, He forgave the thief on the cross next to Him, He forgave you and I who, with our sin, hung Him there. He has forgiven everyone and He did nothing wrong.

Deep at the heart of forgiveness is an utter selflessness. There is a humility and lowliness that the forgiver must have. And ultimately it doesn't come out of the merit of the person needing forgiveness. It comes freely out a depth of love for another. Jesus loved so much that He was willing to forgive the world for their sin and bear it all with His body and His blood, and He did nothing wrong. And yet I selfishly cling to my hurts and declare that I've been wronged and wait for these respected believers to seek me out to ask for my forgiveness! Oh LORD, please forgive my arrogance in the way that I long to be justified in the eyes of men. But you already have, haven't you Father? You already have forgiven me! Oh how I love you and praise you for your goodness. It is you alone that I give my heart and my life. Thank you for your forgiveness which comes to me daily as a result of Christ's work, once for all, on Calvary that we may ALL be justified in your name.

This reality sheds new light on Jesus' words regarding Matthew 18:21-35. (Make sure you click the link and read the passage!!!) Here Peter asks, "Lord, how many times shal I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" And Jesus replies by saying "seventy-seven" or "seventy times seven". He's saying that we are to forgive our brother and sister who sins against us EVERY TIME!! EVERY TIME!!! I hate that. I don't want to forgive them. I want them to want to be forgiven...and so does our LORD. He forgives us so freely and He wants us to want to be forgiven and yet so many of those that He's created in His image reject Him and ignore His love. He wants us to want to be forgiven and yet His forgiveness is not dependent on us in any way. It's just plain offered. He forgives because it's in His nature to love and forgive. I want that so badly. I want to know of that selfless love and be able to offer it at a moment’s notice. Yet my flesh clings to these hurts and demands retribution.

I’m now into the second hour of my 26th year on this earth and I’m so very grateful to my LORD. I’m grateful for the forgiveness that I’ve received which has nothing to do with my merit or my worthiness but has everything to do with Him. And I’m thankful for car rides home when the Spirit of God speaks to me in such clear ways. Now all I have to do is figure out how to release these people from the bonds that I’ve created for them. I want to love them and free them from the hurt they’ve brought in my life without any semblance of reckoning on their part…and without them even knowing that I’ve been carrying this for a long time. Would you pray for me, that God would do this mighty work in my life: helping me to release my brother and sister to the forgiving love that can only come by the work of Christ at Calvary and the power of His Holy Spirit that is within me. Wouldn’t that be a great way to start my 26th year? I covet your prayers.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

My Son

Here's something I wrote while I was at Wheaton College:


Give me, Lord, courage to trust when I can’t see—
Courage to live and courage to be.
Give me, Lord, the strength to endure—
All of the trials, and Lord keep me pure.
Keep me, Lord, down on my face—
Both before and after and even during the race,
That I may give thanks and seek help all of my days,
That I may glorify you and bring to you praise.
I love you, my Lord—my God and my King.
I love you so much more than anything.
For even in the hurt—these times when I don’t understand,
I know you’re beside me, still holding my hand.
I know that you’re there Lord, desiring that I
Give you control—supreme control—of my life.
“But Lord,” I cry, “that is so hard—so hard to do.”
“Yes, my son,” you respond, “I agree it’s hard. That’s true.
But remember Christ—your Savior and friend.
Surrender to him from now till the end.
BJ, look through my eyes. Look and see!
Have that courage to live and courage to be
The son that you are, that child of mine,
The son I adore—my perfect design.
Remember, BJ, that it is only through me
That a perfect son you ever will be.
So, model the Christ—the only perfect one,
And become, grow up and develop, more and more as my son.”

BJ -- September 2, 1999


Amazing that I can be the son of the God of the universe. He calls us children! Not that I am worthy, O God, but that you are that gracious. Thank you.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Oh the Joys of Accountability

In today's post, I've adapted a prior article that I wrote for my church so that we could dialogue about it a little bit. So here you go:

Though I have experienced the joys of accountability, my title for this article was written a bit tongue-in-cheek. The Lord has given me opportunities in the past couple of years to rethink the practices that we typically consider as a normal part of accountability. Let me paint a picture of accountability for you.... In effective accountability, honesty abounds. Members experience Christian community by living out James 5:16, "Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” This is a safe place where the sinner can be set free from shame through the opportunity to be honest with trusted friends, and where those friends get the opportunity to extend Jesus’ love, accepting support, and forgiveness in spite of the entangling sin. Beautiful, isn’t it? This is one of the true joys of accountability. However, this is not the whole picture....

