Random Rants

True Being

2009-03-24T12:30:00.002-05:00

True Being

To uncover true being
is to see through the BEASTLY

see through the thick mane,
the keen eyes,
the sharp teeth,
the destructive force

with wounds inflicted and wounds received.

To uncover true being
is to see the lion as she really is

as a kitty who loves to cuddle.

A New Year -- An Old Truth

2008-02-12T00:58:00.000-06:00

I wanted to post the prayer letter that I wrote for our ministry last month:

For Outside the Box, a new year brings with it many new plans, new projects, and a renewed passion to see students drawn to the hope found only in Jesus Christ. One old truth is at the forefront of my mind in this new year. From Matthew 9, “37Then he [Jesus] said to his disciples, ‘The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. 38Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.’” As workers in the field, we at Outside the Box confront the vast harvest on a daily basis. Each event in each new year brings with it the reality that there are hundreds of thousands of youth that still need to be exposed to the life-changing power of the gospel of Christ. The harvest is extremely plentiful. Would you consider beginning 2008 in prayer for how you will partner with us in our work of cultivating and reaping the vast harvest? We depend on your financial support and prayer to continue the Lord’s work. THANK YOU!

Our 2008 calendar is filling up quickly. Please keep us in mind over the next months of ministry:

Feb 22-23 Dare 2 Share Ministries Survive Tour, City #5 Lincoln, NE
Feb 29-Mar 1 Dare 2 Share Ministries Survive Tour, City #6 Phoenix, AZ
March 7-8 Dare 2 Share Ministries Survive Tour, City #7 Atlanta, GA
March 9 Pure By Choice Pure By Choice 2008 Denver, CO
Mar 14-15 Dare 2 Share Ministries Survive Tour, City #8 Seattle, WA
Mar 19-23 NYI: AZ, So. NV District Xtrav 2008 Flagstaff, AZ
April 5 Club Live Club Live 2008 Fairborn, OH
April 11-12 Dare 2 Share Ministries Survive Tour, City #9 Chicago, IL
April 12 Catholic Men’s Event Put Out Into the Deep Detroit, MI
Apr 29-May 1 NNYM YMEC Washington, D.C.
May 15-17 Urban Youth Workers UYWI08 Los Angeles, CA
May 25 Paradise Paradise08 LaCygne, KS
Jun 29-Jul 1 Christ for Native Youth Trail of Hope Durango, CO
Jun 29-July 2 JAMA New Awakening 08 Philadelphia, PA
July 2-5 Church of the Nazarene FUEL, City #1 Nampa, ID
July 3-7 Ron Hutchcraft Ministries WLS 2008 Roach, MO
July 10-12 Church of the Nazarene FUEL, City #2 Pasadena, CA
July 17-19 Church of the Nazarene FUEL, City #3 Toronto, CAN
July 24-26 Church of the Nazarene FUEL, City #4 Orlando, FL
Jul 30-Aug 3 Church of the Nazarene FUEL, City #5 Vancouver, CAN

As you can see, 2008 will be extremely full of life and ministry. We depend on you. Please consider who from ‘your world’ needs to join Outside the Box as a partner in ministry in 2008.

A Countdown Clock is now available for sale from Outside the Box!
We've developed a unique computer software program to help events and churches keep their program segments on schedule. Controlled from your laptop, the software displays a large countdown clock, moving down to 00:00, so that everyone on stage knows exactly how much time is left within their segment. It also offers the ability to send word messages. This great programming tool is now available for $35. All proceeds go to support our ministry. Spread the word! Here is a link for more information: http://www.otbm.org/countdown.html.

BJ
Ministry Developer
Outside the Box Ministries, Inc.
bj@otbm.org

Thank you again for your continued support and encouragement of Outside the Box Ministries. May 2008 be an amazing year of reaping the vast harvest.

Grace

2007-08-13T20:58:00.000-05:00

So the beginning of my last post references a friend that I sent a letter to. The recipient of that letter was a certain Kathryn Taber, who will BE MY WIFE around this time in 2008!!! (Yes, I'm very excited. Yes, I'm going to be marrying the girl that I've dreamt about for many years. Yes, I'm a very lucky boy.) One of my favorite things about Kat is that she offers me a grace that I can rarely offer myself.

The excerpt from the letter that I wrote to Kat was originially written to her in one of our very first correspondences. It was an attempt at honesty. It was a risk. I'm still one of those who agrees with the 'age old adage', "Nothing ventured, nothing gained." But I don't want to talk about me. I want to talk about her. Her response is something I can only describe as transcendent. She read what I wrote and responded so wonderfully.

She said, "I hear you, BJ. I really appreciate that you know what you've been saved from."

She didn't respond with fear and trepidation wondering how deep my potholes really went. She released me to be free of what I was already free from. She allowed me to walk past the junk of life to experience forgiveness on this earth. She tangibly introduced me to grace.

Kat is not the first person that has ever extended me grace on this earth. She is, however, one of the first I've known to offer it freely to many. Kat took a major risk with me. She risked the possibility of being hurt by another guy...again. She didn't have to do that, but for Kat, that response isn't something that she has to try hard to do. It's who she is.

It reminds me of Jesus. Kat would be the first to stop me here, saying that she is in no way close enough to Jesus for me to write about...even on a nearly dead blog. But she would humor me...and so I continue. Jesus offers grace to those that despise him, to those that denounce his name--his very existence even. He offers life and freedom to people that may never know that they are already free to experience him directly, not living under any law revealing how they are commanded to obey him. What's best is that he offers you and I a daily grace that we can then extend to others with whom we may cross paths. This, and so much more, has drawn me to the woman who will be my future wife. This is grace and it's what BEING THE CHURCH is all about!

Reflections from a Messy Christian #2

2007-02-06T23:35:00.000-06:00

[Here's an excerpt from an email I sent a friend today. [The parentheses represent the only real additions to my original email.] I was curious to get more feedback about my thoughts here. To those reading, please let me know what you think!

I want to be honest with you about something. My road, though I have been a Christian for almost my entire life, has not been without many potholes, misdirections, and miscues. I'm assuming that doesn't come as a shock or surprise to you...as the world is messy [and so are those in it]. However, I just want to lay it out there from the beginning that I'm far from perfect. I've made many mistakes, all of which I wish I could get back...but I'm grateful to the Lord for pulling me through and for allowing me to learn from my journey and keep going. I know I'm not really in a spot to start confessing my life's woes to you, but I don't want to give any mixed messages. I'm a sinner...saved by grace...and reveling in my redemption as often as I can. My favorite Scripture is from 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." Now I know that Paul wasn't talking about sin when he was talking about boasting here...but I think the premise is still true...that in the spots that we are weak, we need to be vocal. We need to express that only Jesus can get us through--that on my own I'm useless and weak. But that's not the end of the story (thanks be to God). After all, His grace is sufficient. His power is made perfect in weakness. His power is made perfect when we get out of the way and let Him work! Why is it so easy for sin to continue to own people...even those made new in Christ? Because they're trying to beat it on their own instead of putting Christ on display in their lives! Right? [...and ultimately, even you if disagree with my thoughts here. What would it hurt to put Jesus on display? Could we end up making a mistake by being honest about who we are and our need for Christ to indwell us daily--even (and I would say ESPECIALLY) the grossest parts of who we are?]

I hope you don't think I'm nuts--just passionate about my Lord. I want to live for Him more than anything, yet I fall so short so often it seems. I hope this email doesn't freak you out. It is very much me...how I'm wired and how I think, so now you've seen more of my heart. What do you think?

A New Year

2007-01-03T02:51:00.000-06:00

I'm lying here tired from my day with my mind spinning--as usual. It's a new year and I want to live this one better than the last and screw up less and honor God more. I guess I feel overwhelmed. I'm overwhelmed with desire to be a better person, a fuller man, a stronger Christian...and I feel the heaviness of not knowing where to start. I have so many flaws, so many hangups, so many sins (that so easily entangle) and it often feels like I have so little to offer. A new year but the same frustrations and struggles. I know I'm a new creation but I feel so very old.

Yet in the midst of my sobering thoughts, I find myself comforted that I am His. I have no more answers in this the start of 2007 than I had at the end of 2006, but I have my Lord...and He is enough for me. He doesn't feel like enough most days. He doesn't feel present in my struggles and frustrations very often. But I do trust that He is enough.

I'm wondering if I'm alone in feeling like this and wanting to snap out of it and put some crafty spin on this that's motivating and captivating and...and yeah, you get it. I'm actually trying to find expressive words to make this sound better than it really is. :::smiles::: I'm a redeemed wretch, but I am His.

:::teary eyed::: I'm very thankful.

Reflections from a Messy Christian

2006-12-21T03:52:00.000-06:00

If I was going to write a book, this would be the title--Reflections from a Messy Christian. It's amazing to me that so many believers pretend to have it all together--all sorted out and tied up in a pretty bow. So many put on a happy face for Sunday morning, and their snazzy clothes, and they talk the usual Christianese...all the while hiding from what they're really feeling or wishing they could say or tell someone about. Why do so many messy Christians pretend to be all put-together?

I wish I had happy thoughts about church and how it helps people. Right now I don't. I've seen so many times that the church shuns the messy people--they're not welcome. They're asked to leave or change or are not allowed to step foot inside a place that is supposed to love and care about people. Jesus said, "Love one another as I have loved you." How many people did Jesus shun or turn away? How many people didn't feel good enough to be near Him or not welcome around Him? NONE. Jesus surrounded Himself with a motley crew of guys who were basically nobodys by the worlds standards. These men, He would later call His disciples. Jesus welcomed tax collectors and prostitues--those shunned by the wold but important to Him. He welcomed children, whose presence was seen as a bother or burden--even to His disciples. To me, Jesus' mandate to love as He loved is clear. We need to follow His lead and love the messy people.

I wish that church could be the safest place on earth for messy people to be. It's just not. As a result, many people are not welcome and many more become pretenders...just to be able to fit into the shiny environment that they so long to be a part of. Me? I've pretended for a long time...but long for a place where I can be me and come with all my issues--big and small--to a place that draws out healing and life and the Spirit of the Living God in one another. I don't want to be a part of a shiny church, I want to be part of a community that is real and raw and life-giving. The early church was a place where people were drawn--it was a contagious place. Today's church is a place where the messy people know that they're not welcome so they don't even try to go, and even more play the pretend game to try to find comfort in a place where they are never really known. I'm not a cynic--I long for revival and life in the church and I believe it is possible. But it is possible only if we're willing to confront our weaknesses and stop pretending to be all put-together. We have to acknowledge that we are messy believers who don't have it all figured out, and we have to have that modeled from the leadership of our churches. Brokeness and humility and weakness are not signs of a bad Christian or a bad leader, they're signs of a real Christian--a real leader. So what are we afraid of?

I don't know about you, but I'm drawn to the idea of messy Christians openly acknowledging their messiness and their need for their Savior. That's me, as best I can describe myself: a messy Christian who is daily in desperate need of his Savior.

Trust Me

2006-12-05T00:32:00.000-06:00

So I was talking to a friend of mine today and she has a major trust issue. It's like she wants to know for certain that no one is taking advantage of her and that she's not getting duped or being lied to like so many of her friends. She's wanting to avoid being that naive "Oh I just trust him" kind of girl, yet is fighting the very nature of trust...faith.

I was trying to explain my perspective by talking about God. Have you ever heard someone ask, "Well if God wanted me to believe in Him, then how come He doesn't make it obvious that He's real? I mean, if He's real, why doesn't he just prove it?" I smile when someone says that first because it shows a WANT to believe. Yet, the nature of God will not ever be to prove Himself. He wants us to believe and therefore give him glory through our belief...because it is not out of proof but out of faith that we desire to know and love and live for Him. Faith is not "proveable" or it would not be faith. 2 + 2 = 4 is not readily questioned, but the only way that I can say God is, was, and will be is not because it is 2 + 2 = 4. It's because I believe Him at His Word. That's faith. That's trust.

So back to talking about everyday human trust.... What is it in our nature that makes us want proof that we're not being duped? Why is the risk of trust so difficult to rest in? Why can't issues like faith and trust come easy for us? What's the hang up? Why when I say "trust me" is the risk so great for the trust-er?

I think for me the reason that I'm okay with trusting and possibly being duped is because I want to take people at their word. I want to want to trust them. I want to call out the sacred within them and allow myself to believe that what they're telling me is true and honest. Granted, trusting a human is a LOT different than trusting God at His Word, becuase God never fails! I am sure to screw up a lot and to fail even the people I love the most. But God is never that way. So when God says "Trust Me", is it just my pride that keeps me from relinquishing the guise of control that I have on my life to see if what He has is really better? What do you think?

Love

2006-06-20T18:09:00.000-05:00

Most of my posts here are about God or my journey with the Lord and if you just looked at the title here, you might think that this will be another. Although I'm not asking those of you who share my spiritual convictions to withhold your comments due to the lense through which you see the world (something I should write a post on sometime), I'm not intentionally writing this about God, even though most 6-year olds in Sunday school could tell you "God IS love". I'm just writing this about my most recent romantic episodes.

