Forgiveness

So, I'm in my first hour of my 26th year on this earth, and I really felt like it was time to write about what God has been doing in my life. Sometimes in life it's very clear that God is trying to teach me something, and there's no question that this is one of those times.

I was talking to a friend of mine after playing poker with the boys the other night and on my way home from his house, God was teaching me something. I had an assignment that I was going to start to talk about with my counselor but I really felt led to talk about this new revelation from my LORD instead. God was so loud and so clear in those moments on my drive home, it's as if He was carefully placing the thoughts in my head and letting me know that they were from Him. And these thoughts center on the topic of forgiveness.

My buddy Josh is a musician and is usually the one to expose me to some new artist or something that he's been listening to. He's currently on a Robbie Seay Band kick, and the chorus of one of their songs goes like this:

Tasting forgiveness
Drinking of mercy
Feast on redemption
Tasting forgiveness

God has brought this song to my mind a lot over the past few days as I've been wrestling with the words He gave me in the car that night. I've been singing it, almost preparing myself for the transforming work that God is doing in my life.

Have you ever been hurt by someone--someone close to you--and you expect them to be the ones to come and make right on the situation? And when they do (if they do) they say something like, "I'm sorry for what happened...but...." It's like they're almost intentionally trying to make you mad about the very thing that hurt you initially by pointing out how your wrong even in the midst of their "apology". Well, needless to say, I've had some more interactions in 2005 when people that I've respected and looked up to and that "love" me have hurt me so badly. Not only have they hurt my feelings and bashed my ministry and crushed my spirit, but they think they're right and their apologies (for the one person that actually apologized at all) were not really apologies but more hurtful interactions that make me want to steer clear of that subject matter and that person all together. Well, the words God has been speaking to me is about forgiveness, I told you that. Specifically, God is calling me to forgive these people. He's calling ME to forgive THEM.

Ugh! I can't tell you how humbling an experience this has been for me over the past few days. Why would God ask me to forgive them? They're the ones that have hurt me! They're the ones that continue to selfishly push their agenda even in their "apologies" and end up hurting me even more. They've wronged me! What did I do wrong? ...and the answer comes: nothing. Absolutely nothing. I've done nothing wrong.

Sound familiar? My LORD was beaten beyond recognition, stabbed, had a crown of thorns rammed into His skull, He was mocked, He was rejected by men--even His disciples turned on Him, He was broken, He was hung on a cross as a criminal, and He was put to death for false accusations. What did He do wrong? ...and the answer comes: nothing. Absolutely nothing. My LORD did nothing wrong. And yet He forgave all. He forgave the soldiers who flogged Him, He forgave the thief on the cross next to Him, He forgave you and I who, with our sin, hung Him there. He has forgiven everyone and He did nothing wrong.

Deep at the heart of forgiveness is an utter selflessness. There is a humility and lowliness that the forgiver must have. And ultimately it doesn't come out of the merit of the person needing forgiveness. It comes freely out a depth of love for another. Jesus loved so much that He was willing to forgive the world for their sin and bear it all with His body and His blood, and He did nothing wrong. And yet I selfishly cling to my hurts and declare that I've been wronged and wait for these respected believers to seek me out to ask for my forgiveness! Oh LORD, please forgive my arrogance in the way that I long to be justified in the eyes of men. But you already have, haven't you Father? You already have forgiven me! Oh how I love you and praise you for your goodness. It is you alone that I give my heart and my life. Thank you for your forgiveness which comes to me daily as a result of Christ's work, once for all, on Calvary that we may ALL be justified in your name.

This reality sheds new light on Jesus' words regarding Matthew 18:21-35. (Make sure you click the link and read the passage!!!) Here Peter asks, "Lord, how many times shal I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" And Jesus replies by saying "seventy-seven" or "seventy times seven". He's saying that we are to forgive our brother and sister who sins against us EVERY TIME!! EVERY TIME!!! I hate that. I don't want to forgive them. I want them to want to be forgiven...and so does our LORD. He forgives us so freely and He wants us to want to be forgiven and yet so many of those that He's created in His image reject Him and ignore His love. He wants us to want to be forgiven and yet His forgiveness is not dependent on us in any way. It's just plain offered. He forgives because it's in His nature to love and forgive. I want that so badly. I want to know of that selfless love and be able to offer it at a moment’s notice. Yet my flesh clings to these hurts and demands retribution.

I’m now into the second hour of my 26th year on this earth and I’m so very grateful to my LORD. I’m grateful for the forgiveness that I’ve received which has nothing to do with my merit or my worthiness but has everything to do with Him. And I’m thankful for car rides home when the Spirit of God speaks to me in such clear ways. Now all I have to do is figure out how to release these people from the bonds that I’ve created for them. I want to love them and free them from the hurt they’ve brought in my life without any semblance of reckoning on their part…and without them even knowing that I’ve been carrying this for a long time. Would you pray for me, that God would do this mighty work in my life: helping me to release my brother and sister to the forgiving love that can only come by the work of Christ at Calvary and the power of His Holy Spirit that is within me. Wouldn’t that be a great way to start my 26th year? I covet your prayers.