Honesty in accountability is wonderful. However, loving, supportive, acceptance of one another in the midst of our sin gives us a distorted, one-sided view of accountability. Accountability members are reminded in Ephesians that they are to “speak the truth in love”. So, effective accountability is not just honest and loving; it also involves both rebuke and forgiveness. In Luke 17:3, Jesus says, "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him." So what happens when in weekly accountability the same sins keep coming up? What happens when your accountability partners choose the bondage of repeated sin and then mouth the words of repentance? Better yet, what happens when you choose the bondage of repeated sin and then mouth the words of repentance? If an accountability relationship is at the point where we’re frustrated and asking these questions, then we are missing the greatest joy of accountability. Let me explain.

God has really reconfigured my thinking on accountability. Here is my epiphany: Accountability is not primarily about our sin; accountability is primarily about our pursuit of God. During a wonderful evening a little over a year ago, my best friends and partners in ministry at the time (Ben and Josh) and I were afforded the tremendous opportunity to have dinner with one of our favorite couples, Jim and Sue. That night God struck me, again, with what God has intended accountability to be. Jim and Sue recounted to us their then recent spiritual retreat, where Larry Crabb had challenged them to, as Jim said, "draw out the gold in people." What does that mean? It means that we are to encourage one another in our walks with Christ firstnot focus on sin first! Our focus on putting off sin must come as a response to our deep personal desire to pursue God and honor him with who we are (Romans 12:1). In accountability, this could look like focusing on, “What did you do this week to pursue Jesus?” or “How did you meet with God this week?” rather than, “How have you sinned this week?” When the focus of accountability is sin, then sin will continue to abound, and when the focus of accountability is Jesus and our pursuit of Him, then He will abound in our lives. It reminds me of a statement that God impressed upon my heart in college and something he continues to teach me still today: “Sin breeds more sin, and holiness breeds more holiness.” When our focus is on our pursuit of Jesus, it is only natural that we will change sinful habits in our lives and throw off anything that hinders (Hebrews 12:1). Holiness does truly "breed" more holiness. I’m convinced that we need to draw out the Jesus in one another and experience the greatest joy of accountability.

Care to join me?

Friday, May 13, 2005

A New View of God

It has been interesting working with high school students and hearing how they talk about God and thus formulating what their view of Him must be. Some of them view God as the nagging mother who doesn't let them do anything fun ever. (This is not to say that you mothers who are reading this are nagging moms, but let's face it: they do exist, and when they do, these moms are dang good at their nagging.) Some of my high schoolers view God a sort-of 'Santa Claus in the sky' kind of guy. Some of them view God as a distant judge who doesn't really care but just wants to burn them when they screw up. So, how about you? What is your view of God?

One book that changed my way of thinking was Larry Crabb's, The Pressure's Off. In reading that book I was forced to think about just how often I view God as mysource of blessings--and rightfully so, because He is. God has done so much for us: He's our provider and protector, He's given us family and has allotted us his cattle (see Psalm 50, verse 10 in particular), some more than others; our God is the bestower of many blessings. In The Pressre's Off, though, I was forced to evaluate my view of God in giving an honest answer to this deep question: Is God just your source of blessings or is He truly your greatest blessing? One more time:

Do you view God as your source of blessings or as your greatest blessing?

I don't know how that hits you...but for me, this was a HUGE wake up call for me. My intentions were good: I desired to view my LORD as my greatest blessing, but the way that I prayed and the way that I trusted and relied on Him revealed so much of the contrary. I mean, when it comes down to it, I don't want to pray for more cattle. (If you didn't link to Psalm 50 and read it, then you're wondering why I'm talking about cattle...so here's another chance for you: Psalm 50.) The cattle is only valuable when we realize that it is God who has bestowed it. It's not about the cattle, it's about HIM!!! I'd much rather pray for more of Him, wouldn't you? What would your life look like with more of Jesus in it?

I'll bet you that if you start praying for more of Him, then you'll get more of Him, and when you get more of Him, you'll want even more. And eventually, I really believe that you won't be happy with a mere increase in your cattle...unless, of course, it means an increase of His presence and His Spirit with you as well.

Let me know what you think! Bless you!