"It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." What do you think of this quote? I'll agree that romantic love is something that everyone deserves to experience in their life at some point, but the losing part is not something that I would wish on anyone. It is soooo hard. After a little over a year, I've broken up with a girl that I love...not because we had a falling out or something horrible happened, just because we felt that was the best decision for us at this point. I hate the losing part of loving. Is anyone else with me?

The Calm After the Storm

2006-05-31T02:40:00.000-05:00

I thought I'd share my most recent support letter with you. I know this isn't riveting material but it will give you a little taste of my life and ministry! Let me know what you think, and if any of you would like to receive my support letter, please let me know.

It’s hard to believe that over one month ago, the 2005-2006 Dare 2 Share tour came to a close. It is so amazing to partner with other Christian youth organizations, like D2S, and see the world impacted with the glory of God--one high schooler and junior higher at a time. We not only experience changed lives right before our eyes, but we also have the assurance that the message of Jesus that almost 50,000 students heard this year at Dare 2 Share alone, continues to make an impact long after the conferences have ended. It’s amazing to watch high school and junior high students catch the vision and allow God to use them to lead the way in revolutionizing this world for Christ. I love it!

I finished our year with a couple crazy months of travel. I found myself experiencing many of those not-so-joyous days spent trapped in the airport as a “frequent flier” instead of in the air where I wanted to be. It has been a whirlwind, but I’m happy to be home now for another month or so before our next event. In this period of time spent back on the home-front, a few major events take place: I turn 27 years old (yikes!), my baby sister graduates high school with honors (and I get to be there to cheer her on), and I become a homeowner (I bought a condo in Frankfort, IL and close on May 25th). By the time you’re reading this, all of these things will already be true…I can hardly believe it. But I am very excited…and nervous, if I’m honest. I’m coming to a place where I don’t know how all the bills will get paid or whether or not I’m going to starve or just gorge myself on junk food, where my old age is making its mark through the gray in my hair and the blur in my eyesight, and where I can no longer promise my dad that no boys will hurt my baby sister (because of a fear of the wrath of her older brothers who know where they live—hehe). However, I do know that I can’t wait to see what the Lord has for me just around the corner. I covet your prayers.

Work is wonderful! I really believe that the work that we do is so extremely important and I absolutely love doing it. I can’t tell you enough how much your love and support (both through prayer and pocketbook) is so appreciated. You truly are members of our team! And though your name isn’t on the side of our new letterhead, you are on our team, and you are impacting the lives of thousands of teenagers as a result of your ministry with and to us. I hope that each of you will do your best to meet us on the road somewhere and get a taste of how we see God move on a daily basis through our events. If you ever want to come and catch up with me, or want to bring students, or want to volunteer with us, please let me know. I would love to see you and to have you physically experience the ministry that you’re so very much a part of.

Besides all of my onsite responsibilities this year which have included being a stage manager for Dare 2 Share, creating and managing all visual graphics for Stuck in the Middle (an all junior high event held this year in Kansas City), being a one-man production team at all of the Dare 2 Share preview events, etc., I’ve also been working on a lot of behind-the-scenes work for Outside the Box (OtB). One of the roles I fall into is a support raiser for our organization. Along with Rolly, my boss, I get the privilege of raising support on behalf of a non-profit organization that I believe in so strongly. We are currently in the process of making these support letters e-friendly. So, for those of you who live on email and might want to get this letter in email form (and help us save money in postage), please email me and let me know. Don’t worry, if you prefer the traditional method of getting this in the mail and putting it on your fridge as a prayer reminder for those of us at Outside the Box, I will happily continue to send you a hard copy. I just want to extend you the option in attempt to stay current and hip (something we will always face, as we keep getting older, and our primary audience, teenagers, always seem to stay the same age). :) So let me know which you prefer.

We have a couple other wonderful opportunities to be part of this summer. We are working on both DCLA, a Youth Specialties evangelism-training event for high schoolers, and New Awakening, a collegiate growth conference sponsored by JAMA. These two events, which happen on the same dates and in the same cities this summer, will force us to be flexible and trust God in order to make it through. While we might, at times, be a little unsure how we’re going to survive these two grueling weeks, we are all anxiously anticipating the struggle and watching how God will show up in amazing ways. Pray for us over the weeks of July 1-4 in Washington, D.C. and August 8-11 in Anaheim, California. God continues to grow us as we work for his glory, and we continue to see the lives of teenagers impacted with the message of the gospel. Thank you for your partnership in this important ministry. Remember, you are a valuable part of our team! There is absolutely no way that we could complete the work God has given us without you! Thank you so much!

Teaming with you for His glory!

BJ
Event Production Assistant
Outside the Box Ministries
www.otbm.org

What do you think?

2006-05-25T02:21:00.000-05:00

I know, I know...I haven't written in forever. I don't know why I'm even bothering to act like someone else is reading this. I don't know how that would happen due to my severely unkept blog. (Down with the author!) Anyway, I have been thinking about this and just want to get it out. If anyone's reading, let me know what you think.

I went to Wheaton College and during that time I had one guy who was really my best friend. He was a freshman on my floor when I was a sophomore. He again was on my floor when I was an RA as a junior, and our senior year we lived together in an apartment with two other guys. When I graduated, he took a year off of school to work and catch his breath and again we lived together. We did everything together! He was truly my best friend. Not all of our endeavors were smart...we screwed up our fair share of times, but we were together--there for each other to the very end. After his year break, he decided to move back home and so did I, due to my lack of a roommate. Fast forward to today....

It is now 4 years later. Since my friend moved home, I've probably called him 100 times and left over 50 messages. (I honestly have no idea of the exact numbers, but they feel astronomical.) I've never heard from him. Never. Not, "Hey I'm busy." Not, "Please don't contact me." Not, "Leave me alone." NOTHING! And so the question that is burning inside me...WHY????

I honestly cannot describe to you how this whole scenario makes me feel. Over the past four years, there have been irreversible events that I don't understand: my uncle dying of cancer, my brother's best friend dying in a motorcycle accident, a good friend of mine, an expecting father and husband, dying in a tragic motorcycle accident--horrible things that I don't understand. However, I trust that God is in control of those things and I can learn to accept them. My current status with my best friend, however, I just cannot accept. This statement is not a statement about God (I don't think), but rather an absolute cry for an answer to why things are the way they are with my buddy.

So I ask you: what do you think? I'm hurt so badly by this broken relationship that I'm even surprised by it. I feel like there is a part of my life that has a gaping hole in it, and I search desperately for an answer. I've been hurt and angry and upset over all of this, but now...after YEARS...when I think about it yet again, I just plain miss my friend.

I don't know how else to say it.

Fresh Starts

2005-08-25T01:08:00.000-05:00

Why is it that though God's mercies are new every morning we spend many mornings (days, nights, you fill in the blank) beating ourselves up about bad choices, lost opportunities, and life that we thought would go differently?

I spent the night tonight with my brother, after of course doing a little work and running errands with my dear friend. (I had to put in the work line just in case my boss ever reads my blog. hehe) One year ago yesterday, August 24th, my brother's best friend died in a motorcycle accident. I spent the night at his deceased friend's mom's house with my brother--my best friend. My brother would be the first to tell you that he hasn't had a morning in the past year that he didn't wake up feeling pain from the loss of his best friend. And yet, God's mercies are new every morning, right? Hmmm....

Don't read this to think that I've jumped off the deep end into a wave of cynicism and criticism that questions the very faith in which I've placed my life and my hope and my family. Do know that I trust God at His Word in a very serious way. I'm just merely asking questions about the human condition and life in general. Okay?

I mentioned in my last post, which was a while ago...(again sorry I haven't been keeping up all that well), that I've been thinking a lot about fresh starts. And I guess, today, I wish that my brother could have one. And he would wish (and I do too) that his best friend could have one.

So as I lay here with my laptop, I guess I'm stuck pondering the meaning of a fresh start. The "start" part is easy, it's a beginning. "Fresh" on the other hand isn't so easy. Fresh starts definitely are not fresh as in new. My brother will never get a new start at life. He will never start over and try again. He will never get the opportunity to be with his best friend again. This is no do-over. So if fresh isn't new, then what is it? I guess a fresh start might better be defined as a different start. A different beginning. Thought it isn't new as in do-over, it is different.

So can I hope for a fresh start for my brother? Yes. I can hope that he can have a different start every morning that he wakes up and faces the option to take another run at life or to give up and give in. I pray for that fresh start for him tomorrow as the reality of his loss weighs more than a Mack truck on his shoulders. As he sleeps now, not ten feet from me, I know that his waking day tomorrow will be his toughest day yet. So yes, I pray for a fresh start tomorrow. Please pray that with me.

As for me, my fresh start has found footing in a new job, which I'm very excited about (except for the fact that I'm often distant from those people that I love...like my brother).

And I pray for you, that no matter what poor choices you've made, no matter how you've missed an opportunity today or yesterday, no matter how life has thrown you the fiercest curveball you've ever faced, that you would find the strength of your fresh start in the person of Jesus who "makes all things new". Now that is truly the freshest of starts, wouldn't you say?!

Long Time No Talk

2005-08-04T00:08:00.000-05:00

So for all of you who have written me emails and nice notes and even scared emails thinking that I was dead or severely depressed, I thank you. I never imagined that if I accidentally fell off the planet for a month that so many people would...well...miss my writing. I don't write that comment as a depressed man, I just honestly am humbled and moved by your care and warm comments. I, too, have missed you.

So where have I been? Well, a lot has been going on with me. I have finished up my role as youth director at my church and have officially begun my new job working for a ministry that comes alongside organizations that use large youth conferences as their medium to impact students. My boss is an event producer and we manage and produce many different projects and events around the country for many different organizations. I've been in Ft. Collins, Colorado this week working on a conference of 2500 Free Methodist students at a conference called IYC. And I'm headed up to the mountains next week for a video shoot for an organization called Dare2Share.

So things are crazy. I played piano in my cousins wedding before I came here to Colorado. That was in Michigan (and remember I'm from Chicago). She is a suburban Chicago girl and married a cowboy. Talk about a clash of cultures! Their reception was quite comical, but very beautiful and so fun! I love Stacy (my cousin) and Zac (the new addition to the fam) so very much! And since I'll be in Denver a lot for my new job, I'll still get to see them a lot, which I'm just a little excited about! hehe :)

Before that I was home for a week but spent the week walking the new youth director through his brand new (and quite overwhelming) position. He's a great guy and will do so well with the ministry. I just know he's feeling quite overwhelmed and scared about all the details and so little time.

The week before that I was at summer camp with my students in the North Woods of Wisconsin at a camp called Silver Birch Ranch. We were the worship team there at SBR and it was a great way to end my time at my church--with students and the new youth director, helping him meet students and talking him through many things. It was also great to catch up with dear friends at the camp (which I have been going to since I was 5). So, I will miss them greatly!

All that to say, I've been a little busy. Not dead, not in a depth of depression, just busy and feeling torn in so many directions. I wish that you could jump into my world a little bit and see all the things that are going on and be excited with me, and when I get another chance (and don't worry it will be soon), I will share some of those excitements with you. For now, though, this will have to do.

I'm not sure if I have any readers left, but for those of you who are still around, I will be back to my usual rants once I establish a bit of a schedule in my new job. It's difficult finding blog time when I'm on so many events and typically work 15-20 hours a day. That would sould like a lot, but I love it. It's amazing to see so many students get impacted in powerful ways. I love seeing the effects of changed lives and fresh starts. Fresh starts.... That may just be the title of my next post. I feel like I need one. Do you?

Bless you all!

Acting

2005-06-27T14:08:00.000-05:00

I'm so sorry that I've been so bad at blogging lately. I'm not neglecting any of you purposefully, I've just been very busy lately. It has been good to feel missed, however, and I sincerely appreciate all of your encouragement, support, and prayers. May God bless you richly for the ways you've blessed me. Now onto my post....

I was in Denver for a few days this last week as a paid actor. Part of my new job, which begins August 1st, involves me being a part of the drama team for the Dare2Share student evangelism conferences which are being held all over the country. God blessed me with the opportunity to find myself being able to do some creative work (drama) as well as the technical, program-driven work that I'll be doing for the Christian production company I'll be working for. He is soo good to me! Anyway...all this acting has forced me to think about a few things. What is acting?

Well, acting is the art of becoming someone who you are not. It's the fine art of pretending (and to think I'll get paid for this. hehe). So I pretend to be a character, I attempt to think like he'd think and talk like he'd talk, being as genuinely him as possible...as if I were actually him. Acting is not real--ever.

So why are you and I such good actors? I'm not at all implying that you should be on the drama team with me for Dare2Share; I am implying that we all act in our lives. We want to come across as people that are liked and respected. We want to please those around us in a way that communicates love and care. We want people to think we look cute or are funny or successful or cheerful all the time. And often we act like we are...like those things are true...but we're acting--pretending. So what happens when life throws you such a curveball that no amount of acting could ever get you through? What happens when real life comes at you with such force that you are caught reeling backward wishing it was a role you were being asked to perform, but all the while facing the reality that it is your life? How do you feel in those moments? What do you do?

