Monday, August 13, 2007

Grace

So the beginning of my last post references a friend that I sent a letter to. The recipient of that letter was a certain Kathryn Taber, who will BE MY WIFE around this time in 2008!!! (Yes, I'm very excited. Yes, I'm going to be marrying the girl that I've dreamt about for many years. Yes, I'm a very lucky boy.) One of my favorite things about Kat is that she offers me a grace that I can rarely offer myself.

The excerpt from the letter that I wrote to Kat was originially written to her in one of our very first correspondences. It was an attempt at honesty. It was a risk. I'm still one of those who agrees with the 'age old adage', "Nothing ventured, nothing gained." But I don't want to talk about me. I want to talk about her. Her response is something I can only describe as transcendent. She read what I wrote and responded so wonderfully.

She said, "I hear you, BJ. I really appreciate that you know what you've been saved from."

She didn't respond with fear and trepidation wondering how deep my potholes really went. She released me to be free of what I was already free from. She allowed me to walk past the junk of life to experience forgiveness on this earth. She tangibly introduced me to grace.

Kat is not the first person that has ever extended me grace on this earth. She is, however, one of the first I've known to offer it freely to many. Kat took a major risk with me. She risked the possibility of being hurt by another guy...again. She didn't have to do that, but for Kat, that response isn't something that she has to try hard to do. It's who she is.

It reminds me of Jesus. Kat would be the first to stop me here, saying that she is in no way close enough to Jesus for me to write about...even on a nearly dead blog. But she would humor me...and so I continue. Jesus offers grace to those that despise him, to those that denounce his name--his very existence even. He offers life and freedom to people that may never know that they are already free to experience him directly, not living under any law revealing how they are commanded to obey him. What's best is that he offers you and I a daily grace that we can then extend to others with whom we may cross paths. This, and so much more, has drawn me to the woman who will be my future wife. This is grace and it's what BEING THE CHURCH is all about!

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Reflections from a Messy Christian #2

[Here's an excerpt from an email I sent a friend today. [The parentheses represent the only real additions to my original email.] I was curious to get more feedback about my thoughts here. To those reading, please let me know what you think!


I want to be honest with you about something. My road, though I have been a Christian for almost my entire life, has not been without many potholes, misdirections, and miscues. I'm assuming that doesn't come as a shock or surprise to you...as the world is messy [and so are those in it]. However, I just want to lay it out there from the beginning that I'm far from perfect. I've made many mistakes, all of which I wish I could get back...but I'm grateful to the Lord for pulling me through and for allowing me to learn from my journey and keep going. I know I'm not really in a spot to start confessing my life's woes to you, but I don't want to give any mixed messages. I'm a sinner...saved by grace...and reveling in my redemption as often as I can. My favorite Scripture is from 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." Now I know that Paul wasn't talking about sin when he was talking about boasting here...but I think the premise is still true...that in the spots that we are weak, we need to be vocal. We need to express that only Jesus can get us through--that on my own I'm useless and weak. But that's not the end of the story (thanks be to God). After all, His grace is sufficient. His power is made perfect in weakness. His power is made perfect when we get out of the way and let Him work! Why is it so easy for sin to continue to own people...even those made new in Christ? Because they're trying to beat it on their own instead of putting Christ on display in their lives! Right? [...and ultimately, even you if disagree with my thoughts here. What would it hurt to put Jesus on display? Could we end up making a mistake by being honest about who we are and our need for Christ to indwell us daily--even (and I would say ESPECIALLY) the grossest parts of who we are?]

I hope you don't think I'm nuts--just passionate about my Lord. I want to live for Him more than anything, yet I fall so short so often it seems. I hope this email doesn't freak you out. It is very much me...how I'm wired and how I think, so now you've seen more of my heart. What do you think?

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

A New Year

I'm lying here tired from my day with my mind spinning--as usual. It's a new year and I want to live this one better than the last and screw up less and honor God more. I guess I feel overwhelmed. I'm overwhelmed with desire to be a better person, a fuller man, a stronger Christian...and I feel the heaviness of not knowing where to start. I have so many flaws, so many hangups, so many sins (that so easily entangle) and it often feels like I have so little to offer. A new year but the same frustrations and struggles. I know I'm a new creation but I feel so very old.

Yet in the midst of my sobering thoughts, I find myself comforted that I am His. I have no more answers in this the start of 2007 than I had at the end of 2006, but I have my Lord...and He is enough for me. He doesn't feel like enough most days. He doesn't feel present in my struggles and frustrations very often. But I do trust that He is enough.

I'm wondering if I'm alone in feeling like this and wanting to snap out of it and put some crafty spin on this that's motivating and captivating and...and yeah, you get it. I'm actually trying to find expressive words to make this sound better than it really is. :::smiles::: I'm a redeemed wretch, but I am His.

:::teary eyed::: I'm very thankful.