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

The Aches: Head and Heart

I woke up today and felt like crap. I'm not sure why, but I had this pounding headache that I just couldn't shake. My head isn't the only thing that has been ailing me as of late, however. This past Monday night we had our last REVOLUTION of the year. (The REVOLUTION, by the way, is the name of our high school youth group and the ministry in which I've served for the past few years.) This past Monday was our featured Praise and Share Night where students and leaders are led into worship and then asked to publicly praise God by sharing a little about what they've learned over the past year or what they've struggled to let go of. It is always a thrilling time that draws me (and many others) to experience the impact of true community and corporate praise and worship. Despite some really annoying feedback during our worship set, God really used that night to create another ache in me: heartache.

God blessed me with a powerful night of seeing the fruit of the relationships we've established and work we've accomplished over the past three years. To see students worshipping God with a reckless abandon that I long to see in our adult population on a Sunday morning, was such a beautiful site. And even more humbling was when one of our volunteer leaders led students to pray for my buddy and I, while laying hands on us. They sort of commissioned us as we're moving on from our positions as co-directors of the youth ministry. I still don't feel worthy to have been used as a laborer in the God's Kingdom. I mean, He is so holy, and I nearly screwed everything up on so many different occasions. Yet God has been so faithful. He's protected me and humbled me and forced me to depend on Him in so many ways. I know that I did not deserve any of the praises of our youth group that evening, yet God in His goodness allowed me to receive it from Him. Knowing what I know about myself and wretch that I am in my flesh, I deflected that praise back to Him in attempts to give glory where glory is due. After all, He is one that is good! How he can use me in spite of me, I just don't know. But I do know that it has been a joy to serve Him in this ministry over the past three years, and I plan on serving Him for many years to come.

I'm not done serving Him here at the church, but each day that I have left at the church reminds me that one season of life is coming to a close and another is being opened, which brings up many memories and emotions. Maybe my felt heartache has contributed to today's felt headache (which is an understatement, let me tell you). I'm not sure exactly why I'm feeling the way I am, but I am glad for all my aches today as they've helped me to fall (again) at the feet of my Savior and say, "Thank you, Father! All praise and glory be to YOUR name."

May we continue to give glory where glory is due and receive from God the humbling blessing of being used to increase His glory! Bless you!

Our Ever-Present Companion

In digging through the pile of junk that I've so delicately jammed into the extended cab of my beat-up Ford Ranger, I unearthed a devotional written by perhaps my favorite author of all time: Brennan Manning. The book, called Reflections for Ragamuffinsis an excellent devotional taken from Brennan's other writings. Here is the devotional entry from May 11th:

Standing on a London street corner, G.K. Chesterton was approached by a newspaper reporter. "Sir, I understand that you recently became a Christian. May I ask you one question?"

"Certainly," replied Chesterton.

"If the risen Christ suddenly appeared at this very moment and stood behind you, what would you do?"

Chesterton looked the reporter squarely in the eye and said, "He is."

Is this a mere figure of speech, wishful thinking, a piece of pious rhetoric? No, this truth is the most real fact about our life; it is our life. The Jesus who walked the roads of Judea and Galilee is the One who stands beside us. The Christ of history is the Christ of faith.
I love it! Jesus is our ever-present companion. What a powerful truth that Chesterton had realized even as a new believer in the risen LORD. If only we had such a faith! May we, my brothers and sisters, grasp the present reality that He is truly with us.

Monday, May 09, 2005

A Living Treasure

So I seem to be on what my roommate from college used to affectionately call the "sleep freak cycle". Back in college, we typically entered 'the cycle' from staying up too late playing speed monopoly and talking theology in the hallways of Wheaton's Fischer dorm, all-the-while knowing that we still had to get up for early morning class--at least the freshman did, since by being freshman they did not have the luxury to schedule all of their classes at a later hour, thus suffering the greatest curse of being freshman. All of us Wheaties, however, whether freshman or not, had to make it to our Monday, Wednesday, Friday chapel, though. We did so to avoid being put on probation which could potentially jeopardize our parking permits and our ability to preschedule our classes a semester in advance. These were both musts because a.) we didn't want to be stuck in the "Wheaton bubble" against our will with no way out, and b.) we frequently entered the "sleep freak cycle", which meant that early classes would be unproductive and undeniably detrimental to the G.P.A. (We've already talked about the origins of 'the cycle', so I'll move on.) Anyway...all that is to say that it seems I'm on a similar 'sleep freak cycle', but I'm not playing monopoly. I am, in a way, talking a sort-of practical theology, if you, like me, view the events of daily life as a journey with our LORD that should be talked (blogged) about and pondered because He is moving and working and teaching us on a very daily basis, no matter the time of day or night. So now that I've set the stage and occupied a few more minutes of my morning, I'll get to my real post.