If you're anything like me when things like that happen, you don't sleep, your stomach hurts, you can't stop thinking about the issue at hand, you get angry and depressed, you feel hurt and betrayed by God, you want to curl up and die and hope no one else notices. Have you been there? In the role I play in the main drama for this conference I play a really messed up individual--an angry drunk who is explosively evil. It's a role that I play. What happens though when life makes me feel like that exposive individual where I want to just run and run and run and hope that when I get to wherever it is that I'm going that things will be "all better"?

Are you reeling from the crap of life, just wishing that you could act your way through it but faced with the reality that this is not going away? Are you acting your way through your existence, hoping that no one will realize that you're pretending, hoping that they'll be impressed with your pseudo-you?

I pray that we will be drawn out of the pretend, knowing that as bad as it can get, as lonely as we can be, as hopeless as we may feel, God is good, we are not alone and hope exists in the name of Jesus. Bless you!

The Nature of Man

2005-06-17T17:08:00.000-05:00

At the very core of our nature, are we good or sinful?

Who cares? Why do we need to know that? Well…I think it makes a big difference in our perspective on life. For example…if we assert that all people are sinful by nature, then in effect we are saying that we are justified by living sinfully because that is our nature. If that were true, why then would Christ have had to come to Earth? Moreover, why would we want to accept Christ thereby living contrary to the sinful nature within us? However, if we assert that we are good by nature yet sinful in nature, then we see the importance of the salvific work of Christ. It actually would make more sense if we said we are good by nature and sinful in our humanness. I think it is correct to make the claim that we only have one nature within us. We were created in the image of God, we just don’t always live like that—and some people don’t ever accept that reality. Christ came to “save us” from sin and purposeless living and to help us reclaim the nature that God gave to humans when he began with Adam so long ago. Do you believe this? I mean, I know it's hard to believe when we often live so contrary to this reality, but I cling to this reality as it gives me a new outlook on life.

Jesus' grace still amazes me. It’s hard for me to grasp that Jesus came to Earth as a man, died for my sins, and rose from the dead for the sole purpose of glorifying His Father, thus giving me the ability to be re-identified with God ‘in’ my nature. Yes, I am sinful in my nature—God help me, I am sinful. However, I know that I am identified with Christ and that as a result of his salvific work on the cross, I am purified, I am a child of God, I am loved, I am holy and blameless in his sight, I am predestined, and on and on (Ephesians 1:3-9 and 1 John 3:1-3). When God looks at me, he doesn’t see me; he sees Jesus! I no longer have to be identified with sin or bound by it. Rather, I am alive with Christ and free from my bondage, and all through the person Jesus Christ and the sacrifice he made for me. Thanks be to God! Jesus is the restorer of my connection with the Creator, the God of my forefathers. What an incredible act of grace it was for God to send Jesus for me, perhaps the worst of sinners, AND FOR YOU, and He did it all because He loves us. Wow! Thank you, Father, for giving up your only Son that I might have life and the opportunity to know you in a real way. For that I am forever grateful! May you be drawn more fully today to the re-identification that you have with your Lord through Jesus' sacrifice for you.

The Lap of My Savior

2005-06-14T14:50:00.000-05:00

Here is a picture that is one of my all-time favorites. Like a child on his father's lap, so are we in our relationship with our Lord. There are so many things that vie for our attention and yet developing a depth of relationship with God is the most fulfilling pursuit that one could undertake. I love this picture because I can just imagine this little guy making Jesus his climbing wall and fighting so hard to get up onto His lap. When he finally makes, there is a deep sense of home that can be felt, a real love that doesn't mind trading exchanged words with felt presence. Oh to sit on the lap of my Savior and feel the warmth of His embrace, the fullness of His care, and the depth of His love. This picture came from the web somewhere, and it has inspired me (and many of my friends--especially Sue) to just sit with Jesus.

May you find yourself this day drawn more fully to the lap of your Savior where you can just sit and rest and enjoy Him.

Rules and Regs: the Good, the Bad, the Community

2005-06-09T20:14:00.000-05:00

Are there any situations in which other people or institutions (e.g., schools, governments, youth groups) have a right to tell YOU what to do (with YOUR body or YOUR actions)?

Hmm…. Many different situations arise where an individual is faced with a choice to either follow the “mandates” of an institution or not to follow them and to suffer the consequences. Take Wheaton College, for example…. Students and faculty that are a part of that college have signed a pledge stating that they will not drink or smoke. In any case, the institution, Wheaton College, is setting a boundary that students and faculty members can choose to uphold or choose to break. They have the choice to become part of the college, and abide by the rules, or they have the choice to go elsewhere. In this case, the institution is, in essence, telling students and faculty what to do with their choices about drinking and smoking; the college is “regulating” what they can and cannot do with their bodies.

Consider another question: When do the rights of the individual have to conform to the mandates of the institution? More specifically for us, could church authority go too far in exerting its “power” over the members of its body? Can the leadership of your church (or mine) expect its members to follow every “rule” that is configured? (And what did Jesus say about the legalists and lawmakers anyway.) But without even going into that argument, don't individual lay people have “rights” too, right? Whose rights take priority? George Bernard Shaw raises a great question,

"Do a smoker and non-smoker have the same rights on
the same railway car?"

Quite obviously the answer to that question has to be no. Both of the people on the train will not be completely appeased by either of the choices that could be made. However, a choice will be made. Therefore, the question remains: who has the right rights: leadership or its members?

I don’t think there are right and wrong rights, but I do feel like certain rights take precedence. Let me explain…. I feel that the church has the right to tell a person what to do with his/her body as long as biblical precepts are followed. As long as the guidelines given by the institution are biblical (or at least not contrary to the Bible), and as long as the members of the institution have the ability to decide whether or not they want to be part of the institution (biblical rules and all), then, in my opinion, the institution has the right to “tell them what to do”. Ultimately, this is a goofy issue because even the institution cannot force its members to follow the rules. The institution, whether it be a church, or college, or youth group, or whatever would just have the responsibility to follow through on the consequences of not adhering to the guidelines of the community.

In dealing with a community, we have to ask: will my actions hurt anyone else? In community, we have to consider those around us when we make our decisions; we have to consider whether or not we value our congregation and its members. If we do, then we will be careful to follow the guidelines so as not to offend anyone, and yet there is a freedom to live life and allow the Spirit to lead isn't there? So what does the balance look like? I guess I think some regulative forces are okay because in the end we do have a choice of which youth group to attend and which colleges to enroll in. So, if the institution in question has declared a certain boundary on a certain issue regarding what we can or cannot do (with or bodies or in general), then I do feel we have the responsibility to conform to the boundary or to find a different community that better fits our liking.

So, what about you? Where do you fall in all of this? I think it's funny that I'm writing all about the benefits of some regulatory practices when it comes to community because I've frequently been on the stifled side of that. It seem like I have often been the guy that has been reprimanded for making decisions according to the Spirit of God regarding with whom or where I've felt free to hang out. I do really want to believe, though, that the people that were making my life hell in some of those instances were really trying to preserve a safe and godly community. But then I have to ask if that really is their job.... I mean, don't the members of the body have the opportunity to listen to the Spirit as He speaks to them? I really don't know what I think on this. So what do you think? How do you feel abou the regulations that are placed on you as a member of your "institution"? What are some of the “mandates”, “rules”, or “guidelines” that are difficult for you to accept and what do you do about it? …and finally, the question everyone wants answered: “Is it worth it?” Thanks for listening. Bless you!

The Weight of Glory

2005-06-06T01:11:00.000-05:00

This wonderful book by C.S. Lewis is a lot to digest! Have you read it? You must! I need to keep rereading it. Before I get into talking a bit about it, I want to ask you a question that will help to get you thinking about this marvelous book: what is your definition of glory? How would you explain God's glory, for example?

Lewis defines glory as fame. This definition particularly grabbed my attention. Much like the original response that Lewis had in his preliminary interpretation, I thought 'glory' to be a convoluted concept. I mean, what is it? It's difficult for me to wrap my arms around it and 'call it like it is'. On my first read, when Lewis brought up the idea that glory meant fame, I immediately responded negatively, after all, isn't fame bad!? (I so often see fame linked with Hollywood and self-promotion and the like. God is not famous, is He?.) However, as Lewis “warmed up” to the idea, I, too, became more comfortable with it. (And since I first read the book, Chris Tomlin's song, "Famous One", was written and it has truly helped me to understand God's glory even more.)

The book also talks a lot about the "approval” or “appreciation” of God. Is this something that you desire? I know for me, it is something that I long for in my life more than anything else. As Lewis noted, this view is from Scripture. “Nothing can eliminate from the parable the divine accolade, ‘Well done, thou good and faithful servant.’”

Oh how I long to hear those words from the mouth of my Savior. Don't you?? I long to receive approval and appreciation from my God in heaven. There is no doubt that the most fundamental issue is NOT how we think of God but rather how He thinks of us, as Lewis asserts. For us to appreciate God is important, yes. However, for a Christian that desires to know God deeply on a personal level, this appreciation of God is presupposed. Far more important is whether or not God appreciates us. (I know what the Bible says, but how I feel about my actions and whether or not God could actually approve of me, is so much harder to trust in faith. This is especially true of new believers who feel so unworthy to know God...like He's mad that they still mess up.) There is some good in taking an introspective look at our lives, though. I mean, would God approve of the actions and words that I chose, today, to make my own? Was I glorifying to Him in each of my endeavors today? Would today prove worthy of the words, “Well done, my good and faithful servant”? Though my answers might be 'No' and I can still receive the acceptance and love of God just as readily as if my answers were 'Yes', asking the questions is helpful for me in my pusuit of holiness. Yes, these are weighty questions—Lewis acknowledges that fact, himself. However, these are questions that we can ask ourselves in order to better understand this idea of glorifying God to the fullest. (Again, just to make sure you get what I said here: God loves you no matter what. If you had the worst day ever, He could not love you any less. That truth is freeing to me. Use these questions as a desire to increase the glory of God on a daily basis, and if they don't help you, chuck 'em.)

“The promise of glory is the promise, almost incredible and only possible by the work of Christ, that some of us, that any of us who really chooses, shall actually survive that examination, shall find approval, shall please God. To please God…to be a real ingredient in the divine happiness…to be loved by God, not merely pitied, but delighted in as an artist delights in his work or a father in a son—it seems impossible, a weight or burden of glory which our thoughts can hardly sustain. But so it is.”

My struggle with applying how to be glorifying to God comes from the deeply rooted selfishness within me. I can be described with Lewis’ words on page 26: “We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at sea. We are far too easily pleased.” Why can’t I see the infinite joy that comes from pleasing my God in heaven? Why do I think that I know what is best for myself? Why do I act with such half-heartedness when it is the true desire of my heart to glorify God in all that I do? Why do I fall back on my own strength, my own desires, when I have the arms of the all-powerful God around me to support me each day, in each trial? What is keeping me from glorifying God?

Help me, Father, to seek you each and every day and to bring glory to your name. Help me to learn to live my life continually longing to hear the words, “Well done, my good and faithful servant,” though I will never be worthy of them. Oh Lord, this is my desire!

I pray you'll join me in my pursuit to glorify our LORD! Bless you!

Spirit-Creatures

2005-06-02T15:49:00.000-05:00

I was looking back over a book I started reading a few months ago, and came across some blog-worthy material. Here's the quote from Bill Gillham's book, Lifetime Guarantee:

The Scriptures also teach that God is spirit and that humanity is made in His image. Therefore, we are spirit-beings. We are not physical creatures with spirits; we are spirit-creatures with bodies.

I love this distinction! "We are not physical creatures with spirits; we are spirit-creatures with bodies." I've never heard it stated so plainly before, yet it's so true. I mean, why were you and I created? It wasn't to fulfill the infamous bumper sticker, "He who dies with the most toys wins." It wasn't for fame or glory or to leave a legacy or have a family, though there's nothing inherently wrong with those things in and of themselves (as long as they're not our desire). You and I were created to glorify God. Colossians 1:16 reads, "For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him." All things were created by Him! That means you and me and the neighbor down the street who has no clue that this is true! Everyone you run into on a daily basis was created for God, whether they know it or not.

So, in knowing that we were created for Him, it's awesome to think about being spirit-creatures first. I mean, being a male, living in such a sex-crazed culture, and counseling many students over the past few years, I can recall myself thinking and even speaking the words, "I'm a physical creature" or "You're a physical person; God created you that way." And while my intentions were good, and proved a point in the all-too-familiar daily battle that we face to be pure in our thoughts and actions, I really like the idea that my focus shouldn't be on the physical. I know what my flesh feels! I don't need any encouragement there (and some days that is such an understatement). [sigh] What I do need to be reminded is that I've been created as a spirit-creature, to glorify God with who I am and how I live. Now, I'm gonna be frank and say that I hope that one day God will allow me the opportunity to glorify Him through having a family of my own: a wife, a few munchkins--a family. But, no matter if or when that actually happens (and I really hope it does), I need to remember that I'm still a spirit-creature now. No matter how all-consuming the flesh or wants or desires may feel at the moment, the reality is that I'm a spirit-creature first. That is my ultimate calling (and yours, whether you believe it or not). We were first created for Him!! So, if He sees fit to have me in this place in my life, then so be it. If He sees fit to bring a wonderful woman into my life someday (fingers crossed, saying prayers...haha), then so be it. But I want so badly to live as a spirit creature today! Here's a perfect passage to leave you with from Romans 13:8-14.

Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law. The commandments, "Do not commit adultery," "Do not murder," "Do not steal," "Do not covet," and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: "Love your neighbor as yourself." Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.
And do this, understanding the present time. The hour has come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed. The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light. Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy. Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature.

May we be wrapped in the Lord as we seek to live as spirit-creatures today! Bless you!

A Much Needed Pick-Me-Up

2005-06-01T00:32:00.000-05:00

So I've been feeling sorry for myself today. Just been thinking a lot about where I'm at in life and wishing that there was more for me, ya know? You ever been there? I mean, most of my best friends are married or working on it, I'm not a "success" in the eyes of man, I've just been feeling down today, and yet I have so much to be thankful for.

I came home tonight to find one of my favorite movies, Glory, on cable. It's like God knew what I needed to see and hear to encourage my spirit. I had just watched the movie for a few minutes before my favorite part of the movie came up. The men who were fighting in the Civil War, in the army's first black regiment--the 54, were gathered around a campfire and we're praising Jesus, asking for His blessing on their battle the next morning. They were walking into a certain death on the battlefield excited and praising their Lord! They had a faith beyond human reason and earthly accolades. They were proud to serve and even prouder about their hope in their Lord, who would sustain them, no matter the outcome--win or lose, live or die.

Oh that I might cling to the truth that the Lord sustains me...even today when my Spirit is heavy. I want so badly to live in the victory that Christ claimed for me through a brutal agony. And yet so often I'm consumed with the petty frustrations of life, and I get lost in all of what is "lacking", and by the way I live and think, you'd think that I had lost the battle. Oh that I might realize that I lack nothing, because in Him I have everything. This is not a passive truth that exists before me but an active one that empowers me to fight and live more fully for Him and His glory. The 54 lost over half of its men in that battle to capture Ft. Wagner, yet they were not failures. Though the fort was never taken, word of the bravery of this regiment of color spread throughout the Union, and many more regiments of color entered the war. President Lincoln attributed the eventual victory to this turning point, ushered in by the 54.

Oh that I may fight as a soldier of color for my Lord, in the midst of such a black and white world. May you and I, friends, find ourselves standing out boldly, taking risks for His glory, all the while knowing that no matter the outcome we are already victors in the reality that we fight with Him and for Him...and nothing else matters.

The Return of the Prodigal Son

2005-05-28T16:21:00.000-05:00

Here's a post I've been saving for a good time. It's about one of my favorite books, The Return of the Prodigal Son. Henri Nouwen wrote this book in response to the parable of the lost son found in Luke 15:11-31. I encourage you to reread this passage before reading his relections below. Nouwen didn't just reflect on this passage, though. He wrote this work as a written reflection of Rembrandt's pictorial representation of Luke 15:11-31 shown here:

Get a taste of Nouwen's book, The Return of the Prodigal Son, through these two small compilations of quotes from the book.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"YOU ARE MY BELOVED, ON YOU MY FAVOR RESTS"

"The Father is always looking for me with outstretched arms to receive me back and whisper again in my ear: 'You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests.'

Somehow I have become deaf to the voice that calls me the Beloved, have left the only place where I can hear that voice, and have gone off desperately hoping that I would find somewhere else what I could no longer find at home. When I forget that voice of the first unconditional love, then innocent suggestions can easily start dominating my life and pull me into the 'distant country'.

Leaving home is, then, much more than an historical event bound to time and place. It is a denial of the spiritual reality that I belong to God with every part of my being, that God holds me safe in an eternal embrace, that I am indeed carved in the palms of God’s hands and hidden in their shadows. Leaving home means ignoring the truth that God has 'fashioned me in secret, moulded me in the depths of the earth and knitted me together in my mother’s womb.' (Psalm 139) Leaving home is living as though I do not yet have a home and must look far and wide to find one.

Home is the center of my being where I can hear the voice that says: 'You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests'—the same voice that gave life to Adam and spoke to Jesus; the same voice that speaks to all the children of God and sets them free to live in the midst of a dark world while remaining in the light. I have heard that voice. It has spoken to me in the past and continued to speak to me now. It is the never-interrupted voice of love speaking from eternity and giving life and love whenever it is heard. When I hear that voice, I know that I am home with God and have nothing to fear.

God has never pulled back his arms, never withheld his blessing, never stopped considering his son the Beloved One. But the Father couldn’t compel his son to stay home. He couldn’t force his love on the Beloved. He had to let him go in freedom, even though he knew the pain it would cause both his son and himself. It was love itself that prevented him from keeping his son home at all cost. It was love itself that allowed him to let his son find his own life, even with the risk of losing it.

Here the mystery of life is unveiled. I am loved so much that I am left free to leave home. The blessing is there from the beginning. I have left it and keep on leaving it. But the Father is always looking for me with outstretched arms to receive me back and whisper again in my ear: 'You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests.'"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"GOD WANTS TO FIND ME!"

"For most of my life I have struggled to find God, to know God, to love God. I have failed many times but always tried again, even when I was close to despair.

Now I wonder whether I have sufficiently realized that during all this time God has been trying to find me, to know me, and to love me. God is looking into the distance for me, trying to find me, and longing to bring me home.

It might sound strange, but God wants to find me as much as, if not more than, I want to find God. I am beginning now to see how radically the character of my spiritual journey will change when I no longer think of God as hiding out and making it as difficult as possible for me to find him, but, instead, as the one who is looking for me while I am doing the hiding. When I look through God’s eyes at my lost self and discover God’s joy at my coming home, then my life may become less anguished and more trusting.

The parable of the prodigal son is a story that speaks about a love that existed before any rejection was possible and that will still be there after all rejections have taken place. It is the first and everlasting love of a God who is Father as well as Mother. It is the fountain of all true human love, even the most limited. Jesus’ whole life and preaching had only one aim: to reveal this inexhaustible, unlimited motherly and fatherly love of his God and to show the way to let that love guide every part of our daily lives. In his painting of the father, Rembrandt offers me a glimpse of that love. It is the love that always welcomes home and wants to celebrate."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nouwen's words beautifully portray the love that our heavenly Father has for each one of us. Don't waste another day: return to the arms of your loving, eternal Father today. He's been wanting to find you for so long. I love Henri Nouwen because in the way he writes I'm drawn more and more to the overwhelming love and acceptance that is freely offered to you and I through Jesus. He helps me appreciate the depth of my Lord's love and acceptance of me, a prodigal. How about you? How does all this come across to you. May we find ourselves today as the beloved of the Father and come out of hiding, realizing that God has been pursuing us for so long. Bless you!

Spirit Storytime

2005-05-25T11:11:00.000-05:00

Ok...so I just finished a HUGE comment on a blog-friend's blog and I thought that I should probably just use it as the meat of today's post. We've been dialoging about the Spirit of God and I was wondering if any of you would want to share stories of "successes" or "failures" at listening to the Spirit of God. I thought it might be a source of encouragement as we all seek to listen and sometimes to so well, and sometimes not so well. Anyway...if you want, I'd love to hear them. I'll start.

A few years back I was at a party where, for all I know, I was the only believer present. (I really don't know nor did I really want to consider the spiritual state of the others there, but anywho I was there and interacting with others.) I would strike up random conversations with friends and new acquaintances, talking about whatever...asking a lot of questions...really, I was just passing the time. Eventually the question that I had asked to so many others that evening was posed back to me, "so what's your major in school?" To which my response was brief, "business", and I added, "and I'm a Spanish minor". At that moment, I felt the Spirit of God telling me so strongly to be completely honest (because I was also a Christian Education and Ministry major). I just sort of ignored the thought in my head and pretended I didn't hear it thinking to myself, 'Why in the world would he want to hear about that?' So I ignored that call. But that voice didn't stop. It came back again...and I ignored it again...and again...and I ignored it. Needless to say, that I ignored the Spirit's leading over and over that night because I "didn't feel like going there when I was at a party and didn't really know these people" and blah blah. Really, I just didn't want to be seen as one of those "Jesus freaks". I blew it in a major way that night; I stifled the Spirit of God, and I'll never forget it.

I'd very freely call that a failure except that God really taught me through that experience and I hope (and pray) that I'll never make a similar mistake like that again. Fast forward to a year or so ago.Here's what I might call a success:

Last summer I took a group of students to Peru on a missions trip. The year prior I went down to Peru by myself to visit the place we'd be living and working and just to get to know the missionaries there. Needless to say that I fell in love with my new missionary friends, John and Jannette, and really felt a strong connection with them. We were able to openly talk about deep spiritual things and share our lives with one another. It was the start of a beautiful friendship. :)

In one of those moments, they were telling me about their daughter who they very obviously love soooo dearly. They were sharing a little about her and her story...how she'd fallen away from God and was living with a guy that she'd recently had a baby with and wasn't in any sort of community or real relationship that spurred her on to the LORD. (I don't write any of these details as a statement of moral judgment...I'm merely relaying the facts as they were told to me to give you some background.) She was a little younger than me at the time, and Jannette was telling me about her daughter as if she were her most prized possession. Tearfully, she shared some of the hurts and frustrations that her daughter had expressed from her and I could see the love that she and John had for their daughter.

Well, on my way back to the States, they asked if I could mail some letters for them. One of the letters happened to be for their daughter. I brought it all the way back up to Chicago and as I was about to drop it in the outgoing mail, I heard a small voice telling me to write her. I started thinking...'Yeah right, why would I do that? She doesn't know me, she'll think I'm some weirdo for writing her out of the blue.' Anyway, the Spirit was insistent, "Write her."

Needless to say, I wrote her, not wanting for me to again end in failure from not responding to God's still small voice. I wrote her and told her who I was and that I had just spent a week with her parents. I told her that in my time there I'd grown to love her parents a lot and that I just wanted to let her know that they pray for her everyday. I told her that her mom and dad gushed over how wonderful she is and I finished my letter with, "Thought you should know all this," and that was it. I wrote the letter, tossed it in an envelope and mailed it. And for many hours afterward I wondered why I did such a weird thing. :)

I don't know how weird that girl thought I was for writing her out of the blue and telling her that stuff, but I know that when I told her parents that I did that a year later, they both started crying. I'll probably never know what God did with that letter, but I do know that I didn't ignore the Spirit that time...nor will I intentionally ignore Him ever again. (At least I hope I won't. I know I'm not above doing stupid things like ignoring the Spirit but I really want to listen...no matter how weird it sounds.)

So, what started as a comment in a blog has now become my post for the day. So what about you? Any stories for storytime?

THE neglected SPIRIT

2005-05-23T16:50:00.000-05:00

Yesterday my senior pastor talked about modernism and postmodernism and how these two ways of thinking affect the church and create miscommunication between the members. He jokingly made some comment about how he can't stand when postmoderns use the word "journey" in reference to their spiritual walk with God. He said, "When they say that, I feel like I should be on Oprah or something." In that split second I didn't know whether to be offended or laugh out loud, but I chose the middle ground of pretending he didn't say anything at all (which probably hints at the fact that I was in some way offended...at least a little). I mean, check out what I wrote for my little snip-it about me here on my blog. I write, "I'm a prematurely graying single male who loves Jesus and desires to journey with Him forever." I really like that statement (well all but the part about me going gray already. I mean, I started graying at 23! What the heck is that about?!). To me, the knowledge that life is a journey helps me to desire to experience God on a daily basis, no matter what terrain I'm walking. Which brings me to my major point of concern that was my pastor's topic of speaking this past Sunday: the sources of the Truth.

The Bible is God's Word, it is infallible, it is God-breathed, it is absolute, and yadda-yadda. I strongly agree with all of that. For all of you modernists out there, it's as simple as that. The Bible is truth. It is God's book, it is his all-inspired word, etcetera etcetera. But I really don't think it's as "simple" as that. As a predominantly postmodern, "young" (as Layla says despite the fact that I'm prematurely graying), single male, I see the point of life as being our call to experience God. In experiencing God, I am drawn to 'love the LORD my God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength' and 'love my neighbor as myself'. I'm drawn to 'go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit'. I'm just plain drawn to live like I'm HIS and to worship Him all along the way! And the Bible is definitely part of that!!! But it is not the only part, and it is definitely not the part I think we should be talking about. Actually, as a general perception, I feel like that's the ONLY part that we do talk about; we talk about the Bible as the truth of God so much, and we neglect the other very personal and intimate ways that God speaks to our hearts on a regular basis through His Spirit. I want to look at the passage we talked through on Sunday because I think it helps s look at these issues even more: 1 John 2:18-27.