I just finished watching what my brother calls "one of the top five best movies ever". Considering that it's only rated PG, I knew before I saw it that this had to be a pretty dang good movie, especially since my bro normally prefers a concoction of off-color humor involving heavy quantities of language and action-violence. National Treasure, though, is one of those movies that in the genre of Indiana Jones, thrills the spirit and has you trying to solve the clues along with the likes of Nicholas Cage and his entourage. It is a good movie but even better than the movie itself is what God brought to my mind in thinking about the film.

I won't blow the movie for you because I hate when people do that, but as the title hints, it is about a treasure that is yet to be discovered. In thinking about the concept of a treasure, I'd like you to consider some of the more frequent references to a treasure: it's normally buried and therefore implies that it must be found; 'X' definitely marks the spot; pirates are involved somehow (and most of my high school girls would say "hot pirates" talking about Johnny Depp in his fairly recent rendering of Pirates of the Carribean); it represents a vast fortune of gold that has been hidden through the ages; and it symbolizes the epitome of the limitless buying power (yes, even more than Puff Daddy and his American Express Black Card). So, where is the theological banter? Here is comes....

I know of THE treasure of centuries. Yes, you heard it here ladies and gentlemen...I have first hand knowledge of a treasure unlike any that Nicholas Cage and Harrison Ford have unearthed through their hollywood masks. This is the only treasure that is not buried, where 'X' never marks the spot, where there are no pirates and therefore no Johnny Depp (sorry girls), and the only treasure whose immeasurable value makes rooms full of gold and precious jewels seem like the plastic cup on my desk that houses a few hundred pennies. This treasure defies scholars and archaeologists alike because it cannot be 'found' and therefore cannot be touched or tested or measured on earthly scales. This treasure is THE treasure of the centuries!

The person of Jesus is not buried, but risen indeed--a living treasure! He cannot be unearthed and therefore there is no treasure map (unless you want to make the stretch that the Bible is our map that leads us to Jesus, which I kind of like but doesn't work in the post that I'm currently writing, so just forget I ever brought it up, okay?! hehe). Continuing on...there are no pirates to my knowledge :) and the value of Jesus is worth so much more than all of the gold and precious jewels of the world combined. And here is the best part: this treasure was not intended for you to find as if it were hidden, but rather to know and to experience on a daily basis. The treasure of the person of Jesus can be yours today through His Spirit. He is a treasure of unquantifiable value; even the finders of this treasure never begin to fully mine the depths of His mystery. This living treasure is one that we can know more of each and every day. His value and His presence is THE relationship that gives lives true value. It doesn't matter whether the finder dies of earthly poverty or, like Puff Daddy, has his very own American Express Black Card. Each of them has personally known and experienced THE treasure! Jesus is THE treasure! Like any good teacher, I'll say that one more time:

Jesus is THE treasure!
Have you found this treasure in your life? Do you think I'm full of it? If you do, I just offer you this challenge: seek Him. I dare you. Seek to discover who this Jesus, this living treasure is, and then tell me about your findings. Oh, and this is not an academic pursuit, but an active searching of your soul--the invitation for Christ to enter your life. The Scripture is clear:

Deuteronomy 4:29 "But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul."

Proverbs 8:17 "I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me."

Jeremiah 29:13 "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

Matthew 7:7 [ Ask, Seek, Knock ] "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."

Luke 11:9 "So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."

Acts 17:27 "God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us."

As for you, readers, may you not just find Him, but know Him and experience Him and live Him in your daily lives--this day and every day! Bless you!

Friday, May 06, 2005

His Mercies are New...

...every afternoon. :) After having a not-so-great night, today I'm excited. I just got to talk to my future employer and I love him. He is so great. I feel really cared about and appreciated by him, and he sounds really excited about me coming on the team and about more and more new projects that we'll get to work on together. That's just like God: in the midst of difficult night, to provide refreshment and nourishment in the morning (well...afternoon, but after a late night, this is my morning. hehe)! It's like he's saying, "I told you I am with you. You never believe me, but it's always true." He is so good to me!

Thank you, Father, for blessing me this early afternoon and thank your presence and provision in my life. And may you (the vast readership of my blog...HA!) find that to be true for you today: that He is intimately involved in all of the details of your day and that His presence with you is a noticeable reality. Bless you!

In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning...

I love Frank Sinatra and as I'm freakin' still awake that song came to mind. Too bad that song is about staying up thinking about a girl, which I'm not doing. I'm actually up and thinking about my LORD.