This passage centers around the idea of false teachers, which, as a sidenote for all of you Bible trivia buffs, when based off of sheer numbers, is the theme that comes up most repeatedly in the Scripture. But anyway, the part my pastor focused on that I want to share with you comes in verses 24 and 27. My senior pointed out that verse 24 brings out the idea that Bible is the "Word of Truth". It is that which "you have heard from the beginning"; it is God's Word and it is our absolute source of truth. He also brought up that in verse 27 that there is another source of truth, the "Spirit of Truth". Verse 27 talks about the "anointing" that you have received from God and that it teaches you about all things. This 'anointing' represents the Spirit of God and it is also the truth!! It comes from God, in the form of person of the Spirit and it is real in our lives!

So what I want to know is, why don't we ever talk about the Spirit? I mean, just because we're not pentecostal doesn't mean that we can't talk about the amazingly powerful and REAL nature of the Spirit of God in our lives today, does it?! I don't get it. I mean we're not talking about some hokey makeshift gospel, we're talking about God Himself in the form of the Spirit!!! So what are we so afraid of? I mean, yes, my pastor brought this up on Sunday. However, compared to how he developed his talk regarding the Word of Truth (the Bible) and how much emphasis he put on pursuing the Word of Truth and not watering down the Word ever and standing out as a church that practices that in the midst of all the false teaching and teaching the Word to the next generation, his talk about the Spirit of Truth was but little more than drip in the bucket; it didn't compare at all. So why don't we talk about the Spirit?

Honestly, I think it's because we're scared to trust the Spirit. I mean, honestly, I've seen people misuse the Spirit's leading often. My favorite story of this is when a woman was talking to my future employer and she told him, "God told me that my son is supposed to speak at your conference of 20,000 students this summer, and He told me to tell you." To which my employer responded, "Really? Hmmm...well I know God, too, and He didn't tell me that." That story makes me smile because it's as if when we qualify our agenda as "being led by the Spirit" then we have extra clout and we'll get our way. We selfishly say that Spirit said what I want to have happen. Oh if that were the case. In my life, the Spirit almost never leads me to see that I was "right" initially. Normally, the Spirit leads me to see something, which in my flesh, I never would have seen otherwise.

Anyway...I'm getting done...sorry this is so long. Reflecting on that story helps me to bring much of this conversation together. In order to know that it is really the Spirit of God moving us (and not just indigestion or selfish will), we have to know the Word of God; they are both extremely important! The movement of God in the Bible becomes a framework that helps us to see God's movement in our lives. Knowledge of the Scripture is so important, yet it alone is not all there is. I think we have to start looking for the Spirit of God in our lives so that we don't neglect the whole aspect of the Spirit of Truth and so we realize that God is alive and well and working in our lives and on our behalf on a very regular basis. In my church experience, though, we're very heavy on the Word of Truth and we won't even begin to scratch the surface in talking about the Spirit.

Again, I think it's because we're (church leadership) is scared to trust people to appropriately decipher the Spirit of God. But isn't this really a question of trusting the Spirit in people's lives. I mean, just because someone says that they heard the Spirit doesn't actually mean that they did. It's not like they can give the Spirit a bad name...His name is already God (and that's NEVER bad)!! I guess I just wish that honest talk about experiencing God and journeying with Him and the Spirit wasn't so weird and scary.

[sigh] Does any of this make sense at all? I'm lookin for someone to let me know if I'm making sense or if I'm way off or what. Anyway, as always, thanks for listening. Bless you!

Jesus of Nazareth

2005-05-22T07:32:00.000-05:00

Part of what I've done for my youth group over the past few years is search the web high and low for great pics. Here is one of my all time favorites. I don't know where it came from, but I do know how it's stirred my heart. I hope it moves you like it has moved me.

Forgiveness

2005-05-20T00:47:00.000-05:00

So, I'm in my first hour of my 26th year on this earth, and I really felt like it was time to write about what God has been doing in my life. Sometimes in life it's very clear that God is trying to teach me something, and there's no question that this is one of those times.

I was talking to a friend of mine after playing poker with the boys the other night and on my way home from his house, God was teaching me something. I had an assignment that I was going to start to talk about with my counselor but I really felt led to talk about this new revelation from my LORD instead. God was so loud and so clear in those moments on my drive home, it's as if He was carefully placing the thoughts in my head and letting me know that they were from Him. And these thoughts center on the topic of forgiveness.

My buddy Josh is a musician and is usually the one to expose me to some new artist or something that he's been listening to. He's currently on a Robbie Seay Band kick, and the chorus of one of their songs goes like this:

Tasting forgiveness
Drinking of mercy
Feast on redemption
Tasting forgiveness

God has brought this song to my mind a lot over the past few days as I've been wrestling with the words He gave me in the car that night. I've been singing it, almost preparing myself for the transforming work that God is doing in my life.

Have you ever been hurt by someone--someone close to you--and you expect them to be the ones to come and make right on the situation? And when they do (if they do) they say something like, "I'm sorry for what happened...but...." It's like they're almost intentionally trying to make you mad about the very thing that hurt you initially by pointing out how your wrong even in the midst of their "apology". Well, needless to say, I've had some more interactions in 2005 when people that I've respected and looked up to and that "love" me have hurt me so badly. Not only have they hurt my feelings and bashed my ministry and crushed my spirit, but they think they're right and their apologies (for the one person that actually apologized at all) were not really apologies but more hurtful interactions that make me want to steer clear of that subject matter and that person all together. Well, the words God has been speaking to me is about forgiveness, I told you that. Specifically, God is calling me to forgive these people. He's calling ME to forgive THEM.

Ugh! I can't tell you how humbling an experience this has been for me over the past few days. Why would God ask me to forgive them? They're the ones that have hurt me! They're the ones that continue to selfishly push their agenda even in their "apologies" and end up hurting me even more. They've wronged me! What did I do wrong? ...and the answer comes: nothing. Absolutely nothing. I've done nothing wrong.

Sound familiar? My LORD was beaten beyond recognition, stabbed, had a crown of thorns rammed into His skull, He was mocked, He was rejected by men--even His disciples turned on Him, He was broken, He was hung on a cross as a criminal, and He was put to death for false accusations. What did He do wrong? ...and the answer comes: nothing. Absolutely nothing. My LORD did nothing wrong. And yet He forgave all. He forgave the soldiers who flogged Him, He forgave the thief on the cross next to Him, He forgave you and I who, with our sin, hung Him there. He has forgiven everyone and He did nothing wrong.

Deep at the heart of forgiveness is an utter selflessness. There is a humility and lowliness that the forgiver must have. And ultimately it doesn't come out of the merit of the person needing forgiveness. It comes freely out a depth of love for another. Jesus loved so much that He was willing to forgive the world for their sin and bear it all with His body and His blood, and He did nothing wrong. And yet I selfishly cling to my hurts and declare that I've been wronged and wait for these respected believers to seek me out to ask for my forgiveness! Oh LORD, please forgive my arrogance in the way that I long to be justified in the eyes of men. But you already have, haven't you Father? You already have forgiven me! Oh how I love you and praise you for your goodness. It is you alone that I give my heart and my life. Thank you for your forgiveness which comes to me daily as a result of Christ's work, once for all, on Calvary that we may ALL be justified in your name.

This reality sheds new light on Jesus' words regarding Matthew 18:21-35. (Make sure you click the link and read the passage!!!) Here Peter asks, "Lord, how many times shal I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" And Jesus replies by saying "seventy-seven" or "seventy times seven". He's saying that we are to forgive our brother and sister who sins against us EVERY TIME!! EVERY TIME!!! I hate that. I don't want to forgive them. I want them to want to be forgiven...and so does our LORD. He forgives us so freely and He wants us to want to be forgiven and yet so many of those that He's created in His image reject Him and ignore His love. He wants us to want to be forgiven and yet His forgiveness is not dependent on us in any way. It's just plain offered. He forgives because it's in His nature to love and forgive. I want that so badly. I want to know of that selfless love and be able to offer it at a moment’s notice. Yet my flesh clings to these hurts and demands retribution.

I’m now into the second hour of my 26th year on this earth and I’m so very grateful to my LORD. I’m grateful for the forgiveness that I’ve received which has nothing to do with my merit or my worthiness but has everything to do with Him. And I’m thankful for car rides home when the Spirit of God speaks to me in such clear ways. Now all I have to do is figure out how to release these people from the bonds that I’ve created for them. I want to love them and free them from the hurt they’ve brought in my life without any semblance of reckoning on their part…and without them even knowing that I’ve been carrying this for a long time. Would you pray for me, that God would do this mighty work in my life: helping me to release my brother and sister to the forgiving love that can only come by the work of Christ at Calvary and the power of His Holy Spirit that is within me. Wouldn’t that be a great way to start my 26th year? I covet your prayers.

My Son

2005-05-17T16:22:00.000-05:00

Here's something I wrote while I was at Wheaton College:

Give me, Lord, courage to trust when I can’t see—
Courage to live and courage to be.
Give me, Lord, the strength to endure—
All of the trials, and Lord keep me pure.
Keep me, Lord, down on my face—
Both before and after and even during the race,
That I may give thanks and seek help all of my days,
That I may glorify you and bring to you praise.
I love you, my Lord—my God and my King.
I love you so much more than anything.
For even in the hurt—these times when I don’t understand,
I know you’re beside me, still holding my hand.
I know that you’re there Lord, desiring that I
Give you control—supreme control—of my life.
“But Lord,” I cry, “that is so hard—so hard to do.”
“Yes, my son,” you respond, “I agree it’s hard. That’s true.
But remember Christ—your Savior and friend.
Surrender to him from now till the end.
BJ, look through my eyes. Look and see!
Have that courage to live and courage to be
The son that you are, that child of mine,
The son I adore—my perfect design.
Remember, BJ, that it is only through me
That a perfect son you ever will be.
So, model the Christ—the only perfect one,
And become, grow up and develop, more and more as my son.”

BJ -- September 2, 1999

Amazing that I can be the son of the God of the universe. He calls us children! Not that I am worthy, O God, but that you are that gracious. Thank you.

Oh the Joys of Accountability

2005-05-15T03:32:00.000-05:00

In today's post, I've adapted a prior article that I wrote for my church so that we could dialogue about it a little bit. So here you go:

Though I have experienced the joys of accountability, my title for this article was written a bit tongue-in-cheek. The Lord has given me opportunities in the past couple of years to rethink the practices that we typically consider as a normal part of accountability. Let me paint a picture of accountability for you.... In effective accountability, honesty abounds. Members experience Christian community by living out James 5:16, "Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” This is a safe place where the sinner can be set free from shame through the opportunity to be honest with trusted friends, and where those friends get the opportunity to extend Jesus’ love, accepting support, and forgiveness in spite of the entangling sin. Beautiful, isn’t it? This is one of the true joys of accountability. However, this is not the whole picture....

Honesty in accountability is wonderful. However, loving, supportive, acceptance of one another in the midst of our sin gives us a distorted, one-sided view of accountability. Accountability members are reminded in Ephesians that they are to “speak the truth in love”. So, effective accountability is not just honest and loving; it also involves both rebuke and forgiveness. In Luke 17:3, Jesus says, "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him." So what happens when in weekly accountability the same sins keep coming up? What happens when your accountability partners choose the bondage of repeated sin and then mouth the words of repentance? Better yet, what happens when you choose the bondage of repeated sin and then mouth the words of repentance? If an accountability relationship is at the point where we’re frustrated and asking these questions, then we are missing the greatest joy of accountability. Let me explain.

God has really reconfigured my thinking on accountability. Here is my epiphany: Accountability is not primarily about our sin; accountability is primarily about our pursuit of God. During a wonderful evening a little over a year ago, my best friends and partners in ministry at the time (Ben and Josh) and I were afforded the tremendous opportunity to have dinner with one of our favorite couples, Jim and Sue. That night God struck me, again, with what God has intended accountability to be. Jim and Sue recounted to us their then recent spiritual retreat, where Larry Crabb had challenged them to, as Jim said, "draw out the gold in people." What does that mean? It means that we are to encourage one another in our walks with Christ first—not focus on sin first! Our focus on putting off sin must come as a response to our deep personal desire to pursue God and honor him with who we are (Romans 12:1). In accountability, this could look like focusing on, “What did you do this week to pursue Jesus?” or “How did you meet with God this week?” rather than, “How have you sinned this week?” When the focus of accountability is sin, then sin will continue to abound, and when the focus of accountability is Jesus and our pursuit of Him, then He will abound in our lives. It reminds me of a statement that God impressed upon my heart in college and something he continues to teach me still today: “Sin breeds more sin, and holiness breeds more holiness.” When our focus is on our pursuit of Jesus, it is only natural that we will change sinful habits in our lives and throw off anything that hinders (Hebrews 12:1). Holiness does truly "breed" more holiness. I’m convinced that we need to draw out the Jesus in one another and experience the greatest joy of accountability.

Care to join me?

A New View of God

2005-05-13T13:27:00.000-05:00

It has been interesting working with high school students and hearing how they talk about God and thus formulating what their view of Him must be. Some of them view God as the nagging mother who doesn't let them do anything fun ever. (This is not to say that you mothers who are reading this are nagging moms, but let's face it: they do exist, and when they do, these moms are dang good at their nagging.) Some of my high schoolers view God a sort-of 'Santa Claus in the sky' kind of guy. Some of them view God as a distant judge who doesn't really care but just wants to burn them when they screw up. So, how about you? What is your view of God?

One book that changed my way of thinking was Larry Crabb's, The Pressure's Off. In reading that book I was forced to think about just how often I view God as mysource of blessings--and rightfully so, because He is. God has done so much for us: He's our provider and protector, He's given us family and has allotted us his cattle (see Psalm 50, verse 10 in particular), some more than others; our God is the bestower of many blessings. In The Pressre's Off, though, I was forced to evaluate my view of God in giving an honest answer to this deep question: Is God just your source of blessings or is He truly your greatest blessing? One more time:

Do you view God as your source of blessings or as your greatest blessing?

I don't know how that hits you...but for me, this was a HUGE wake up call for me. My intentions were good: I desired to view my LORD as my greatest blessing, but the way that I prayed and the way that I trusted and relied on Him revealed so much of the contrary. I mean, when it comes down to it, I don't want to pray for more cattle. (If you didn't link to Psalm 50 and read it, then you're wondering why I'm talking about cattle...so here's another chance for you: Psalm 50.) The cattle is only valuable when we realize that it is God who has bestowed it. It's not about the cattle, it's about HIM!!! I'd much rather pray for more of Him, wouldn't you? What would your life look like with more of Jesus in it?

I'll bet you that if you start praying for more of Him, then you'll get more of Him, and when you get more of Him, you'll want even more. And eventually, I really believe that you won't be happy with a mere increase in your cattle...unless, of course, it means an increase of His presence and His Spirit with you as well.

Let me know what you think! Bless you!

The Aches: Head and Heart

2005-05-11T12:59:00.000-05:00

I woke up today and felt like crap. I'm not sure why, but I had this pounding headache that I just couldn't shake. My head isn't the only thing that has been ailing me as of late, however. This past Monday night we had our last REVOLUTION of the year. (The REVOLUTION, by the way, is the name of our high school youth group and the ministry in which I've served for the past few years.) This past Monday was our featured Praise and Share Night where students and leaders are led into worship and then asked to publicly praise God by sharing a little about what they've learned over the past year or what they've struggled to let go of. It is always a thrilling time that draws me (and many others) to experience the impact of true community and corporate praise and worship. Despite some really annoying feedback during our worship set, God really used that night to create another ache in me: heartache.

God blessed me with a powerful night of seeing the fruit of the relationships we've established and work we've accomplished over the past three years. To see students worshipping God with a reckless abandon that I long to see in our adult population on a Sunday morning, was such a beautiful site. And even more humbling was when one of our volunteer leaders led students to pray for my buddy and I, while laying hands on us. They sort of commissioned us as we're moving on from our positions as co-directors of the youth ministry. I still don't feel worthy to have been used as a laborer in the God's Kingdom. I mean, He is so holy, and I nearly screwed everything up on so many different occasions. Yet God has been so faithful. He's protected me and humbled me and forced me to depend on Him in so many ways. I know that I did not deserve any of the praises of our youth group that evening, yet God in His goodness allowed me to receive it from Him. Knowing what I know about myself and wretch that I am in my flesh, I deflected that praise back to Him in attempts to give glory where glory is due. After all, He is one that is good! How he can use me in spite of me, I just don't know. But I do know that it has been a joy to serve Him in this ministry over the past three years, and I plan on serving Him for many years to come.

I'm not done serving Him here at the church, but each day that I have left at the church reminds me that one season of life is coming to a close and another is being opened, which brings up many memories and emotions. Maybe my felt heartache has contributed to today's felt headache (which is an understatement, let me tell you). I'm not sure exactly why I'm feeling the way I am, but I am glad for all my aches today as they've helped me to fall (again) at the feet of my Savior and say, "Thank you, Father! All praise and glory be to YOUR name."

May we continue to give glory where glory is due and receive from God the humbling blessing of being used to increase His glory! Bless you!

Our Ever-Present Companion

2005-05-11T02:52:00.000-05:00

In digging through the pile of junk that I've so delicately jammed into the extended cab of my beat-up Ford Ranger, I unearthed a devotional written by perhaps my favorite author of all time: Brennan Manning. The book, called Reflections for Ragamuffinsis an excellent devotional taken from Brennan's other writings. Here is the devotional entry from May 11th:

Standing on a London street corner, G.K. Chesterton was approached by a newspaper reporter. "Sir, I understand that you recently became a Christian. May I ask you one question?"

"Certainly," replied Chesterton.

"If the risen Christ suddenly appeared at this very moment and stood behind you, what would you do?"

Chesterton looked the reporter squarely in the eye and said, "He is."

Is this a mere figure of speech, wishful thinking, a piece of pious rhetoric? No, this truth is the most real fact about our life; it is our life. The Jesus who walked the roads of Judea and Galilee is the One who stands beside us. The Christ of history is the Christ of faith.

I love it! Jesus is our ever-present companion. What a powerful truth that Chesterton had realized even as a new believer in the risen LORD. If only we had such a faith! May we, my brothers and sisters, grasp the present reality that He is truly with us.

A Living Treasure

2005-05-09T06:14:00.000-05:00

So I seem to be on what my roommate from college used to affectionately call the "sleep freak cycle". Back in college, we typically entered 'the cycle' from staying up too late playing speed monopoly and talking theology in the hallways of Wheaton's Fischer dorm, all-the-while knowing that we still had to get up for early morning class--at least the freshman did, since by being freshman they did not have the luxury to schedule all of their classes at a later hour, thus suffering the greatest curse of being freshman. All of us Wheaties, however, whether freshman or not, had to make it to our Monday, Wednesday, Friday chapel, though. We did so to avoid being put on probation which could potentially jeopardize our parking permits and our ability to preschedule our classes a semester in advance. These were both musts because a.) we didn't want to be stuck in the "Wheaton bubble" against our will with no way out, and b.) we frequently entered the "sleep freak cycle", which meant that early classes would be unproductive and undeniably detrimental to the G.P.A. (We've already talked about the origins of 'the cycle', so I'll move on.) Anyway...all that is to say that it seems I'm on a similar 'sleep freak cycle', but I'm not playing monopoly. I am, in a way, talking a sort-of practical theology, if you, like me, view the events of daily life as a journey with our LORD that should be talked (blogged) about and pondered because He is moving and working and teaching us on a very daily basis, no matter the time of day or night. So now that I've set the stage and occupied a few more minutes of my morning, I'll get to my real post.

I just finished watching what my brother calls "one of the top five best movies ever". Considering that it's only rated PG, I knew before I saw it that this had to be a pretty dang good movie, especially since my bro normally prefers a concoction of off-color humor involving heavy quantities of language and action-violence. National Treasure, though, is one of those movies that in the genre of Indiana Jones, thrills the spirit and has you trying to solve the clues along with the likes of Nicholas Cage and his entourage. It is a good movie but even better than the movie itself is what God brought to my mind in thinking about the film.

I won't blow the movie for you because I hate when people do that, but as the title hints, it is about a treasure that is yet to be discovered. In thinking about the concept of a treasure, I'd like you to consider some of the more frequent references to a treasure: it's normally buried and therefore implies that it must be found; 'X' definitely marks the spot; pirates are involved somehow (and most of my high school girls would say "hot pirates" talking about Johnny Depp in his fairly recent rendering of Pirates of the Carribean); it represents a vast fortune of gold that has been hidden through the ages; and it symbolizes the epitome of the limitless buying power (yes, even more than Puff Daddy and his American Express Black Card). So, where is the theological banter? Here is comes....

I know of THE treasure of centuries. Yes, you heard it here ladies and gentlemen...I have first hand knowledge of a treasure unlike any that Nicholas Cage and Harrison Ford have unearthed through their hollywood masks. This is the only treasure that is not buried, where 'X' never marks the spot, where there are no pirates and therefore no Johnny Depp (sorry girls), and the only treasure whose immeasurable value makes rooms full of gold and precious jewels seem like the plastic cup on my desk that houses a few hundred pennies. This treasure defies scholars and archaeologists alike because it cannot be 'found' and therefore cannot be touched or tested or measured on earthly scales. This treasure is THE treasure of the centuries!

The person of Jesus is not buried, but risen indeed--a living treasure! He cannot be unearthed and therefore there is no treasure map (unless you want to make the stretch that the Bible is our map that leads us to Jesus, which I kind of like but doesn't work in the post that I'm currently writing, so just forget I ever brought it up, okay?! hehe). Continuing on...there are no pirates to my knowledge :) and the value of Jesus is worth so much more than all of the gold and precious jewels of the world combined. And here is the best part: this treasure was not intended for you to find as if it were hidden, but rather to know and to experience on a daily basis. The treasure of the person of Jesus can be yours today through His Spirit. He is a treasure of unquantifiable value; even the finders of this treasure never begin to fully mine the depths of His mystery. This living treasure is one that we can know more of each and every day. His value and His presence is THE relationship that gives lives true value. It doesn't matter whether the finder dies of earthly poverty or, like Puff Daddy, has his very own American Express Black Card. Each of them has personally known and experienced THE treasure! Jesus is THE treasure! Like any good teacher, I'll say that one more time:

Jesus is THE treasure!

Have you found this treasure in your life? Do you think I'm full of it? If you do, I just offer you this challenge: seek Him. I dare you. Seek to discover who this Jesus, this living treasure is, and then tell me about your findings. Oh, and this is not an academic pursuit, but an active searching of your soul--the invitation for Christ to enter your life. The Scripture is clear:

Deuteronomy 4:29 "But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul."
Proverbs 8:17 "I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me."
Jeremiah 29:13 "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
Matthew 7:7 [ Ask, Seek, Knock ] "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."
Luke 11:9 "So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."
Acts 17:27 "God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us."

As for you, readers, may you not just find Him, but know Him and experience Him and live Him in your daily lives--this day and every day! Bless you!

His Mercies are New...

2005-05-06T13:40:00.000-05:00

...every afternoon. :) After having a not-so-great night, today I'm excited. I just got to talk to my future employer and I love him. He is so great. I feel really cared about and appreciated by him, and he sounds really excited about me coming on the team and about more and more new projects that we'll get to work on together. That's just like God: in the midst of difficult night, to provide refreshment and nourishment in the morning (well...afternoon, but after a late night, this is my morning. hehe)! It's like he's saying, "I told you I am with you. You never believe me, but it's always true." He is so good to me!

Thank you, Father, for blessing me this early afternoon and thank your presence and provision in my life. And may you (the vast readership of my blog...HA!) find that to be true for you today: that He is intimately involved in all of the details of your day and that His presence with you is a noticeable reality. Bless you!

In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning...

2005-05-06T04:56:00.000-05:00

I love Frank Sinatra and as I'm freakin' still awake that song came to mind. Too bad that song is about staying up thinking about a girl, which I'm not doing. I'm actually up and thinking about my LORD.

How God's love extends to me, I just don't know. Yet I'm so very grateful. In pondering the depth of my humanity and the vastness of my sin, I find myself clinging to the truth that in Him I have everything. And He is all I want! He is ALL I want!

Through a few tears tonight and a loss for words to express my gratefulness for the acceptance that He gives me so freely, I lay broken and wanting more of Him. It's sick though that in spite of my knowledge of His accepting me and loving me and wanting more of me that I desire so badly to be accepted and loved and wanted by a human other. God feels so far away sometimes...why is that?...yet His presence is real and I trust that He is ALWAYS with me.

May you, no matter what time of day or night, know that He accepts and loves and wants more of you. Why? I have absolutely no clue and that makes it that much more amazing!!

Cinco de Mayo

2005-05-05T16:32:00.000-05:00

The fact that today is the Mexican booz fiesta reminds me to think back about some of my fond memories of living in Mexico City for a summer while finishing my Spanish minor. I really miss the people that were part of my usual routine there, and thought I'd tell you all a little about them.

Jonathan was the guy I was living with. He was 27 at the time (about 5 years ago now) and was such a great guy. His mom had left for the summer to stay with his sister in Cancun and so it was just him and I, and his brother David, who was never really around.

Here was a typical day while I was in Mexico. I'd wake up at about 6:30. School didn't start 'til 8am but if I wanted a hot shower I had to wake up early. I'd wake up and put on a sweatshirt to climb up the outside staircase to the top floor where I'd have to light the water heater in order to get a hot shower. Then I'd run back down the metal, spiral staircase and hop back in bed for a half hour...at which time I'd reclimb the stairs and hop in the shower. The shower head came up to my shoulders so the whole showering experience was interesting. Plus the toilet is in the shower, so that was also interesting. Hey, at least they had a faucet, which didn't spray but dripped. I was grateful for the faucet! (When I went back to visit, hot showers weren't an option at all, and the faucet was broken so I spent my morning pouring buckets of cold water over my head. Wow, did that wake me up!) I'd get dressed and head down for breakfast.