How God's love extends to me, I just don't know. Yet I'm so very grateful. In pondering the depth of my humanity and the vastness of my sin, I find myself clinging to the truth that in Him I have everything. And He is all I want! He is ALL I want!

Through a few tears tonight and a loss for words to express my gratefulness for the acceptance that He gives me so freely, I lay broken and wanting more of Him. It's sick though that in spite of my knowledge of His accepting me and loving me and wanting more of me that I desire so badly to be accepted and loved and wanted by a human other. God feels so far away sometimes...why is that?...yet His presence is real and I trust that He is ALWAYS with me.

May you, no matter what time of day or night, know that He accepts and loves and wants more of you. Why? I have absolutely no clue and that makes it that much more amazing!!

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Cinco de Mayo

The fact that today is the Mexican booz fiesta reminds me to think back about some of my fond memories of living in Mexico City for a summer while finishing my Spanish minor. I really miss the people that were part of my usual routine there, and thought I'd tell you all a little about them.

Jonathan was the guy I was living with. He was 27 at the time (about 5 years ago now) and was such a great guy. His mom had left for the summer to stay with his sister in Cancun and so it was just him and I, and his brother David, who was never really around.

Here was a typical day while I was in Mexico. I'd wake up at about 6:30. School didn't start 'til 8am but if I wanted a hot shower I had to wake up early. I'd wake up and put on a sweatshirt to climb up the outside staircase to the top floor where I'd have to light the water heater in order to get a hot shower. Then I'd run back down the metal, spiral staircase and hop back in bed for a half hour...at which time I'd reclimb the stairs and hop in the shower. The shower head came up to my shoulders so the whole showering experience was interesting. Plus the toilet is in the shower, so that was also interesting. Hey, at least they had a faucet, which didn't spray but dripped. I was grateful for the faucet! (When I went back to visit, hot showers weren't an option at all, and the faucet was broken so I spent my morning pouring buckets of cold water over my head. Wow, did that wake me up!) I'd get dressed and head down for breakfast.

Jonathan was so great. He'd make me breakfast, well...usually just bread and butter and coffee, which they put yogurt in. YUM! And some days he'd prepare me a lunch, which would consist mainly of a sandwich and a piece of fruit. Eventually I had the courage enough to tell him that I didn't want refried beans on my sandwich. (They use it like butter. Yes, you heard me right.) Anyway, then I'd be off to school. I'd walk down the street to a ton of yapping dogs, mostly strays. Actually, one of the neighbor dogs scared the crap out of me every single day. I'd always think, "If that thing ever jumped off the upstairs porch, it would definitely kill me and feast for a week." I'd wait at the corner for my minibus and I'd squeeze on, pay my peso and a half and get a ride to school (or close to it). When I say "squeeze on", I mean just that. My morning bus was always jammed with people. Normally I'd be standing in the doorway and leaning outside the bus, just holding on to the railings to keep from plummeting to my death. The really scary part would come when we'd be passing parked cars and I'd have to squeeze myself into the people in front of me in the doorway so that I didn't get crushed by the oh-so-dangerous parked vehicle. Weird, huh? I'd hop of the bus and walk 3 blocks to the church where we had class.

I loved class! I took theology and dance and music and my Spanish class mainly consisted of me going to the town square to talk to people. It was great. Actually I committed to share the gospel every time I was in that square, and I did. It was a wonderful experience!

School would end and some days I would head out to see "las ninas". "The girls", I know...this is extremely technical verbage here, were being raised in the care of World Vision, and they were being raised in a Christian upbringing. Most of them were wards of the state, as they had been picked up on the street and were not drug addicts or prostitutes, just lost and lonely kids that had nowhere to go. Most of the girls ran away from home due to being beaten or unwanted, and some were just there because their families couldn't afford to keep them alive. It was the highlight of my summer to spend time with them. We'd catch a cab and drive for a long time to see them, and then we'd walk and play basketball or they'd play music and make us dance and laugh at us, or we'd just sit and smile at each other. They were (are) so precious! I actually wear a ring in rememberance of those girls. I bought it one day when we went to the market with them. I pray for them regularly and love them very much.

Then I'd head home and we'd go play basketball for a while or just hang out. All the guys we'd play against would get mad that I was 6'4. Like I have any control of that, but it was fun to beat up on them a little bit. We'd stop for dinner after basketball, which was always late. My favorite place to eat was around the corner from our house and we'd sit on stools on the street and eat right outside this lady's house. She would make the best quesadillas ever! So yummy.