Jonathan was so great. He'd make me breakfast, well...usually just bread and butter and coffee, which they put yogurt in. YUM! And some days he'd prepare me a lunch, which would consist mainly of a sandwich and a piece of fruit. Eventually I had the courage enough to tell him that I didn't want refried beans on my sandwich. (They use it like butter. Yes, you heard me right.) Anyway, then I'd be off to school. I'd walk down the street to a ton of yapping dogs, mostly strays. Actually, one of the neighbor dogs scared the crap out of me every single day. I'd always think, "If that thing ever jumped off the upstairs porch, it would definitely kill me and feast for a week." I'd wait at the corner for my minibus and I'd squeeze on, pay my peso and a half and get a ride to school (or close to it). When I say "squeeze on", I mean just that. My morning bus was always jammed with people. Normally I'd be standing in the doorway and leaning outside the bus, just holding on to the railings to keep from plummeting to my death. The really scary part would come when we'd be passing parked cars and I'd have to squeeze myself into the people in front of me in the doorway so that I didn't get crushed by the oh-so-dangerous parked vehicle. Weird, huh? I'd hop of the bus and walk 3 blocks to the church where we had class.

I loved class! I took theology and dance and music and my Spanish class mainly consisted of me going to the town square to talk to people. It was great. Actually I committed to share the gospel every time I was in that square, and I did. It was a wonderful experience!

School would end and some days I would head out to see "las ninas". "The girls", I know...this is extremely technical verbage here, were being raised in the care of World Vision, and they were being raised in a Christian upbringing. Most of them were wards of the state, as they had been picked up on the street and were not drug addicts or prostitutes, just lost and lonely kids that had nowhere to go. Most of the girls ran away from home due to being beaten or unwanted, and some were just there because their families couldn't afford to keep them alive. It was the highlight of my summer to spend time with them. We'd catch a cab and drive for a long time to see them, and then we'd walk and play basketball or they'd play music and make us dance and laugh at us, or we'd just sit and smile at each other. They were (are) so precious! I actually wear a ring in rememberance of those girls. I bought it one day when we went to the market with them. I pray for them regularly and love them very much.

Then I'd head home and we'd go play basketball for a while or just hang out. All the guys we'd play against would get mad that I was 6'4. Like I have any control of that, but it was fun to beat up on them a little bit. We'd stop for dinner after basketball, which was always late. My favorite place to eat was around the corner from our house and we'd sit on stools on the street and eat right outside this lady's house. She would make the best quesadillas ever! So yummy.

Then we'd head back to the house and watch a movie or just crash. It was so fun!

God really blessed me that summer in Mexico and taught me a lot about His heart for those less fortunate and His care for all of His children. I miss my friends in Mexico City very much and I'm thinking about them on this Cinco de Mayo.

"Through Me"

2005-05-04T17:26:00.000-05:00

In the midst of a crazy busy day, I love that I can slow down and ponder my LORD. In doing so, I thought I'd share one of my favorite paintings with you that I've been enjoying today. This breathtaking piece is by one of my favorite painters, Ain Vares. You can check him out and support his work through his site: http://www.ainvaresart.com

Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." John 14:6

May you enter his presence through him today. :)

What would YOU do for the big bux?

2005-05-02T02:54:00.000-05:00

One of my best friends in the whole world informed me the other day that he wants to sell his body to science. I wanted to make some joke about how he has a lot of body to sell and so he should be able to make a pretty penny, but I swallowed my commentary and just listened for a while. When it comes down to it, my buddy wants to make some money so that he can afford a recording studio and pursue his dream as a singer/songwriter. Which brings me to this post: why does money play such a prominent role in our lives?

I used to be an optimist (and deep down I think I still am), thinking that there has to be a way to love ministry and serving God and still not be dirt poor. (I know that there are very few people in the U.S. that are truly dirt poor, but I think you know what I mean.) Why are people in ministry always broke? I mean, it's not like my buddy wants to make millions so he can buy nitrous for some hot new car he just bought, and flaunt his horsepower in the underground streetracing syndicate. He wants some dinero to pursue his dream. Is that too much to ask?

I hate that money has to be the limiting factor in this scenario. I mean, the talent is there. My friend is one of the most talented songwriters that I have ever heard. We'll be hanging out and he'll pick up his guitar and play something that he wrote that morning in the shower or something that he's been working on. And this is good stuff! The desire is there. He really wants to pursue music because he feels God has gifted him in this way for him to use his gifts for the benefit of the body of Christ. Sound biblical? I think so.... (Check out 1 Corinthians 12. We know that our spiritual gifts have been given for the edification of the body and to draw others to relationship with God.) The call is there. (I know, I know, I'm venturing into some "shaky ground" in the fact that if the call is there, then God will make it happen. And I really do believe that He will. However, I'm referring to the here-and-now of this specific situation and just wanting my friend to have an opportunity to get started on what he feels God is caling him to.) So what's not there? The bux.

Why should money limit the fact that my friend wants to put out a demo CD so that we can get it into the hands of someone that will give him an opportunity to use his giftedness for God's glory? I hate that people in ministry constantly struggle to pursue their dreams because of a lack significant bank. Why does it have to be like that? I just wish this wasn't an issue.

And yet, in reading the Scripture and in having seen people in third-world countries that experientially know a poverty that my friend and I will never know, I trust that God is sovereign over all. I'm not naive enough to think that we have it bad; I've seen people that live in mud huts and don't own shoes and walk for 50 miles over a two day period to sell trinkets that they've made only to receive the equivalent of a few dollars for their wares which keeps them and their family alive for the next month. I know we don't have it bad. But I do wish that money wasn't something that held us back from our dreams of how to serve God more fully. I know that in God's timing my friend will pursue his dream of being a songwriter. I really do believe that. And yet I'm stuck in this in-between of resonating with the frustrations of my friend being held back from pursuing his dreams in the here-and-now.

I don't have time to list all the Scripture that has been buzzing through my head while I write this post, but I will leave you with one. It comes from Luke chapter 6 verses 20-26:

Looking at his disciples, he [Jesus] said:
"Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God.
Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied.
Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh.
Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man.
"Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven.
For that is how their fathers treated the prophets.
"But woe to you who are rich, for you have already received your comfort.
Woe to you who are well fed now, for you will go hungry.
Woe to you who laugh now, for you will mourn and weep.
Woe to you when all men speak well of you, for that is how their fathers treated the false prophets.

(I know that Jesus was talking a lot more about the spiritual aspects of being poor in Spirit than about being financially poor, but that's just it, isn't it: God want us to to consider Him as what's most important. Knowing Him is what determines poor and rich, and the rest will happen according to His will and in His timing. I guess I just wish that my friend wasn't talking about selling his body to science in order to fulfill his dream of serving God through his music. I trust God for my financial future and for my friend's. I just wish that a few (thousand) bux wasn't the thing holding him back at this point in his life.)

What do you think about all this?

Home Alone

2005-04-30T22:58:00.000-05:00

No this isn't a commentary on McCauley Caulkin's only real movie. Actually it's a pretty all-encompassing description of the events of my entire weekend. Can you say lame? ...yes, that's me this weekend! Do I have friends? I think so, but I can't be sure. They're obviously not here with me which means that they're either out having fun or they lead equally lame lives. Either way doesn't say anything good about me. HA! (I can only laugh cuz I have no explanation at all for my lack of anything at all to do for the past two nights.) It's been months--many many months--since I didn't do a single thing on a Friday or Saturday night. I don't know how my life got so boring all of a sudden, but I thought I'd share it with you, so that you too would know how pathetic I am. Oh boy....

Actually, about the only redeeming factor of such a lame weekend is that no matter how dull my life gets, I'm really ok. That's not because I'm a real man and can endure being alone and blah blah. It's actually just because nothing can touch my identity in Christ; nothing can change the way that He feels about me. Certainly there are many people that will think I'm lame for not having anyone to go out with all weekend (and they'd be right), but the best part is that what they think doesn't really matter. I mean, yes, it is nice to be liked and even, dare I even suggest, desired by another. But when it comes down to it, I've been desired by the only one that really matters: Jesus. Jesus desires a relationship with you and me even more than I selfishly wish I would have done something this weekend thus helping me to not appear so incredibly pathetic. He desires us.

I'm sure many of you know John Piper. Piper has written many brilliant books, one of which is called Desiring God. I've actually yet to read all of it not for lack of quality but because I never seem to make it through any books in their entirety, at least not for a long while. I bring up Piper's book because I want you to consider the flip side of the title. Instead of you and I (or John Piper) writing a book called Desiring God, consider if you and I were the title of a famous book written by our LORD. Desiring _______ (fill in your name) written by Jesus. Powerful thought, isn't it?! I think the best part of it is that Jesus thinks that His "book" about you is so great...His favorite work. I love it!!!

I don't know...maybe you're not as taken by that concept as I am, but I cling to the fact that God has redeemed me and called me by name. He has made what seems to be a pathetic life, judging from the lack of any significant happening the past two nights, so incredibly unpathetic. (I know I just invented a new word. Just roll with it....) My identity cannot be tainted by a years worth of uneventful weekends, though my social skills would undoubtedly suffer from such a curse. I have been rooted in Jesus and sealed with the Holy Spirit's presence in my life. HA! So I'm not loser! lol ...except that I'm still home alone and wishing that something was going on. At least I'm spending my time home alone pondering the amazing nature of our LORD. I hope your weekend was more eventful than mine, but most of all I hope you know how much God desires you...no matter how undesireable and pathetic you feel. God desires you! Take one second and think about it (or if you're schedule is as free as mine has been, take a short while). God desires you! Amazing, isn't it?!

Pink Aliens?

2005-04-28T16:59:00.001-05:00

I was talking to a friend last night and she asked me a question: "Do you believe in UFOs?" Now, not knowing this girl all that well, but knowing that she does have a faith in the LORD, I was a little surprised. I responded quickly, "No." To which she returned, "Why not? What if I told you I saw one?" To which I returned, "You didn't see one because they don't exist." This conversation went back and forth for a few minutes and then I asked her a question: "Do you believe in pink elephants?" Surprised, she laughed and I pressed her on it again, "Do you believe in pink elephants?" She thought about it and responded, "Well if I actually saw one I would." Even more surprised, I responded, "But pink elephants don't exist. Wouldn't you question what you had seen?" After a short talk about the sovereignty of God and parallel universes and life on other planets and the authority of the Scriptures (as short as all that can be), we decided to end our little talk. My friend ended the conversation with, "I can believe in pink aliens if I want to." :)

This conversation, though very humorous at the time and seemingly nonsensical has helped me to think about Jesus. [I know you're thinking I'm stretching things just a bit here, but give me a second to explain.] Imagine being alive during the days of Christ. Imagine having a friend of yours walk up to you and ask you a question: "What would you think if I told you that I just saw the Son of God?" You'd be like, "I think you're a nut job and I'd have to beg you to lay off the sauce a little bit?!" And what if he pressed the issue: "I'm serious, I've met the Son of God! I talked to him. We went out to Starbucks and we each got caramel macchiatos. He's really awesome." You'd probably respond sassily something like, "Don't you think if the Son of God was going for coffee he'd invite me and not you? You don't even like coffee drinks. Now I really don't believe you." It would be hard to believe, though, wouldn't it? Even if you were the Jews and were expecting the coming Messiah. It would be hard to believe and yet it was true. [Obviously not the part about Starbucks, but I decided to take a little creative liscense to spice things up a bit.] Jesus did walk this earth and touch people and heal them and chill with them. He did hold kids because he thought they were wonderful, and people saw him and talked to him and he made them feel important. He taught and modeled and mentored and encouraged. The Son of God is real. All we have to do is believe.

That's the essence of faith, isn't it? Believing in something not because you can prove it but just because. What does the Scripture say? Hebrews 11:1 reads, "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." And that is what I am. I am so sure of the hope that I have in my LORD that I would believe it stronger than my friend would believe in pink elephants even if she "actually saw one". I'm just glad that my faith lies in the God of the universe sending His Son, Jesus, because He love His children--YOU and ME and everyone else on earth--so much. 1 Timothy 2:4 talks about God as the one "who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth." That truth is available for anyone--EVERYONE that believes. Personally, I'm very grateful that my faith isn't in a flying saucer or pink aliens or other unproven, unverifiable anomalies. I'm grateful that my faith is in the living God, His Son, Jesus Christ, and the presence of His Holy Spirit with us on a daily basis. May you (and I) be drawn deeper into that faith today! Bless you!

The Breath of Life

2005-04-27T16:19:00.000-05:00

At work, after I spent $20 for my $9 lunch (since it was Administrative Assistant's Day and we treat the office ladies to lunch), I took a CPR course with the rest of my staff. Sidenote: we were also trained on how to use a defibrillator. So, if any of you aren't showing signs of life and are not breathing and both you and I happen to be in my church building, I am authorized to shock you back to life. Just thought you might want to know that and would want to be around me more now cuz I'm extra cool. Anyway....

So we took this CPR course. I took CPR way back in the day when I was in advanced swimming lessons but it's been a long time. I was impressed this time by the thought of breathing life into the unconscious dummy. And it hit me: GOD HAS BREATHED NEW LIFE INTO ME, THE ONCE UNCONSCIOUS DUMMY! The breath of the Spirit of God gives me purpose in my life and wakes me from my unconscious slumber of life in the darkness. It doesn't just allow my brain to work and my heart to beat; this life promises me a hope and a future and a love in the person of Jesus unlike any other love that exists in this world. This breath of life is not limited to my time on this earth, rather, it is eternal; it does not merely sustain a heartbeat but offers me the reason for me to be alive in the first place! And this breath of life is available to anyone out there who desires it. What dummy (manequin or human) wouldn't want a breath of new life to revive him?

May you this day breathe the life-giving breath of the Spirit on those you meet. Bless you.

Family: You Can't Kill Them

2005-04-14T14:22:00.000-05:00

Last night at dinner was absolutely ridiculous. To understand why I honestly can't believe the sequence of events that occurred at dinner, you will have to briefly hear about one of my "projects" of the last couple of weeks. My dad is a doc, an OB/GYN at that, and he currently teaches residents and med students through a prominent hospital here in the southwest suburbs of Chicago. Well, supposedly he has some major lecture on preterm labor that he has to give at one of the DO (Doctor of Osteopathy) schools in the area. So, what does that mean for me? It means that my free moments in the last couple of weeks have been spent typing about preeclampsia and vaginosis and other really sick words. (I don't really know what they mean, and I'm pretty sure I don't really want to know what they mean. They give word pictures that I have no interest in ever seeing.) Anyway, finally, two nights ago I finished his powerpoint presentation at like 3:30am. (It feels like I can't ever fall asleep so I figured I'd do something "productive" with my time and learn a few more things about PTL--that's the acronym for Pre Term Labor, if you wanted to know.) So yeah, there are 75 slides. 75! You type 75 slides about vaginosis and see how defiled you feel! ...calming down now....

So I finish the last of the slides and am feeling pretty dang good about it. I want to tell my dad so I can hear what a wonderful boy I am and just to keep the poor man from blowing a gasket about how much more work there still is to do. So at dinner last night I tell him that I finished the slides. He replies without even looking at me, "Good. We're not done yet." I ignore the obvious second part of his comment, knowing that my dad will probably change something on all 75 of those slides before the lecture next week, and I try another route: I let him know how much work I had done for him. "There were 75 slides, dad." His trite reply: "Wow." I sat there shoveling as much of my sweet and sour chicken into my mouth as I possibly could so that I didn't hurl my fork across the table like a Chinese star hoping to stick him in the juggular. All he could say was "wow"!?! I was pissed. When I couldn't take it anymore, I finally said to him, "All I wanted you to say was thank you. That's all I wanted. Why is that so hard?" After many long seconds of quiet, dumbfoundedly he responds, "We're not done yet." Let's just say that I wanted to give the old man a severe case of vaginosis on the spot. I couldn't believe that he honestly would not say thank you. I don't remember much more of the conversation except that he started shaking his head at me in oh-so-obvious disbelief that I was making a big deal about this, and while shaking his head, he finally allowed the weakest "thank you" ever to slip out of his mouth. I would have rather he not said it at that point. But, hey, it figures...right?

So this little peach of a story leads me to this question: Why is it so hard to be nice to your family? I'm not saying that my dad is the only perpetrator of such nonsense, it's just a very fresh story and it's easier to point a finger at him than share excessive amounts of my own dirty laundry over the the world wide web. Family: you can't kill them. With that understood, what is it about family that makes them so hard to love? I know that my dad was probably up all night delivering babies and praying against PTL and preeclampsia, but this is a regular phenomenon in families, isn't it? Why? What is it about family that makes them so hard to love?

A Silent Conversation

2005-04-13T12:15:00.000-05:00

So I recently went out with a friend of mine and found myself asking many different questions to occupy some of our time together and initially just because I was truly curious to find out more about her. She, in turn, answered my questions. A few minutes ticked by, and I sat there wondering if she was feeling awkward, obviously because I was feeling awkward in assuming that she was feeling awkward. (Even the spelling of the word awkward is awkward, isn't it?) So, I'd ask another question, which she would answer and then there was more silence and I'd feel more awkward assuming she was feeling awkward, and on and on and on. (I know...I'm sick! A high schooler student of mine once so eloquently told me in one of his bitch sessions to me in his anonymous email, "Don't ever ASSUME anything! You make and ASS of U and ME." Thank you, oh anonymous sage...if only I had learned when you told me off a year ago. Oh well, live and learn....)

Anyway, after this had happened a handful of times, I finally allowed myself to wrestle through the silence. I freed myself to enjoy our time together without the detriment of a spoken word, having what one might call a sort of "silent conversation". It wasn't distant or inconsiderate but rather warm and peaceful. I don't often sit in silence like that very well, at least not while I'm only with one other person and there is no conversation being exchanged. Many could have justified the initial scenario: yes, we were at a sporting event and conversation was not expected. For me, though, I felt obliged in some way to make sure she was okay, when really I was probably the only one of us with a problem with the way things were going. What is my fascination to fill the void of silence with more chatter? I mean, it's not like there wasn't any noise--we were at a sporting event, for goodness sake. There were people cussing and spilling beer and booing new crappy right-fielders. Why did I feel the need to add to that mess?

I think I view silence as a weakness or shortcoming in myself. I definitely don't mind when other people are silent. I can just say that they are introverts and God has wired them that way and at least I don't have to listen to more annoying people and blah blah blah. But for me, when I value the person that I'm with, (especially as a single, 25 year old guy out with a cute, single 25 year old girl) I feel like I'm screwing it all up if there isn't a continued engaged conversation going on at all times. I don't think I want to face what silence says about me, or should I say what I think silence says about me. Instead of thinking that silence will communicate to this girl that I'm comfortable just being around her, I fumble through every question I can think of to make sure everything is going well and probably far too obviously communicate how uncomfortable I'm feeling. Pathetic, huh?

I learned something from my silent conversation the other day: words don't necessarily make things better. In fact, though at the time I probably would have felt better jabbering away about many different topics, the reality is that the silence communicated so much more than a cute girl's responses to my formulated questions. That silent conversation might have been the best time that I spent with my dear friend the other day. I have much to learn.

Heroes

2005-03-22T15:02:00.000-06:00

A few days ago I was fortunate enough to have rented a good movie. (I know there aren't many new releases to write home about, but this one was definitely worth the rental.) Ladder 49 was with me for a handful of days thanks to BLOCKBUSTER's new "no late fees", which is actually just an extra eight days on all of your rentals. Little does BLOCKBUSTER management know that they could have made millions just on my late charges alone, but hey, I'll take the extra eight days and probably a few more, only to now be charged for the entire movie. Oh well.... Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, Ladder 49....

In the wake of 9-11, this movie looks at the life of one firefighter from Baltimore and shares his life and work with you. It's a very powerful movie that truly presents firefighters as heroes--men and women that are willing to put their lives at risk on behalf of the lives of others.

I've been thinking about this hero piece for a few weeks now--ever since a marine from our church died while on his second tour of duty over in Iraq. Kevin Clarke was 21 years old, and he died defending our freedom. I had the overwhelming opportunity to play piano and sing at the funeral, which was unquestionably the most difficult musical performance of my entire life. Everything went quite well at the funeral service. The entire morning was a grand celebration of the life of this young man, who was declared a national hero.

Between that experience and this new movie, Ladder 49, I've been faced with thoughts about being a hero. I've been really wondering what makes people take risks with their own lives in order to potentially save perfect strangers? Why would a firefighter risk dying and leaving behind his wife and two young kids in order to save the life of someone trapped in a crumbling building? Why would Kevin Clarke give up his youth in defense of a cause that was not directly impacting his family or friends in any way? I really don't get it. I don't know if I could take the risks that those in those public service positions take on a regular basis. They truly are heroes!

After having Ladder 49 play pretty much non-stop for about ten nights or so, it hit me...I finally realized why firefighters run back into a burning building to save one life and why military personnel travel to a hostile land and fight: they think it's worth it. To them, the pros outweigh the cons. To them, service is not an option, it's a mandate. Wow. I have a lot to learn about being a hero. As a Christian, I often keep the truth of the person of Jesus Christ to myself. I hoard the only truth that truly saves people rather than "risking it" to potentially save one. And what am I "risking" anyway? My pride? ...risking being liked? If you're like me and you claim the cause of Christ, then you and I need to consider what we've been called to. We have been mandated to "go and make disciples of all nations", and yet, at times, I can't even find the time to tell some of my "closest friends" about the hope that I have in Jesus. Firemen run into burning buildings because they value human life enough to take the risk. I need to value human life enough to share the truth--that Jesus is the only way. I need to stop being so selfish and think of the potential outcome: life-change for all eternity. Are you at all like me? Christ's cause is worth it, isn't it?! I want to be a hero today. Are you with me?

A Pet Peeve

2004-11-16T15:23:00.000-06:00

I don't know about you but when I think about pet peeves, one predominant peeve comes to mind. Now, I concede that I probably think of this first because I work at a church and this seems to happen on a weekly basis, but it really bugs me. Here's my peeve: Someone approaches you, either in person or, if they really want to make you mad, via email or the telephone, and says, "I've got some things I'd like to talk to you about. It's pretty important. Give me a call this week sometime so we can schedule something for next week. Ok?"

Actually, no, that's not okay. If someone has important things to talk about with me, then let's talk about them. Why wait? Unless you're just trying to drive me nuts.

I must admit, however, that if I didn't care so much about whatever it was that these people were going to tell me, then this wouldn't really be an issue. It's just hard not to wonder about what it is that they're going to say--especially in the realm of church politics. I'm not so sure that there are ways around this one, though, as it feels I'm stuck in this world, at least for now. I know I live outside the Windy City but I didn't think politics would or could impact the church this much. It's weird what people don't see until they're on the inside.

This isn't just a church problem, though, and therefore I don't blame my peeve on the church. Overall, I guess I just care about people and the issues that they have and I want to make right on what I can in an expedient way. Why wait a week to talk to someone about something that has been bugging you? Doesn't Scripture say to not let the sun go down on your anger? I don't think I've ever known anyone that has done that. We're too worried about giving people their space and being considerate of their time and therefore we put off dealing with issues and in turn we actually help segment the body of Christ. Why choose to keep up a barrier between you and a brother or sister ever...much less for a week because you're being "considerate"? Actually, in my opinion, this is quite inconsiderate. When you put anything above the edification of the body for the glory of God, you are choosing your way versus God's way. I don't know about you, but I definitely want to live what Larry Crabb calls the New Way. (I'll save that for another post.)

:::Deep breath::: Well, again just a few of my thoughts for today. I wish I had a penny for my thoughts. I'd have a lot of pennies.

One of those days...

2004-11-12T17:01:00.000-06:00

Have you ever had one of those days where you just didn't feel like doing anything? Like, I don't mean where you don't feel like mowing the lawn or don't feel like trudging to work. I mean, have you ever had one of those days where you don't feel like doing ANYTHING even remotely productive? I seem to be having one of those days....

Where does such an incredible depth of this laziness come from? Is it genetic? No, my parents are quite driven people. My dad has always been a workaholic and comes home from work only to spend his "family time" outside messing with the pool or the yard, or inside doing laundry and telling us to move it while he's washing the floor. My mom isn't lazy either. She's an avidly active member of the church gossip network, which I'll affectionately refer to as "THE NETWORK". Let me tell you, this seems to be a full-time job. Now, don't get me wrong, my mom can tactfully squeeze in counseling people, making dinner, and doing other mom-like things around her busy schedule of church gossip. Some days I really do believe that my mom could possibly enjoy taking part in THE NETWORK all day everyday if the gossip was newsworthy. Actually, she might even settle for her friends being home and the gossip unnewsworthy. Ladies and gentlemen, it doesn't take much to keep THE NETWORK going. (This could be one of my rants in and of itself. Anyway, I'll keep going....)

My grandparents are even less lazy than my parents. I actually believe that they will enter the pearly gates after simultaneous heart attacks due to another packed day spent bleaching our garage floor on their hands and knees after having reorganized our basement storage closets...because they "needed it". These people are ridiculously motivated to do incredible amounts of work for little-to-no good reason. The storage closets "needed it". Really? I'm not even going to touch this one....

So my intense laziness doesn't appear to be genetic, even though I would love to blame it on someone. I suppose I could find some way to say that I'm overworked and tired and so it's not really laziness but rather fatigue from my profound devotion to my work and my studies. I'm pretty sure no one would really believe that, though--at least not any of the people that really know me. So where exactly did I get this propensity to do just a little more than nothing at all?

I guess I'd just have to say that I'm gifted. Honestly, I really believe that. (I know that you're thinking, "He's sick. He needs help," which could be true, but hang on...let me explain myself.) Laziness can actually benefit the soul. Like any good preacher, I'll say that again: Laziness can actually benefit the soul. Take today, for example. In the thick of my laziness I've managed to make an important decision: I'm going to start blogging. For the past few minutes, I've been doing some pretty intense thinking about why I'm feeling lazy today, and I've spent some time typing it out. The best part is that somehow some I've managed to convince some poor suckers (YOU!) that the futility of my day is actually worth spending time reading about. HA! Upon realizing what a feat I've accomplished with what many would consider another worthless day, my soul is thoroughly uplifted. Therefore, I conclude that laziness benefits the soul.

Actually I think I'm ready to take on a few other amazing tasks...1) getting up and 2) eating some food. Yes...it's been one of those days.