Then we'd head back to the house and watch a movie or just crash. It was so fun!

God really blessed me that summer in Mexico and taught me a lot about His heart for those less fortunate and His care for all of His children. I miss my friends in Mexico City very much and I'm thinking about them on this Cinco de Mayo.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

"Through Me"

In the midst of a crazy busy day, I love that I can slow down and ponder my LORD. In doing so, I thought I'd share one of my favorite paintings with you that I've been enjoying today. This breathtaking piece is by one of my favorite painters, Ain Vares. You can check him out and support his work through his site: http://www.ainvaresart.com


Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." John 14:6

May you enter his presence through him today. :)

Monday, May 02, 2005

What would YOU do for the big bux?

One of my best friends in the whole world informed me the other day that he wants to sell his body to science. I wanted to make some joke about how he has a lot of body to sell and so he should be able to make a pretty penny, but I swallowed my commentary and just listened for a while. When it comes down to it, my buddy wants to make some money so that he can afford a recording studio and pursue his dream as a singer/songwriter. Which brings me to this post: why does money play such a prominent role in our lives?

I used to be an optimist (and deep down I think I still am), thinking that there has to be a way to love ministry and serving God and still not be dirt poor. (I know that there are very few people in the U.S. that are truly dirt poor, but I think you know what I mean.) Why are people in ministry always broke? I mean, it's not like my buddy wants to make millions so he can buy nitrous for some hot new car he just bought, and flaunt his horsepower in the underground streetracing syndicate. He wants some dinero to pursue his dream. Is that too much to ask?

I hate that money has to be the limiting factor in this scenario. I mean, the talent is there. My friend is one of the most talented songwriters that I have ever heard. We'll be hanging out and he'll pick up his guitar and play something that he wrote that morning in the shower or something that he's been working on. And this is good stuff! The desire is there. He really wants to pursue music because he feels God has gifted him in this way for him to use his gifts for the benefit of the body of Christ. Sound biblical? I think so.... (Check out 1 Corinthians 12. We know that our spiritual gifts have been given for the edification of the body and to draw others to relationship with God.) The call is there. (I know, I know, I'm venturing into some "shaky ground" in the fact that if the call is there, then God will make it happen. And I really do believe that He will. However, I'm referring to the here-and-now of this specific situation and just wanting my friend to have an opportunity to get started on what he feels God is caling him to.) So what's not there? The bux.

Why should money limit the fact that my friend wants to put out a demo CD so that we can get it into the hands of someone that will give him an opportunity to use his giftedness for God's glory? I hate that people in ministry constantly struggle to pursue their dreams because of a lack significant bank. Why does it have to be like that? I just wish this wasn't an issue.

And yet, in reading the Scripture and in having seen people in third-world countries that experientially know a poverty that my friend and I will never know, I trust that God is sovereign over all. I'm not naive enough to think that we have it bad; I've seen people that live in mud huts and don't own shoes and walk for 50 miles over a two day period to sell trinkets that they've made only to receive the equivalent of a few dollars for their wares which keeps them and their family alive for the next month. I know we don't have it bad. But I do wish that money wasn't something that held us back from our dreams of how to serve God more fully. I know that in God's timing my friend will pursue his dream of being a songwriter. I really do believe that. And yet I'm stuck in this in-between of resonating with the frustrations of my friend being held back from pursuing his dreams in the here-and-now.

I don't have time to list all the Scripture that has been buzzing through my head while I write this post, but I will leave you with one. It comes from Luke chapter 6 verses 20-26:

Looking at his disciples, he [Jesus] said:
"Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God.
Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied.
Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh.
Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man.
"Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven.
For that is how their fathers treated the prophets.
"But woe to you who are rich, for you have already received your comfort.
Woe to you who are well fed now, for you will go hungry.
Woe to you who laugh now, for you will mourn and weep.
Woe to you when all men speak well of you, for that is how their fathers treated the false prophets.
(I know that Jesus was talking a lot more about the spiritual aspects of being poor in Spirit than about being financially poor, but that's just it, isn't it: God want us to to consider Him as what's most important. Knowing Him is what determines poor and rich, and the rest will happen according to His will and in His timing. I guess I just wish that my friend wasn't talking about selling his body to science in order to fulfill his dream of serving God through his music. I trust God for my financial future and for my friend's. I just wish that a few (thousand) bux wasn't the thing holding him back at this point in his life.)

What do you think about all this?